What's the deal, Is he a cheater or not?

Any advice for either of us would be helpful.

I also forgot to add, that this was found months ago by him. He asked me why I had stuffed the panties and shirt behind the dryer to hide them. I had no idea they were not mine at the time. I passed it off because he jas been making so many accusations lately. to the point I am emotionally exhausted have been explaining to him for months now that I am not cheating.
I found them a few days ago, on the hunt for a missing pair of work gloves. The scenario from above wasn't on my mind and I had assumed it was a green shirt that belonged to my son. So i took them out to find a shirt and panties that were not my size. I am petite and wear small medium.
My daughter is small also, i fit her clothes. Shes 11. My son is 12, and stopped growing years ago for his disability so definately not his clothing either.

Clearly, neither of you trust one another due to these dual accusations of cheating, concocting scenarios where you both imagine the other is cheating. Fix that broken trust and then maybe you might be in decent relationship where you can consider an engagement.

All kinds of innocent explanations exist as to how or where the panties came from...none of which indicate a cheating spouse. The clothes behind the dryer, as you have indicated, could have been from the previous tenant or several other ways.

If you caught him in bed with another woman, found lipstick on his body, perfume on his clothes or person, or something somewhat suspicious or incriminating ...then you might have reason to be suspicious...not these sort of flimsy circumstances.

You guys seem to be on shaky grounds.

If they were found by your betrothed, why would you think he was cheating?

i know it's so scarey
i am so confused.

the wedding is 5 months away, i have everything planned and even a dress.

he feels steongly that i cheated because i took a mental break after some bad feelings and cold feet. We had alot of changes to accept about our lives and have been engaged for a year already. He was a single man, and when we met i was me and my son, finishing up a divorce and custody battle. That had been years in the making and i finally won custody of my daughter. So then we were 4. He has never been married, no children, lived rhe fast life before meeting me. so to speak. he says i changed his view points about life and he a family. But then it was hard becaude he wasnt used to the aort of family life. He grew up inner city and i grew up in the country with my dad. So we have alot of differences. So we've had out fair share of problems. I ended up having to take a short mental break from the relationship (where I stayed faithful, but just distant) to tey to sort out all of my feelings about how to lead a life with the changes needed for a marriage and try to decide if I can compromise on what was being asked of me. I had to overcome some things that were said inappropriately to a friend of his, a constant barrage of women trying to intrude on our new relationship, and also had to contend with a very inappropriate online chatroom he was in. So i had to decide and I needed time to think about this before getting married. all of those things were difficult for me to deal with going into a new relationship, and i had a hard time withit after the proposal. I am sure that it takes time to rid yourself of all the extras when youre in a relationship, but it's like there's always someone from the past popping up out of the blue. Yea I'm a little jealous, but nothing unhealthy. We all are at times, i just asked for reapect and acknowledgement and never got it.

When I began to reconnect and start focusing on what was important again the accusations of me cheating started heavily, and have been relentless since we've moved into this new apartment. I have been accused of cheating worh 6 seperate men over a few sunflower seeds, some missing gloves, and because i like to wear my make up.

i get bruises alot, but my son that i have to deal with is heavy and i am petite. i am also just that clumsy. no doubt.

i love and care avout him so idk what to think.

the fact that i am accused so relentlessly over sunflower , missing gloves, and misplaced shoes raises flafs for me that make me suspicious myself.

i know none of it makes any sense. which is why we were discussing a possible breaking and entering?

idk idk idk

I don't know what kind of a neighborhood you live where the thieves just leave you extra clothes... seems kind of far fetched. Way more disturbing than some mystery panties is the accusations of cheating on both your parts. Marriage takes trust above even "love". (There is no real love without trust). If you don't trust one another then I think until you can fix this you should postpone the wedding. Better to not get married then to go through years of misery and finally a bitter divorce.

I guess I'm getting old... it used to be the collar where you found it.

Absolutely.

Sounds like two people that deserve each other to me

Get out now. It's going to be a lot harder to end things after you get married. Don't let the fact that there's a dress, etc. keep you from cutting ties. This is toxic and awful and you know it.

i do know, but i love him.
he has done some pretty awesome things as well.

He came with me 6 times out of state to fight for custody of my daughter from her abusive father. (he had taken her and hid her behind a bunch of paperwork, and i had to prove him un fit. when we finally found her she was living in filth and maggots) he helped me through that, came with me and supported me in court, and also helped financially as much as he to make up for the travel costs.

He proposed, which was alot for him given his nature and trust issues. Come on, we all have them to a certain extent if we've been cheated before.

He continues to try to be a good father to my kids.

we have been having a rough go at it because my son is terminal, and at his end right now.

we usually take time once or twice a month to go out and be us or have a date and we havent been able to for a while now, so i think that has contributed. . .?

He doesnt go out or do anything bad. we've been at home together for 4 months now. Not to mention none of it makes any sense because we have been together for quite some time. Literally, he hasnt gone anywhere and had been out of work, and i work from home. We've been apart maybe a few hours, all together , for a matter of months now.

So I guess this answers your original question about him cheating...

And you distrust the man who went through all that for you over some cloths stuck behind the dryer?

WTF woman...

I suggest you confront him about him before anything gets out of hand. Definitely just tell him straight up what you found and go from there. Don't get yourself too worked up about scenarios if you don't know the truth yet, just ask him.
I've also got a question up I really need advice with, it would mean a lot if you could check it out!
Ellie x

well he wasnt exactly perfect when we got together

he almost cheated after 6 months but i caught him and stopped it.

can you link it?