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please review my essay

 
 
Reply Mon 10 Oct, 2016 09:21 am
Hi, recently I started practicing essay writing for the upcoming test. And since I'm quite bad at it, I need some suggestions on what should be improved. Below is the essay I wrote. I'll appreciate any feedback. Thanks.

“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Dancing plays an important role in a culture.”

Dancing plays an important role in cultures and societies around the world. As a matter of fact, in different ways and for different reasons, the act of dancing characterizes many aspects of global cultures since it is considered as a means of expression. Furthermore, dancing can be regarded as a means of entertainment, enjoyment, self-expression and a medium to relieve oneself from stress. This essay aims to examine the impact and importance dancing has in the cultural environment as it is a vehicle of personal and collective expression.

The concept of dancing can be paraphrased as a series of interconnected movements which in their entirety convey a specific message. Thus, dance can also be considered as a codified means of expression similar to languages. Therefore, despite being non-verbal, dancing can create and deliver a clear message and thus it is an essential feature of culture and therefore societies. In fact, an asset of communities and organized groups of people is the ability to communicate with each other, to express oneself and be understood by others. Furthermore, culture is founded on its capacity of being communicated. For instance, if a book was not published or an art exhibition was not displayed, their messages would not be conveyed and both art and literature would fall silent and culture would disappear. Hence, being a non-verbal language, dancing plays an extremely important and fundamental role in societies.

Moreover, in addition to its expressive goal, dancing has the general function of entertaining and relieving from stress. Actually, dance, in all its different styles such as ballet or contemporary dance, is continually featured in theaters and the world of academic dance generates great favour and appeal all around the world. Furthermore, it can be argued that clubs and discotheques are widely spread all around the world joining together people from all ages and social classes who meet to dance and enjoy themselves and, by moving their bodies, relieve themselves from stress.
In conclusion, dance still plays an important role in societies and cultures because it is an important asset for the development and dissemination of culture.

References:
Building Cultural Awareness Through Dance. (n.d.) [video] Teaching Channel. Retrieved from https://www.teachingchannel.org/videos/cultural-awareness-lesson
Cultural Identity. (n.d.) Jetwriters. Retrieved from http://jetwriters.com/cultural-identity-essay/
Dance. (n.d.) Encyclopedia of American Studies. Retrieve from http://jetwriters.com/cultural-identity-essay/
Warta, T. (n.d.) Cultural Dances. LoveToKnow. Retrieved from http://dance.lovetoknow.com/Cultural_Dances
Hansen, L., Eberspacher, S. (n.d.) 12 Traditional Dances from around the World. The Week. Retrieved from http://theweek.com/captured/459590/12-traditional-dances-from-around-world
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 590 • Replies: 3
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dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Oct, 2016 11:42 am
@tayloree,
Warning Tay, no offense but many of us object to homework. Yet,

Dancing plays an important role in cultures and societies around the world. As a matter ofIn fact, in different ways and for differentfor various reasons, the act of dancing can characterizes many aspects of a global cultures since it is, after all, considered as a means of expression. Furthermore, dancing can be regarded as a means of entertainment and , enjoyment, self-expression andas well as a medium to relieve oneself from stress. This So the following essay aims to examine the its impact and importance dancing has in the cultural environment, especially as it is a vehicle of personal and collective expression

So we can hope for to hear from another expert a2k'er for each additional para; someone with better credentials than even I

]Tay, incidentally disappointed no profile
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perennialloner
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Oct, 2016 09:13 pm
@tayloree,
Your writing is quite good--as far as I can tell. Of course there are a couple things that could be tweaked, but overall your writing seems solid. I just don't think your essay really answers the question. You almost answer it at times, but not quite.

I think it'd be useful for you to define culture. For example, I might say that culture consists of the beliefs that people develop to understand their lives.

From there, I'd think of ways that culture feeds into, expresses or facilitates that idea.

Instead of that, you could also just rearrange the order.

This concluding sentence, "dance still plays an important role in societies and cultures because it is an important asset (mechanism, perhaps?) for the development and dissemination of culture," would be much more effective at the beginning, I think. That way we know what your points in the body of the essay are referring to.

But take what I say with a grain of salt. This might be perfectly acceptable for your class. I don't really know what I'm talking about. I will say that your grammar and punctuation and vocabulary are all really great. Maybe just work on formatting and developing a clear thesis.

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izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Oct, 2016 03:37 am
http://imgc.allpostersimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/63/6327/77J7100Z/posters/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster.jpg
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