Things you hear at work

From an applicant for an entry level job:

"Frankly, i'm the executive type."

"Don't come to me with problems, come to me with solutions!"

My boss, in a heated e-mail exchange with me.

I once had a client that needed a refund for their portraits not because they didn't like them but because "my monkey died".

To this day, Mr. B and I both use the "my monkey died" to explain away behavior for which there is no excuse or reason. "My monkey died" is like calling "Uncle", a person cedes their position and the argument cannot continue.

worked with a guy (he was a little on the strange side) who was haunted by this cable ID number: 2CX941OA2

how do i remember it? bcos i heard him mutter it at least once a day for 6+ years... never asked him WHY he was tormented by this number-letter sequence -- we speculated that he might have typed it wrong on a drawing, and the mistake replicated itself like a virus throughout the project...

sometimes if i passed him in the the hall i'd say "2CX941OA2!", and he'd have a good laugh...

After taking over a call from a potential customer that was being abusive, I got the idea that using F*@K this, F*@K that, what-the F*@K etc was just the only way he knew how to speak. So I decided to have a little fun and threw it right back at him. Half my sales staff was rolling on the floor laughing their asses off. When I was done answering all his F*@King questions, he says:
"F*@K this sh!t, man, I'm gonna do it... Do you take American Express?"

I shipped his $1,800 package to South Central Los Angeles. :wink:

Me to the manager while applying at A&W. (The manager is my friends dad)

Him: "Ok, so what do you know about your potential employer?"

Me: "I Know you're banging Curtis' mom, and thats cool.

Overheard yesterday:

"You have to watch a little less E and a little more CSPAN."

Overheard from a coworker with heavily accented English to another coworker:

"I have something to show you, do you want to come to my place?" (meaning, my cubicle)

How about things you SAY at work:

My supervisor: We know that we don't use enough black models but you use too many.
My reply: Then it all balances out!

I work in an Unemployment Office, I'm a personal advisor, this is quoted from the Brit thread:

smorgs: What kind of work are you looking for?

customer: I want to be a pilot.

smorgs: A pilot of what?

customer: A plane.

smorgs: Have you worked as an airline pilot before?

customer: no, but you could train me.

smorgs: Do you have any qualifications?

customer: No.

smorgs: Then you can't put it down as a job-goal!

customer: Well, it's on your list of jobs.

smorgs: So's brain surgeon.

customer: Well, put me down for that then.

smorgs: I can't, unless you have a realistic chance of getting a job as a brain surgeon, do you have any other job goals I can put you down for?

customer: Yes, layabout.

smorgs: You're already one of those, what else? And stop taking the piss!

customer: Labourer.

smorgs: Okay, now we're talking.

A day in the life...

x

A clean desk is a sign of an empty mind.

(said by my boss, whose desk was always a mess, and he did have a brilliant mind).

Exactly. Propose a solution. Then they'll tell you how to fix the problem.

when we're ready to issue a set of drawings, it's time to "stack it, pack it, and rack it..."

Maybe he's a writer for the show "Lost"...

Kids at school playing star wars. One kid arguing with another about the reality of two kids playing the same character. "I can't have two Anikens" (or whomever)! Later, after talking with mio, the same kid is yelling, "iI's ok, it imaginal!"

one guy always says "okay, my fellow americans!" when he's ready to go home...

I used to work with a guy who would the following when he left for the day.

"Okay, I'll see you all in the future, and if I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture."

I love that one.

Talking about a bit of graphics one of our developers used to indicate that something was in process: "Hey FreeDuck, come look at Wally's spinny balls!"