Why does he acts like i was a stranger?

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Hello

I'd like to ask you about mine because I really don't understand, I'm lost and desperate and I would be grateful if you could help me because you seem to really know what you're talking about.
It is about my teacher. Well in fact he's not my teacher anymore. He was last year. By the way I'm 18 years old, almost 19 and he's much more older than me maybe around 40.
So he's a maths teacher and I was bad at school. He helped me to succeed and I thank me but it goes a bit further than help because he was really nice to me. And he was acting differently with me than he did with other in my class. At that time I didn't like him. I appreciated him and that's all. we talked and we talked again and again about maths, physics, universe, animals, we talked about the world, the life and he always said to me "you're like me, look we look like each other, you are like me" he repeated it through the year. Well to resume. We get along so much that the link that created was so stong

Then we started to look at each other and stare at each other longer than usual. And I know he feels some tenderness for me I saw him his voice tells me when speaking and the way he acts
Well the situation was little weird but we never talked about. He was stressed and sometimes was running away.

I sent a email in which I tell him how I feel and that I truly like him
He never answered neither talked about

But anyway, that's okay then he told me that next year I can come back to highschool to say how my studies are going. That's why I did
I came back and all my teachers asked me about my studies at university and talked with me... except him. MY loved teacher saw me, he said a joke: "Hey, Chloe ! Are you lost ? Do you come to pass your exam once again ?" And past by me without asked me anything else.
All day long he did that, he looked at me in the eyes. It was anything but a neutral look..but I cant say exactly what emotion/thought he could have.
I starting to feel really sad.. because that behavior was weird. Why does he dont come to speak with me ?
At the end of the day, after another teacher told me "go and see him, he will be happy to talk to his dear and favorite and adored old student" I finally decided to talk to him. So I start to say 'Hello" and he just look down the ground as if he didnt hear/see me.. but I knew he did. This hurt me. Then he say "I was about to leave at home". I got hurt again because I took it like he didnt want to see and talk to me, i'm a stranger to him.
Then he started to ask me about my studies, he made a joke but he was nervous, more than I was and he leant his shoulder against the wall, starting fidgeting his hands but put them in front of him to control himself... it was clear but anyway
We talk about maths also and he made a joke about maths like "you dont do maths anymore, you cant live without maths one day you will miss it and also you'll be sad and unhappy" then I said "no I dont need maths to be happy" and he seemed disappointed "oh.. really..." then we talk a little..when I looked at him his face muscles were relaxing and turned into a kind of fear in his eyes. that means before I look at him, his face was tense. Then his voice changed a little. I wanted to cry I dont why but suddenly wanted to cry as I heard him speaking
Then he started to blush like a tomato. he's so nice when his has his face read well his hands too were read.
there was a time of silence and someone appeared behind me, well my teacher just finished his sentence then suddenly said "hey my friend, I need to talk to you" to the person behind me...and left me alone. I didnt know what to do, wait for him to finish this the other person or leave.
I finally leaved saying "bye" "hey" "BYE GOODBYE MISTER" then he told me "goodbye"
I felt sad, I felt like he wanted to escape, to run away from me but why ?

Why he's acting like this when he told me before to come back say hello ?

But I FEEL so sad and my heart is broken
I cant understand anything to his behavior

can you help me please ?

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He can be fired for having a relationship with a student and realized he had to stop it before it went any further. And even if you're a former student, it might be a fire-able offense in his union.

Rather than letting you down easy, he cut you off quickly. It may feel harsh, but it's better for both of you this way. He keeps his job and doesn't take advantage of a position of very real power. And you aren't taken advantage of.

Or just listen to this video and read the lyrics.

And you might want to look up 'that book by Nabokov' referenced in the lyrics.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Thanks for your answer !

