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My wife may be cheating on me with bestfriend.

 
 
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 Dec, 2016 02:06 pm
@D2000,
Having previously worked shift work, I noticed that those who hooked up, but worked on different schedules, almost always broke up within 3 years, but the same wasn't true where there was overlap at home. I'd say that's because those on conflicting shifts almost never saw each other, and when they did, their body clocks were on different schedules / they were tired when the other was awake.

In terms of your wife cheating:
1. emotionally, sure, lets use that term. If we want to devolve 'cheating' down to non physical things, why not devolve it further and ask when was the last time you visually cheated? (looking at a beautiful woman / porn etc)

2. physically? Perhaps, but:
- you go into great detail about how naked her body was at the beach (most people stop at 'she was wearing a bikini'). You're obviously the jealous type
- you've snooped through her text messages, which were all platonic. But that doesn't reassure you, so you snoop again, and find them deleted. This to you, is a sign of cheating...but they were platonic messages. Deleting platonic text messages speaks of not wanting a fight with a jealous husband
- not telling you he turned up to a night out...again, why would she? Dealing with jealousy is a no win situation.
- she had the opportunity for more with your best friend when you were asleep and everyone else was gone, but they weren't even kissing when you woke. No rumpled clothing either.
- hickey, on the shoulder? really? That's the area of choice? Well, it's possible, but the shoulder is also rounded, and bumping it while moving forward will cause a similar shape
- their friendship has blossomed while your sex life has suffered...are you sure you're sex life going downhill isn't purely related to: you letting your body go more & more, your conflicting shifts / never seeing each other, body clocks on different schedules, tiredness induced crankiness while the other is awake, and being turned down for being tired over and over, then giving up?

The above can be said for just about everything you've written.

Again, she may be physically cheating, but it seems to me that she's had plenty of opportunity for sneakiness where you would have caught her, and signs that say just the opposite (like purely platonic messaging).

I'd put it down to your work timetables conflicting so much. I do agree she's seeking her emotional needs elsewhere, as you're not there for her.

My guess is - One of you otherwise finds work that allows you time together, or it falls apart.
Lade
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Dec, 2016 12:45 am
@D2000,
My wife cheated on me with her coworker. When i started suspecting it i confronted her. She denied it. Honestly ask yourself, if you talk to her about it, would she tell you the truth. Lets face it, majority of us would deny it. Catching her cheating would bring closure, push yourself to continue your life without her.
0 Replies
 
JeanSar
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Dec, 2016 01:05 am
@D2000,
When spouses are attracted to others, they usually are attracted to individuals who have similar traits and qualities to their mate. Bestfriends get along because their personality meshes well, they have similar attitudes and lifestyles. Thats why its no surprise that when our spouses cheat, a large percentage of choose the bestfriend. They are readily available and similar to their mate.
0 Replies
 
sasameseed
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Dec, 2016 09:45 am
@D2000,
I agree with ehBeth, why bother. From what you described, she probably doesn't care much, so why bother. Maybe you hit a rough spot, and it's just a phase, but if you are trying different things to make her happy and she still seems more amused by your friend, then don't bother. Sorry to say these stuff to you, but you may be happier after some time without her
0 Replies
 
D2000
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Dec, 2016 02:24 pm
@vikorr,
Yes. I was hoping someone tell me it maybe just all in my head. I dont want to confront my wife about it because shes going to think im crazy and an extremely jealous husband. We would lose trust too. I have confided with 3 other friends who know my wife and situation a lot better and theyve told me the same thing, even if there was something going on they dont think my wife will admit to it. I do want to know.
Debra Law
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Dec, 2016 07:46 am
@D2000,
D2000 wrote:

Yes. I was hoping someone tell me it maybe just all in my head. I dont want to confront my wife about it because shes going to think im crazy and an extremely jealous husband. We would lose trust too. I have confided with 3 other friends who know my wife and situation a lot better and theyve told me the same thing, even if there was something going on they dont think my wife will admit to it. I do want to know.


Asking for other people's thoughts and advice is a worthless endeavor when you ignore everything offered while waiting for someone to tell you what you wanted to hear.

You've already lost trust. You're confiding in friends and strangers on a message board about your suspicions of infidelity.

You and your wife do not spend any meaningful time together. Your marriage doesn't possess any of the important elements of a healthy marital relationship. You have no interest in evaluating your marriage and working to build a marriage that is fulfilling for both parties. You only want to know if someone else is having sex with her and have no interest in meeting her most important emotional needs. If you don't make the effort, someone else will.

