My husband loves me a lot but he's abusive

Tags: Relationships, Abuse, Brooklyn, Sakhi
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OCCOM BILL wrote:

He sounds professional, to this layman, and is trying to do the job your husband is paying him to do (figure out what's wrong with your husband). I still have little faith in the possibility of converting your husband into a non-violent being; but must concede that the therapist sounds legitimate and is therefore a step in the right direction.

Yes, I thought so....and i was glad his focus was my husband, not me or our relationship.
After Iwent back to my husband (after I initially left him)...he was totally non-violent. In fact there was no abuse of any kind. But he was very very clingy and it was very suffocating to live with him. I had absolutely no time alone.

OCCOM BILL wrote:

Mediation, while perhaps potentially beneficial to your husband (and perhaps you, should you choose to stay with him), also pretty much insures the therapist's continued employment.

hehe, I thought of the same thing!
and yes, perhaps meditation will be useful.

OCCOM BILL wrote:

So, what do you think?

I really don't know. I know that I neither want to be suffocated nor abused.

I want closure but I realize i can't hurry these things. Brooke mentioned that I'd never be able to trust him - the problem is, that I'm so used to trusting him....even much before we were married/seeing each other...I have to remind myself zillion times that he's not the same person i used to know , like, and trust so much. I probably have not stopped hoping because this is not the way I've known him. Everything will be just fine if he can simply go back to being that person. But it's probably not so simple.

After the session - all I decided was - "let me see what comes out of this"...[

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sakhi wrote:

After the session - all I decided was - "let me see what comes out of this"...[

That's a very wise approach, sakhi.

No great words of advice from me. Just wanted to tell you how proud I am at all you have done and I am so glad you are safe, well, and happy.

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You sound like a woman in control, darlin. I should tell you how that makes me smile. Well done. I wish you the very best. (((((Sakhi)))))

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Whoa..this thread was posted over a year ago. You are still having the same problems with him? And you haven't left him yet?

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Look who is talking.

If you had read the thread more careful, you would know that Sakhi
has not been living with her husband.

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Sorry, it was alot of posts to read through I retract my previous statement if it's already been taken care of.

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@sakhi,

If you love him, there is some hope. You say he loves you, would go to great lengths to keep you in his life. Anger management at this point doesn't work-- this man is a batterer. So he needs to attend battery management classes, to address the behavior. You'll both be much happier if he is able to complete this course and modify his poor behavior. For your children, for yourself, for him, this is the best way to go.
I'll also say that whether or not there are other issues in your marriage causing you to leave, if he's still a batterer when you do, he'll continue the cycle with another woman. If he learns to modify this behavior, another person may not come to harm. It is your life, and your decision. Still, there is hope for you and for him.

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this constant digging up of long dead threads at a2k is getting very annoying....it is flaw # 189 of the new interface.

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@hawkeye10,

Sometimes, hawkeye, people resort to reading, then responding to old threads because they can't find enough to interest them in the "new" thread list. So long as it's a topic of interest, or perhaps an update, does it really matter all that much?

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@msolga,

would you strike up a conversation with a friend and then give advise on how to fix a problem that took place four years ago? No, it is useless, the words would be clutter. I think the problem here is that people don't notice thread and post dates, they write assuming that what they say will be relavant. Back in the day when one had to go back 100 pages to find a four year old thread this kind of problem came up rarely.

Does it matter? I feel bad for the people who waste their time writting about situations that no longer exist.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

I feel bad for the people who waste their time writting about situations that no longer exist.

But they would have to search for such a thread to find it. The last post (prior to the one you complained about) was on the 27th April, 2006! It's not like it just turned up in New Posts & someone unknowingly thought it was current.

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@sakhi,

nm...

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@msolga,

They are most likely finding these topics via Google searches. And then they're not checking the dates before posting.

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@hawkeye10,

If someone has useful input, it doesn't much matter when the input is provided - because someone else with the same question/problem may come by to read the thread in the future.

If YOU don't want to look at old threads there are a number of ways to prevent you even seeing them. You could start by going back and thumbing down every old thread. You'll never be bothered again. Brilliant feature of the new system, eh.

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@ehBeth,

I agree with ehBeth.

I am going through a similar situation at the moment and had no idea about this thread. Seeing the advice given to the original poster has helped me. I am glad this thread was resurrected back to life.

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@mm25075,

Quote:

I am going through a similar situation at the moment and had no idea about this thread. Seeing the advice given to the original poster has helped me. I am glad this thread was resurrected back to life.

You would however be better off if you also started your own thread, so that we could know the particular set of circumstances that you face. What is good advise to the original poster of this thread may not be good advise to you.

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While advice may differ case to case, much, if not most, of the information/advice provided to victims of violence is universal and therefore pertinent to others as well.

Anytime one of these threads is revived there's always a chance someone can be helped. Possibly even to the point of having a life or two spared.

ehBeth was spot on!

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
I am going through a similar situation at the moment and had no idea about this thread. Seeing the advice given to the original poster has helped me. I am glad this thread was resurrected back to life.

You would however be better off if you also started your own thread, so that we could know the particular set of circumstances that you face. What is good advise to the original poster of this thread may not be good advise to you.

At least the person knows the difference between "advice" and "advise", which is more than you do, Hawkeye - not aptly named at all, there, btw.

And certainly posting here is just as good as starting a new thread - some of the old data may be pertinent to more than one case, first, and, second, people able to provide assistance are more likely to notice the old resurrected thread than a new one - it will come up on their posts updates. Glad anything you read here was useful to you, mm25075, and don't hesitate to provide your new details on old resurrected threads!

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@hawkeye10,

I did open my own thread under a different user name and I have gotten good advice there as well. Thanks to many of A2K's who posted there. Smile

However, I still believe there is good advice in this thread. Slightly different circumstances, but good advice all the same.

My husband loves me a lot but he's abusive

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