I understand what you mean.

so you think that's why every teachers asked me about my studies at university and it's normal he never goes and asks me also ?
you know, I wouldn't found it special or weird that he just asked me, it's normal as he is my old teacher that he asked news of all his old students
but this time he never talked to me first
and before he asked me to come back to tell him about my studies
that's why i can't understand someone saying something and acting the opposite Sad

I felt disrespected

0 Replies

Is this teacher married?

Involved with anyone?

It might be that the "tenderness" you heard was him just being pleasant.

Might have been taken totally off guard with your email proclaiming your feelings.
Teachers probably tell a lot of their students to drop by next year, or something to that effect.

You don't know anything about this man outside the classroom. It sounds like you have filled in the missing pieces with your imagination. He's not the person you saw in the classroom. That's just his job.

Don't get me wrong about fantasies about someone. They're fun to have, and don't have to go anywhere. I'm in my late 50's, and I confess that I have a secret person I love thinking about getting together with. It's enjoyable when I think about it, because I know it's my own secret story. I've had others in the past. Hasn't kept me from having a good marriage, or pleasant dealings with these same people I have fantasies about when I deal with them in real life.

heh. I can still remember teachers I thought more than attractive when I was your age.

He doesn't care for you in that way, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun thinking about him.

Remember, in a fastasy the other person never leaves dirty socks lying around, or complains about the electric bill, or says he's too tired tonight. Another plus is he isn't around all the time.

In reality, an 18 year old young woman and a 40 year old man would very soon grow tired/sick of each other.

1 Reply

@Theoria,

Theoria wrote:

I sent a email in which I tell him how I feel and that I truly like him
He never answered neither talked about

you should have understood that there was nothing on his side

__

you probably freaked him out by showing up at the school again

he had to be polite when you were there as a student - saying you should drop in was a casual, polite thing - you weren't really supposed to believe he meant that

___

Leave the poor man alone.

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You have told him how you feel.

He did not respond.

Then you show up at school - and wonder why he acts uncomfortable?

The entire situation was awkward - and you have not told us if he is married.

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Well thanks to all for your answer

But what it's hard for me to imagine is when I told him about my feelings it was before I succeed to my exam. Then I saw him during the weeks and he wasn't that stress even if he didn't answer. Then for the results he talked to me in a normal way. At that time he knew I liked him. This day he was talking with another person. And I was talking to my physics teacher a little bit far away, she told me "hey you'll come to see us, I want to know how you are" (and she was really happy to see me again), when suddenly my maths teacher stopped to talk with the person and came next to us and say "yeeeeeees you can come". So I'm an little bit confused about that. If he didn't mean it why did he stopped to talk to the person he was with to say that.
Maybe can you help me to understand ?

And by the way I may add that he felt awkward and nervous even before i told him I like him.

I don't know If he's married maybe he is I don't know

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@chai2,

Thanks !

I don't know if he's married but maybe he is with someone reaky I don't know that

And I think I'm it was "tenderness". he used to be nice and pleasant with me also. But these are two different things. Maye sometimes it can be hard to make the diference between both especially when we feel kind of affection for someone so we imagine the reality in a way we want it to be.
But I think I made the difference. Because both were present. Although they are similar, not exactly the same
And I swear you I saw it in his face, the way he looked at and he almost admit it one day

But we had really special relation, really close to each other. Its not a dream, everybody told it

1 Reply

@Theoria,

Why would you go after a married man?

If you don't know, don't you think you should find out?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Well
I never meant to go after him if he's married
I never did anything except telling him i loved him because i needed to ans not to try to get him
I wont do...cause i'm top shy and i respect him son much

I didn't ask what should i do to seduce him or something like that Smile

i just want to understand why he acts such a way now
Because we get along together before and our relation was so Nice that i wanted to keep good contact with him
But now it seems things to turn bad
And i dont exactly know why ?

That's what i asked for

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You developed a crush on someone who behaved in a polite, courteous way toward you. He had to use professional standards.

Hopefully you will meet a nice young appropriate man where you are going to school who will reciprocate your feelings.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

"You developed a crush on someone who behaved in a polite, courteous way toward you. He had to use professional standards.

