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He has come out of a long relationship but wont commit to me

 
 
Reply Wed 4 Jan, 2017 04:40 pm
Hi all.

I met this rreally great guy 8 months ago. We have been dating exclusively ever since we met. He is lovely and sweet and we really click. I really tried to take things slow but I do want to know where I stand and whether I am in fact wasting my time. He had recently come out of a three and a half year relationship before he had met me.

He has stated before that he is unsure if he is ready to commit to something so serious and that he didnt expect to meet someone like me so soon after his breakup. At the time I said that was ok but that I wanted to end this and meet someone who could commit to me.

A week later he said he didnt want to lose me but needs to take things slow. Its been another three months now. I have met all of his friends and some of his family but there is still no commitment.

I genuinely feel like he is holding back from me. I only receive a text once or twice a week and we meet up once a week. The fact that he is so distant hurts me, I suppose I want someone I can depend on and essentially fall in love with.

I could easily fall in love with him. But any time I try to bring up the issue of what we are he says we will talk about it at a later date.

But basically my questions are: 1) Am I being unfair by wanting a 'label' of some sort? 2) Really am I rushing this? It has only been 7 months? 3) Should I just cut my losses and try find someone who is looking for the same level of commitment that I have to offer?

Thanks in advance
 
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jan, 2017 05:01 pm
@blondi89,
Yes to both questions.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jan, 2017 05:49 pm
@blondi89,
If you don't realize that you're rushing things then it would be best if you find someone who more suits your needs.
blondi89
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 02:13 am
@ehBeth,
Hi, but am I actually rushing it if it's been 7moths?
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 07:00 am
@blondi89,
After 7 months I don't think it is unreasonable for you to expect some kind of commitment. What exactly is the commitment you are looking for from him? Exclusivity? An offer to move in together? An assurance that he views the relationship as leading toward a long term commitment? A marriage proposal?

There are many kinds of commitment. First, decide what level of commitment you want him to express. Then, if it is important to you, initiate the conversation.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 10:32 am
Two texts a week AND you see each other ONCE a week? After 8 months?

That's not "going together." That's not being in the kind of relationship that you want, obviously.

He's either got someone else on the side or he's just not making room for you in his life, and may never.

Start dating other guys. Don't even see him for a while. See what happens, but don't be surprised if he lets you fade away.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 10:39 am
@blondi89,
I think so. You're dating casually.

He is still getting over his previous relationship.

__

I never understand why people go to dating exclusively so early in a potential relationship.

__

Keep on seeing other people while he sorts himself out from his last relationship. Let him know you're going to do this. It's not a threat or a warning or anything.l It's both of you being healthy as you approach a new relationship.
0 Replies
 
 

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