Thu 6 Feb, 2003 01:36 pm
God's voice mail
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others
I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3
To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)
For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3: 16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.
Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.
Thank you and have a heavenly day.
LOL! That would be something.
So, do atheists just get a dial tone?
I'm sorry, your three minutes are up. If you wish to continue this call, please deposit another 25 sins.
Thank you for using Pray-T&T...
Hello, you have reached God. I'm sorry I'm not in right now...well I can't say that 'cause I'm everywhere at the same time...Alright the truth is I can't come to the phone right now because I'm watching the Angels versus the Devil Rays. Please leave your name and denomination after the beep, and I'll get back to you just as soon as the game is over--(HEY MARY, I'M OUT OF CHIPS AND BEER, MOTHER OF GOD, WOMAN, I ASKED YOU TO SWING BY THE STORE ON THE WAY HOME FROM LOURDES!!) BEEEEEP