Hopefully you will meet a nice young appropriate man where you are going to school who will reciprocate your feelings."

why are you explaining me what i'm falling for ?

I know and I understand that you want to help me but the only thing most of you seems to pay attention for -and I say that not only for my topics but for every girl/guy who asks for this situation- are the words "teacher", "age", "younger", "nice", "ignores" then you say: be careful, he's just nice, he's a teacher etc...
I understand, it's normal ! But really I know all this, I can leave without being traumatized or depressed. I am pretty good Smile

But how many really "read" I mean by it "to pay attention" to what I ask- what I wrote and what I asked for ?

I really thank you for answering, that's nice Smile

But please all what you're saying I know it. By the way, I only had a similar experience so I know at least a bit what i'm talking about.

And i'm not saying: does he love me, how can I win his hear over, or why do I love him ?

No, I'm just saying that yep this is a posts about a teacher like thousands others but I really had a "special" relation with this teacher. I can explain but it would be too long but i can still do it if you want to
Yes he helped me to succeed, of course he was there and fortunately, it is his job to do it !!!

Did I do a thing wrong to break our relation ?
Why was he nervous and started acting like i was a stranger when he before told me "come back to tell us about your studies"
I love him yes, but I also first appreciate him a lot and so did he.
It seems to still be the case. And I would just keep good contact with him as for my other teachers because he also helped

Do you know what can happened in his mind ? Have you an idea of it ?
why does he acts as if i was a student he never had in class ?

I thought he was angry but if he is, why ? I did anything !
I want to understand what is wrong because his important to me and I know he is wondering about how i will live of my music.
But why does he act "weird" ? My friends were shocked because he didn't come to talk to me first.

Maybe you're right the situation is awkward because he knows i love him.. but still he's an adult about 40 years old, can't he be normal ? And before I leave he didn't seemed to be disturbed by it..

So that I can't really understand, i would like to improve the situation to be normal, or as if all is normal (because there always be this feeling) but I can be mature and overcome my emotion not to alter our contact.

Do you understand what I mean ? what i ask for ?

Maybe you already answer and i'm sorry if i didn't see it

1 Reply

@Theoria,

Theoria,

Part of the difficulty is your explanation and your ability to communicate in english. It isnt bad but your writing has grammatical errors. So its not clear what you are trying to say.

Maybe this teacher was romantically attracted to you. He was doing his job as a teacher to help you understand math and showed special attention noticing you needed extra help.

He might have had feelings for you and when you showed up he might have been worried about how it might look to his co-workers. He also doesnt know what your true motivation was showing up. He might have been worried that you had other intentions than just how your studies are coming along.

We as reading your post are not even sure what you are after. What are you expecting from him? To be overly attentive to you? According to yo hiw should he have acted? Did you want him to treat you like a princess or something? What were you expecting?

1 Reply

@Krumple,

Krumple,

thank you so much
I'm so sorry for my english ! I dont speak fluently so I try to do my best. if there is something you didn't understand, I can try to explain better Smile

Yep, obviously he gave me much more attention than others because I needed. I agree with you.

I only "showed up" to see my friends who are still at school and to tell my teacher about my studies as they asked me to do. I didn't want to flirt with him or something like that. I only expected him to talk to me in a normal way like other teachers did it.

I want to keep good contact, a good relation with him. To talk to him like normal people do because we really had a strong connection of our souls (but not in a romantic way) and i would love to continue that relation. He's really important to me and I don't want to loose him because of my feelings.
I can make an effort to overcome my feelings for him so he just doesn't need to be such nervous, to blush like a tomato and
well he also can't talking to me 5 minutes then he run away without saying anything that's bad
it's like:
"How are you ? And tell me about your music studies ?
Me: I'm fine thank you, and I love music etc....
Him: etc.... etc...
- talking talking talking
- So you're happy of your like, it's nice and i hope you can live of your music and also -someone appears behind me- Oh ! I need to talk to you, do you know why this happened yesterday ? ..."
And I was like confused and thinking "what's the hell i don't understand, he left me alone in the middle of our conversation" nice.. I got hurt

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@Theoria,

He was busy. He was at work and that happens.

