How to cure a racial preference?

Does your preference, mean that you think negatively of other races?

(you aren't clear on what type of prejudice you are referring to, and as this topic is about attraction to a race, I thought I'd throw this question out there)

By the way, if you apply the meaning of the saying 'Birds of a Feather flock together' to such a discussion (Race A having a attraction preference for Race B).... can you see how this discussion started in the first place?

Thank you for your response, you make a number of good points. I do not think negatively of any race. To clarify, with prejudices I meant the race- specific attraction.

Hello, I thought you may have meant 'race specific attraction' when using the word prejudice. The reason I asked for clarification is that it appears that the people you hang out with, have redefined the word 'prejudice' for their own purpose...while relying on the negative connotations still associated with the word to strengthen a very weak belief.

Here's some actual definitions.

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/prejudice
http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/prejudice
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/prejudice
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/prejudice

I haven't directly posted the 'definitions' directly because dictionaries find it hard to define (same with a lot of subjective / emotionally laden words). Rather, they post examples to clarify the definition. Have a read of them.

Any common understanding of the word prejudice, usually revolves around 2 themes:
- preconceived idea/feelings about ####
- the preconceived idea/feeling is negative in nature

As an example of usage: if there are only 2 people in a room, it makes no sense to say 'A is prejudiced for B', but it makes perfect sense to say 'A is prejudiced against B'
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The point of my previous questions was:

- do you hold negative ideas of any race, just because you are attracted to a particular race? You said no, so your attraction to a race automatically fails the definition of prejudice

- is attraction a negative feeling towards any race? No. So again, your attraction automatically fails the definition of prejudice

- is your attraction preconceived idea? No...it's just an attraction. Attraction is much more basic than a feeling (it starts in the most primitive part of the brain at the bottom rear of your skull, while feelings start in the middle part of the brain. So it again fails the preconceived idea/feeling element of prejudice

...and yet you use the word prejudice.

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You said that you see nothing wrong with being attracted to say, blondes, right?

Lets make Person A's attraction to:

- straight black hair. Nothing wrong with this, right?

Now, lets add in that Person A likes

-slim physiques. That's okay too. Some find it a bit shallow, but they don't find it racist or demeaning etc. (others are attracted to voluptuous physiques - each to their own)

And Person A also likes

- a tan. No problem with this. Could be argued to be a little shallow, but you never really hear people blowing up about this preference.

Person A also happens to be attracted to

- the sound of exotic accents. Quite okay by itself right? People love French accents, Irish accents etc.

All of these are quite normal attractions.

Suddenly person A realises that all these things are found in Oriental Women, and so finds themself having a preference for Oriental women.

But your friends find nothing wrong with attraction to blondes, but something wrong with attraction to Orientals? They think it stems from a completely different source, than attractions to individual physical looks?

It stems from exactly the same source.
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Again, I would point out that accepting such attractions as normal:
- doesn't fight against human nature
- doesn't throw up such blatant double standards
- doesn't throw up unsupportable logic
- doesn't negatively judge people
- and accepts other people for who they are

i totally agree with you... im attracted to dark skin people and dark eyed people just because... i have nothing against blondes or fair skin people (i am one of them) ... Am i prejudiced? don´t think so

Your argument is well put and I appreciate the effort. I am not entirely convinced that racial preferences are necessarily as harmless as your argument makes them out to be though- things can be greater than the sum of all their parts. Few blondes are disturbed by men liking blondes but there seem to be a decent amount of people who doesnt appreciate being liked in part due to their ethnicity.

Perhaps some people with racial preferences have more disturbing variants where they incorporate racial stereotypes(eg. the "submissive"asian or the "spicy" latina)while other are simply and harmlessly attracted to different looks. The two groups could easily get conflated.

But even if one ignores any moral aspects of the issue, the fact remains that it is limiting and likely makes it more difficult to establish succesful relationships(as well as appearing odd to friends and family). So if someone wants to get rid of their preference, how would they go about it?

I hope that you were not offended- I certainly would not want to insult anyone. I guess I let my own issues with racial preferences shine through a bit.

After looking through some comments, I feel something needs clarification. It is natural to have some physical qualities that you prefer, even some that disqualify people. THIS SHOULD NOT INCLUDE RACE. These things are usually indicators of fertility. Things like bone structure, musculature, height, weight, etc. are perfectly natural and normal things to use as indicators of attractiveness.

When it comes to race, we should naturally be drawn (if to any) to races that are different from our own, to provide off-spring a more diverse immune system.

I don't think anyone is naturally "just not physically attracted" to another race. It doesn't make any sense. In my personal experience, it's clear that people who say this really mean "I'm not willing to date someone of that race."

The way to combat it? Race should be talked about, in conversations about RACE. If you find yourself mentioning someone's race in a conversation about say, oh I don't know, a local home robbery that's already been solved, the term "black guys" or "Mexican's" should not be used as a descriptor. Essentially we need to implement this with our children, that's where it starts. Get your kids multi-colored baby dolls. Attempt to get them into a school with a diverse population.

