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Is the sentence correct?

 
 
Reply Tue 14 Jun, 2016 08:38 am
Please tell me whether the following sentence is correct. Thank you.

This office had never explored any other options on the use of the vacant kiosk and there is a strong genuine need for having a proper store room for our clubhouse to store spare serviceable equipment such as horticultural equipment.
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 639 • Replies: 8
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InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jun, 2016 09:31 am
@chowbarry,
Stylistically, I'd put commas between "strong" and "genuine," and between "spare" and serviceable."

I'd find one word to replace the two adjectives "strong, genuine."
dalehileman
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 14 Jun, 2016 12:44 pm
@chowbarry,
Chow I'd agree with Infra about the first comma but not necessarily about the second. Otherwise (largely guesswork),

This office had never explored any(?) other options on the use of the vacant kiosk but there is we do have a strong genuine need for having a proper store room for our to keep store spare serviceable clubhouse leftovers such as horticultural equipment
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Sage of Main Street
 
  2  
Reply Thu 16 Jun, 2016 03:08 pm
@InfraBlue,

Eliminate "strong" and "serviceable."
dalehileman
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 16 Jun, 2016 04:30 pm
@Sage of Main Street,
Sage I sorta disagree about the latter. I can suppose some of the spares are serviceable but some not, yet we'd like to store 'em all. More spare parts...
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jun, 2016 12:02 pm
@chowbarry,
Chowbarry, your sentences are usually overwritten.

Simpler is better.

Options for use of the vacant kiosk were not reviewed in the past. Our clubhouse needs a storage room for spare equipment, including that used for horticulture.
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dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jun, 2016 01:53 pm
@chowbarry,
Wow Chow, Beth really chops 'em down
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Sage of Main Street
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 03:07 pm
@dalehileman,
Why, for example, would you store a spare tire if it was flat? "Serviceable" seems like an unnecessary distinction.
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jun, 2016 11:40 am
@Sage of Main Street,
Probly in general you're right Sage. However, there's a remote probability that context might have made this distinction necessary
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