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@Theoria,

Theoria,

Well you say he got embarrassed, then I bet he was attracted to you. This doesnt happen if it's just professional teacher/student interaction. He was uncomfortable around you because of this. If he likes you and is uncomfortable with it he will run a way any chance that arises. If it was platonic he wouldnt have had any problem talking like you wanted. That is why he didnt say, "Can you excuse me Theoria, I have to speak with this person. But it was nice seeing you and Im glad you are doing well."

But no he ran off without closure and that hurt your feelings. He might not have intended that but he is definitely afraid of something. Its just not professional to walk a way rudely.

I take it this teacher isnt english speaking, not american. So could it be a culture thing?

1 Reply

These things happen. I can see Jespah's point of view easily, having been around good universities for a lot of my life; I can see Krumple's take at least somewhat.

You definitely take yourself as extra special to him, wished for, or maybe correct. We don't know if you were or not, but he is, I take it, a professor watching his ass, which he needs to keep.

Crushes by students are routine and the uni probably has lists of what not to encourage. Things were a meenie bit looser in older times.

I had a friend - I'd still call him that, though actual friend is doubtful. He was a friend of my husband, both of them at their university in different capacities but with side jobs as UPS drivers, which is how they got to be friends. I was mixed on the guy, not at all interested personally and vice versa, but that he could be very funny and had sharp analytic ability re several subjects; also crass to me, for which he got a taste of beer on his nose on day. Tacky of me, I should have whip whitted right back.

My point - this guy had two romances as a teacher of the chosen students.
He married the second one. We know he was crazy about her, and that she had family money, which he lacked.
This was all verboten, but went on back then, circa the eighties or late seventies. I've almost no doubt that most in that department knew it, as he was a dynamic explanatory talker.

I still talk off and on with my ex: he hasn't talked with the guy in years, no interest on his part. I think I'll let him - in my mind - be finally happy for a while, with a future we don't know.

1 Reply

@Krumple,

I think I see what you mean

You said he's afraid yep that's right. But I don't know what he fears Sad

Maybe it would help me to know what he's afraid of
Do you think I can ask him ?

I'm doing my best to make things appears as normal as possible

And we come from France and in our country we don't have this behavior in social situation. It is not correct..
I know I did it to him before but I did it only because I was so scared of he knows my feelings for him and that it changes our relation if he knew it so that why I couldn't stay next to him.
I have a really bad crush on him to the point of loosing my words
but that's for my part

He's old enough to be able to control himself in my opinion so I can't compare
and that's why i was a bit confused Smile

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@ossobucotemp,

I'm sorry I can't exactly understand all of what you said because I am not a native speaker and I have some difficulties as you can see. I'm not sure to understand well:

Quote:

I had a friend - I'd still call him that, though actual friend is doubtful. He was a friend of my husband, both of them at their university in different capacities but with side jobs as UPS drivers, which is how they got to be friends. I was mixed on the guy, not at all interested personally and vice versa, but that he could be very funny and had sharp analytic ability re several subjects; also crass to me, for which he got a taste of beer on his nose on day. Tacky of me, I should have whip whitted right back.

My point - this guy had two romances as a teacher of the chosen students.
He married the second one. We know he was crazy about her, and that she had family money, which he lacked.
This was all verboten, but went on back then, circa the eighties or late seventies. I've almost no doubt that most in that department knew it, as he was a dynamic explanatory talker.
Quote:

"You definitely take yourself as extra special to him, wished for, or maybe correct. We don't know if you were or not, but he is, I take it, a professor watching his ass, which he needs to keep."

I never thought I was special to him before people like friends, other students and even my other teachers told me I was.

0 Replies

By any chance are you also attracted to construction workers?

2 Replies

Why does he acts like i was a stranger?

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