Trying to like my Fiance's spoiled adopted children.

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I feel very guilty for not liking them sometimes. I keep thinking my fiance and his ex-wife over steered in the direction of over caring for the kids because they are adopted which resulted in spoiled over-sized crying babies who tell you to get a cup of water for them when they are perfectly cable of doing it themselves. It cant be just filtered water. It's bottled water.

I dont understand this constant chauffeuring them around either.

They are kids however who dont know any better. I'm not liking myself for feeling distaste for their consumerist ways. They are kids after all!

Also my fiance is a wonderful guy. When I met him he was financially broke but I knew one day he wouldn’t be so broke. He is so smart.

Perhaps I resented that I had to indirectly support this spoiled brats while my guy had no money. He is doing financially better now an so is able to contribute to the household expenses but no doubt it put a strain in my initial contact with the children. It was a thankless, overlooked job.

Nonetheless, it is annoying that these kids have to be constantly shielded from psychological damage.

It's unfair of me to feel this way about kids who generally want to be just loved, I know.

I seem to be going back and forth on this.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 515 • Replies: 10

Considering marrying a man with small children would be a deal breaker for me.

Depending what what they were like, teens too.

We are conditioned like pavlov's dogs to make excuses for them, such as your "They're kids after all!"

If you don't like them, you don't like them. You don't have to make excuses for that.

So the question you need to ask yourself is if you are willing to unhappily put up with the kids themselves, their mother, and your husbands all putting the kids ahead of you for the foreseeable future, which could be forever.

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@chai2,

All kinds of danger signs without many benefits. Don't walk away, run.

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Every single parent comes with "baggage."

You dont say how HE feels about his childrens behaviors.

If he enables then Run!! If he is as frustrated as you are and seeks professional help to parent these brat, then stick with him as he faces this challenge.

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Kids generally want to be liked. Maybe play with them and try to gently teach them discipline and the like. You can have a positive influence on them.

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@Bluefairy00,

This isn't about any kids wanting to be liked. She doesn't like them. If anything they're the ones who need to put forth some kind of an effort.

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@Bluefairy00,

In any event, why are you making excuses for the children when according to your previous posts you have a very similar problem yourself? Are you the same poster just using a differ not name?

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@424MSK4867,

I don't know which is worse:

424MSK4867 wrote:

Also my fiance is a wonderful guy. When I met him he was financially broke but I knew one day he wouldn’t be so broke. He is so smart.

Perhaps I resented that I had to indirectly support this spoiled brats while my guy had no money.

You're a golddigger, who's really bad at her swindle.

Quote:

Nonetheless, it is annoying that these kids have to be constantly shielded from psychological damage.

It's unfair of me to feel this way about kids who generally want to be just loved, I know.

You're a possible psychopath, who would likely run over a group of playing kids with an M1 Abrams tank if he/she could get away with it.

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tsarstepan,

sorry but how am I a gold digger? My guy does not make a lot of money. I think he will do better after his business takes off but it's not a guarantee. Also, I want children of my own. Not all children are made the same. Do you like everyone you meet?

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@PUNKEY,

He blames his wife for spoiling the kids. He doesn't feel he is to blame because he believes he didn't really raise them.

From what I see is that he enables them and then resorts to harsh discipline, not even I like. There's constant friction between him and his teenage daughter. He pinches his son to get his attention.

All this flip flop of indulging and then disciplining is chaos.

I wouldn't mind the kids so much if they weren't so time consuming and a financial drain. I work a lot of hours and sometimes on the weekend, so I do get agitated and resentful.

I'd like to know the correct way to deal with this without running out on a good relationship.

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Whoa ... Clearly, he doesn't know how to parent!

Why would you have plans to have a child with him.?

Consider yourself lucky to have discovered this about him.

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Trying to like my Fiance's spoiled adopted children.

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