How do you deal with a man who means well but is sometimes a burden?

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My man means well. He works hard and is very intelligent. He tries to be helpful to all people and has ideals... He seems to want to live by principals and dreams.

However, he is flat broke. He never even files taxes. My guy and I live together in my house. He doesnt pay rent so he's suppose to help me with some administrative work for my business and help fix things around the house. Not paying rent was not suppose to be the arrangement initially but now it is because he simply does not make enough money.

I'm sometimes worried. .. a little overwhelmed.

On top of this he wants his kids over every other weekend... with their messy dog. The kids arent very happy about our relationship. I dont think they are happy that their mother is alone.

I love animals and the kids are sweet enough but I dont like seeing them here at my house.

I would love to have my own children but the baby thing never happened and I think it's too late for me.

I feel that I sometimes must indirectly pay for the kid's expenses as he feigns to not have enough money to pay rent. How is he able to pay for their yearly summer vacations to the east coast? And then buy at giant TV I never watch. Only the kids watch it when they come over.

I needed some things done around the house so that part of the house can be rented. It's been months now... since last November and the work has not been done yet.

The administrative work that he's suppose to help with in my home business is never done on time either because he feels it's not urgent.

I'm sick of his business that never makes money and I'm so sick of his people coming over to my house every Monday night to have a meeting. This is my house. I cant even go into the kitchen without having to go around to the back yard outside in the dark .

How do I deal with this anymore?

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 689 • Replies: 10

@Bluefairy00,

I'm afraid you're going to have to seriously hurt his feelings. It won't be easy because I think he's come to believe this is normal behavior.

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@Bluefairy00,

Cat got yur tongue??
Why doesnt this man contribute to household if hes so "intelligent and hard working"?

You ARE being used, arent you?

Time to tell him things arent working out and he needs to move.

PS: what kind of meeting every week? Addiction recovery?

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@Bluefairy00,

Bluefairy00 wrote:

How do I deal with this anymore?

I think the question is, why are you continuing to put up with it?

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@Bluefairy00,

Blue, keep him, as it's Man's purpose to carry heavy objects. However if you never acquire anything heavy.....

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@Bluefairy00,

I think that you know your answer.

He works hard, he's intelligent but no so intelligent to not file taxes, but intelligent enough to live with you, get fed, washing done, meals on the table, all free yet, happy to make sure the kids have a large TV, happy to kick you out on Mondays and make you walk through the dark, happy to let you work, run a business and do the whole lot yourself, whilst feeling guilty that you need to help also with paying for his kids.

He's not ready for a relationship at all, probably harbors bad feelings towards his ex wife, non trust in relationships, maybe deliberately doesn't pay rent and runs his business at a loss or nearly, to not pay maintenence I mean how can he work hard, be intelligent and not have money? Unless that's deliberate.

I'm sorry that you weren't able to have children or may not be able to but that doesn't mean that you need to settle, have some guy live with you free and do nothing. Who is to say it's too late in any event, it will be in 2 years time if you don't kick this guy to the curb and find a more suitable partner who respects you, contributes to your life and "lives in his own house".

Off course he wants his kids over, that's natural, they are blood.. The kids love their Mother and grew up with both of them, it takes time for children to accept another lady in their Father's life, nothing to do with their Mother being alone.

And again, he works so hard, intelligent but business doesn't make any money are you sure?

Maybe that's the reason why his wife and himself aren't together. Maybe he is a dreamer and not a doer .. But he's using you.

1 Reply

As an experiment I switched genders and put myself in your shoes.

So I'm a single male and never had kids.
My live-in gf's kids come over with a stinky dog.
They're nice. I like them.
I try to show them I love their mom unconditionally and that includes them.

She's supposed to do some accounting work for my start-up but she never gets around to it because she's so busy with her Tupperware group that meets at my house all the time. But she never makes any money so I'm the sole breadwinner.
But that's ok because I love her. Unconditionally.

Do you love him unconditionally? Then accept him as he is. It's too late to change him.

If you don't. Start the separation process. It'll be a lot less painful now rather than later.

1 Reply

@panzade,

I feel I have been cold to the kids when I should have been more loving.

The kids are good kids... as far as I know. I feel guilty for making such a big deal of their intrusion. Maybe I feel that their intrusion is the ex wife's intrusion.

I would be very lonely without my guy. I have a reason to wake up every morning and make breakfast for us. He still adds to my life. I even have a reason to own my little business. I value his input.

I believe one day my guy will make a lot of money. He is so smart and it's only a matter of time his own business will take off.

Divorce in my own family and relatives is pretty much non existent. No doubt I feel awkward about being part of this family.

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@FOUND SOUL,

The kids were adopted. The ex wife couldnt have children.

The kind of relationship he has with the adopted children seems almost like an uncle/ nephew/ niece type of relationship. When they are around he doesnt really take care of them. Sometimes it seems his relatives play with them and take care of them more.

It does make me wonder if he allows the kids to be in his life so he could still have his exwife in his life.

My guy feels I should be grateful the exwife shares the kids with me. They are great kids and lately the kids have been growing on me, inspite of myself.

Perhaps I just feel resentful of the financial burdens while my man get the kudos of feeling like he was a great dad without really doing much.

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY has it spot on! Speak up about the IMPORTANT ISSUES.

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How do you deal with a man who means well but is sometimes a burden?

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