@Elizabeth111,
Elizabeth111 wrote:
Hello, I am a mom of two young kids and I am divorced. I have been dating another man for over 2 years now and we seem to have a serious relationship.
We started talking about moving in together and he asked me if I think we should be splitting rent costs evenly. My immediate reaction was yes , it is not about the money for me, but I guess about the meaning. I would totally take on spending more money on food and would provide for my kids' essentials , but I feel like two people who are looking to start a life together , should not be looking to discount a couple of hundred bucks?! I see it as a partnership, and if a man makes a decision to build a life with me, he will accept me as a package.
I'd like to know people's thoughts on this topic. Thank you
Ok, I'm a woman, and to be honest, I have no idea what you are really asking.
I think Max said it best when he brought it back around to the fact you seemed to be asking about the rent.
If that's not it, enlighten me.
My understanding is he asked if you thought the 2 of you should be spliting the rent equally, and you said yes, but now you're rethinking it.
It would seem to me if he's offering to pay half the rent, you're getting the better part of the deal.
He's willing to split 50/50 with you, and your kids are taking up a bedroom (assuming they sleep together) or maybe even 2 bedrooms.
Let's say we count your kids as 1 person, assuming they share one bedroom.
If your rent is $1000, each of you pay $500
If you took on paying for the square footage your kids take up, you'd be pay $666, and he'd be paying $333.
Are you getting child support? Then you're already getting money that you'd be spending on the kids. Why wouldn't you be paying for everything for your kids?
If it's more about the meaning to you, and not the money, then you don't have to think about the fact he's paying more than his share of the rent, rather than what would be truly an equitable split.
If you're also spliting utilities and other stuff 50/50, he's also paying more than his share there too.
I'm sure he's going to be doing other things for your kids, both monetary and non-monetary. He doesn't have kids living there that you can reciprocate with, so if you want to talk about "meaning" he's giving affection, parental discipline as the de facto father figure, fixing their bikes, providing social opportunites for them, reminding them to brush their teeth, etc. You're not having to do that for anyone but your own kids, since he has none involved.
As far as I can see, he's putting quite a bit out there.
I don't think you're seeing the forrest for the trees.