There's a difference in a preference and saying you completely aren't attracted to a type of people. Someone having a different hair color than you can be a subconscious indicator that your genes are significantly different, providing a stronger immune system for off-spring. Someone who is physically fit verses someone who is very thin or thick appears healthier, hence being scientifically more fit for raising off-spring and staying alive. A man being tall likely had a high dose of testosterone at puberty, signaling fertility.

Race on the other hand, doesn't work that way. Even if someone is not blatantly racist, chances are if they determined they aren't physically attracted to a certain race, it's because of mental blocks, social pressures, or simply being nervous to embark on something different.

Thank you for your comment. But how does someone, for example, remove mental blocks that prevents them from being equally attracted to all races?

Your insight is appreciated. I am not sure it is universally applicable though. To use a personal example: I can be physically attracted to people of every race if the circumstances are right but I only really, emotionally, fall for south asian girls(I am white BTW). That is also the group of girls to which I am most physically attracted. I have been trying to work through this but cant quite seem to stop. I will go on dates with girls from other races but never really develop any romantic interest even though I would like too.

I disagree with tictacti.

You are attracted to the people you are attracted to. You should be respectful to everyone, but sexual attraction happens subconsciously. You have no moral obligation to feel attracted to anyone. I think it is madness to try to force yourself to feel attraction just to meet some social obligation. Dating is not charity.

I also think Tictacti has a problem with logic when he or she talks about weight. In most cultures heavier women are considered more fertile. Historically heavy women have had access to more resources (needed to raise children) and before modern medicine, skinny women were much less likely to have a healthy baby.

I agree that we need to be aware of racism. I agree with the idea of exposing kids to diversity and giving children diverse toys to play with.

I don't think that you can will yourself to feel attracted to someone out of a sense of obligation. This seems like nonsense to me.

Oh I didn't say it was harmless, or that people don't get upset by it.

There are a number of reasons that Person A may be uncomfortable with a member of another race , Person B, liking their race:

Genetics:

- People are comfortable around people who are very similar to them. The more similar they are, the more comfortable we feel around others (in effect this also means we are to certain degrees, uncomfortable with difference).

- because differences cause us some degree of discomfort (from minute up to major...and whether or not we think this should exist, there is very good genetic reasoning for this feature of humanity. Eg Social cohesion was very necessary to survival in primitive days, well before laws. It enabled trust, cooperation, and group survival. These require similarity of ideas / beliefs )...then the more striking the difference in racial looks, culture, and language...the more discomfort we will feel - whether or not we are consciously aware of it.

- this can mean us looking for justifications to explain away our discomfort. But if we try to consciously explain something at the genetic level, with reasoning, the justification will become entangled in double standards, and poor logic (you see where this is going, right?)

- and because we tend to gravitate towards those who are similar to us (birds of a feather flock together)...including those with similar ideas...
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(As a note on such genetic discomfort - if you apply that genetic discomfort to the issue of racism, you will come to some interesting conclusions about what racism is, how to handle it, etc.)
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Other reasons:

- bad personal experiences with that race
- ongoing cultural conflict between your culture and that other culture
- perhaps an personal aversion to aspects of that persons culture (eg some cultures literally do objectify women / treat them as property, more than other cultures - and this could make a woman from a liberal culture, very uncomfortable)
- etc

So there can be some very good reasons, but they aren't blanket reasons across all races. Underlying any blanket reason, is human genetics. And any blanket reason will suffer from poor logic and double standards.

You're talking about genetics for the most part.

What I would do is break down what I find attractive (like how I showed you how people could become attracted to Asians because of their looks), and practice looking for them in other people. Sometimes it's just the realisation that other people possess a lot of those attractive qualities too that lead to relationships with other races. Other times, you need to look well outside the circle you've been comfortable in, in order to find what you are looking for.

Note: the things you may be attracted to, in South Asian girls, may have to do with cultural qualities. Perhaps if you identified what they were, you may find them elsewhere as well.

I am not sure what you mean about genetics in this instance. But your suggestion makes sense- dissecting the problem and then trying to work through it one piece at a time.

I certainly agree that attraction is not something we can completely control. But I personally think that there are instances when it would be prudent to question and, yes, try to change your own pattern of attraction.

For example, a girl who only dates emotionally abusive men would probably be better off if she could start being attracted to people who would behave decently towards her. That would entail learning to appreciate other traits but not her entire pattern of attraction, she could still like, say, tall assertive men.

Similarly, someone who is only attracted to one ethnicity could probably learn to appreciate other traits and start being attracted to all ethnicities without being attracted to everyone- he/she could still like, for example, high intelligence and prominent eyebrows but would no longer be affected by racial traits.

I don't care what your race is as long as you don't marry out of it.

There is nothing wrong with racial preference as there is nothing wrong with preferring strawberries to chocolate. What there is wrong is BELIEVING any of those as an absolute value over the other. While I may have my own racial biased preference I would never let such preference interfere with fair judgement.

Just so you know. My parents were an interracial marriage. And I have siblings in interracial marriages.

What do you have against interracial marriage?

Kids not knowing who they are!
Well...I am...half white half blacks! There is no such race.