Your buddy spends more time meeting your wife's most important emotional needs than you do. They may not be having sex (yet), but there's much more to a relationship than physical intimacy. If you're scoring a zero in all other categories, you will score a zero in the bedroom too.
0 Replies
 
MightyOakTree
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 11:03 pm
@D2000,
I'm so sorry about your situation. I do believe that healthy physical and emotional boundaries are require in friendship with the opposite sex after marriage. I would suggest that you sit down with your wife and share your heart with her. Is it possible for you to request for a shift change in your firm? All the best!
0 Replies
 
Speedie
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2016 03:08 pm
@D2000,
When I read your post, I discovered it has a lot to do with introspection. You need to make some serious adjustments in your life. I believe you can win her back but you need to put some effort. For starters, if it's possible for you to look for another job that you'll have hours that are close to her job hours, please do so. You'll eliminate a lot of those visits and you'll have enough family time.
Secondly I used to watch and still watch that show called cheaters. On that show I discovered that we as man we're making the same mistake. We're not spending time with our spouses and partners and we have one reason, I'm trying to make money for us, whereas they need both money and affection.
What you need to do now before you're served with divorce papers. Study her, know her likes and dislikes, know her taste in fashion, know her size up to underwear. Surprise her with gifts even if there's no occasion, talk to her on regular bases. She must know your work as if she's working with you, communicate about. After sex asked her how was it, what can you do to make it better. She'll love you for that.
I'm in my mid 30's and I've been married for 8 years and it's like yesterday, sometimes I even forget that me and my wife are married, thinking we're still dating. That's how good our marriage is. Let me tell you what makes it good. We have a extremely high level of communication. We talk about everything in our lives When we finish sex, we talked about it. Sometimes she'll say you robbed me today, you took me up and you dropped me like that lol . We'll laugh about it and I'll say don't worry baby I was tired next time I'll do better and I'll say the same to her if I'm not pleased. She doesn't keep it to herself and seek comfort on another man. If she wants something and I'm chilling with friends I leave all that I'm doing and attend to her. My friends knows that.
You said you've gain weight that's another thing, go back to the gym be that guy she fell in love with. Cut a little bit on beer because alcohol will make you not perform good in bed. Don't stop on being funny even if she's not laughing she'll end up laughing. When she receives those texts, send a funny text even if you're sitting together. You must be her center of attraction again.
Lastly, take good care of yourself, she must be jealous when you're going out by yourself even if you're going to the store.
I have a lot to say about this situation but she fell in love with you and she hasn't left you yet. That means she still have hope in you guys. Good luck
0 Replies
 
Cind7
 
  0  
Reply Sat 10 Dec, 2016 01:29 pm
@D2000,
When two people want each other, theres nothing that will keep them apart. Even if talking to your wife works, its only temporary till your wife and bestfriend hooks up again. You are only delying it.
0 Replies
 
BaleJ
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2016 03:30 pm
@D2000,
Some of you may not know. Most factory jobs, to get on first shift its based on seniority. My wife cheated on me. I would of loved to catch her with her in the act. Keep an eye on the bath towels. I started suspecting something when i noticed my wife taking 2 showers a day.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2016 03:41 pm
@D2000,
D2000 wrote:

The texts that i have read are very PG. Examples: whats good tonight? How was work? Half price drinks tonight at Don's (local bar). I have not seen anything sexual yet. But then again she has been deleting her texts. I want to confront them but only when im for sure. I have said to her once that she shouldnt be so flirty around him. She said hes just a friend, told me to think of him as her brother.


D

From the sound of it, hate to say it but she's probably doing something she shouldn't be. I would hold onto that comment she made about him being her brother. If it turns out they are having sex it makes for a great response.
0 Replies
 
rattz
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2017 12:17 pm
I understand how you feel. I'm in the same situation with my wife. While there is no proof I feel something is going on. It consumes me everyday. I can't function and not sure how this will end.
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2017 04:02 pm
@D2000,
Yes. There is.
0 Replies
 
dan dan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Jan, 2017 04:26 am
@D2000,
sounds like a bit of a creepy friend id be pretty upset with all those circumstances happening way to close for comfort
0 Replies
 
dan dan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jan, 2017 06:21 am
@D2000,
any update d2000
0 Replies
 
Madrox999
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 05:23 pm
@D2000,
I know of an ongoing incodent like this. What do their names start with. Weird as it may be I may have your answer friend.
0 Replies
 
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2017 11:56 am
One of my best friends is a guy. If we were in a bar he'd walk right in, he'd pick me up into the air and hug me right in front of whoever I was dating. We had a history in a sense but nothing serious (no sex). He was just a flirtatious person and always has been. Once a guy I was dating said something to me. Once I knew it bothered him I made sure to be more careful. For myself I never saw it as flirting, I look at him like a fun brother and I've always been able to talk to him like one of my girlfriends. He's always given me advice and he's just a good friend.

I love my friend very much but I also loved the man I was dating so I made sure he was included in almost all of the outings and I only saw my friend alone about twice a month. We'd go out to dinner and catch up. No flirting or anything. He'd usually talk to me about whatever girl he was dating that week and then we'd do the remember when were we 14 stuff and laugh our asses off.

Talk to your wife. Don't let it fester inside of you until it comes exploding out. It could be harmless or your gut instinct could be dead on. If you married her then communication is part of a strong foundation of any relationship.

I hope it all works out for you.
0 Replies
 
 

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