is she telling the truth?

We had sex 4 to 6 times a month. She bugged me to do everything together and we did. She would go braless, wear g strings and dress sexy. She has always been the make-out queen, anytime, anyplace. She was always extremely touchy it is part or her personality. She would ask for back rubs and foot rubs almost daily. When I would touch her in any way she would tell me how sexy it was and beg me not to stop.

While working out of town I would come home weekends to tears of joy with a braless sexy beautiful woman waiting for me at the air-port and the sex was worth the wait. Now It had been three weeks since I had been home and was greeted with a bra, a reluctant kiss and an expression on her face as if someone had died. Something was way off. I ask what was wrong and she said nothing. I had never had to push for sex but this time I did. The sex was different and distant; it was like she was going through the motions.

When I went back to work the phone calls started to slow down. While talking to her at night she became annoyed. I would tell her to call me before she went to bed but it became common to text me between 10 and 11pm, night, I am tired, and going to sleep. However, her phone data usage showed internet usage till 1:00am.

A week later I came back home again to take her back with me for a week. I felt like a visitor. She did not want me around her at all. She sent me on errands with the dog and or told me to stay with the dog while she ran errands. We did very little together. When we arrived back at the house out of town we decided to go out. She was panicking because she could not find her phone. She went upstairs to look for it and I decided to call it like we always do when we lose our phones. I found it vibrating in front of me under some papers. I noticed that my picture while vibrating no longer said “MY GUY” it had been replaced with my name. When I hung up I saw that her wallpaper picture was of the dog taken last Christmas. Her favorite picture of her and I taken just that May had been replaced. I told her what I saw she played it down saying it meant nothing. Her behavior that night was over the top and out of character. I felt she was overcompensating for what I had found.

My job ended a month later and we moved back home. The minute we were home she began making comments about not having enough space, this being her space and what I could do and not do. It was like she had been single and I just moved into her space.

We have always shared an office at home. On Monday three days later she suggested with urgency that we move her home office back to corporate 10 min down the road. This thought was never discussed before. She was out before I was back in.

When moving her to cooperate I found a new checking account statement that just had her name on it. This was an account I never saw or knew about. When I questioned her she said that it was to save for Christmas. I found this odd, why not open a savings account.

At some point she had used my computer to look at her Facebook while at the house and accidently tied my home page to her Facebook account as default. I do not do Facebook. Every time I opened IE it opened her Facebook. I would look at her Facebook just to see the kids etc. She ended that quickly. She called from her new office and told me that she had just changed her password on her Facebook. I ask what the new password was and she said she did not remember but it was one of the many passwords we use. In the same conversation she told me that she opened a twitter account as well. Over the next several months I tried every one of our passwords and all variations and nothing worked. She was flippant and continued to blow me off after several attempts asking what the new password was. Almost a year later she was in my home office and wanted to show me something on Facebook using my computer with the 35” screen. I ask her what her password was and she rattled it off. I was in so much shock that I never really saw what she wanted to show me. The password was nothing even close to anything we had ever used. With this new password and using variations of the same I was able to log into her twitter account. I could never find her account before because she had not used her full name. She used part of her maiden name then her last name so unless you knew the exact spelling you could not search her on twitter. I then found a PayPal and an eBay account both using the new password with variations of as her last name and maiden name.

She also told me the day she changed the Facebook passwords that she was going to start deleting Facebook and start a new one. She said she wanted to delete our old client from the out of town job and his wife. The job did not end well. I found out much later that she never did start a new Facebook. She did not start deleting from the beginning or from the end backwards. Her deletions were from my out of town time frame.
For two years she never touched me and ignored my touch of her. Pet names like sweetie honey, etc. are no longer used, now it is just My name. There were no more words of affirmation.

She would initiate sex 80% of the time, now it is less than 5%. Sex went from 4 to 6 times per month to once every 4 to 6 weeks. She would get mad every time I would question her about the frequency. When we had sex, it seemed like a job on her part. She has always been multi orgasmic and during this time frame I was lectured multiple times that she only needed one orgasm. The more I pushed for additional orgasms, the more she pushed for me to finish. Her facial expressions were not that of pleasure like before, more of disgust, boredom, and or when are you going to finish. It got to the point that I seldom saw her naked. No more g strings and always a bra. I always looked forward to the sleeveless blue shirt because that meant a braless day where ever we went. During this time frame that shirt always had a bra under it.

She is angry all the time and she stopped sleeping naked. By the way her hormones are controlled and checked by a MD regularly. Although she does not kiss me anymore I do kiss her. It is such an empty feeling to kiss someone with tongue and get nothing in return. I am never told that I looked nice, hot, sexy etc. She is no longer jealous of anyone and at times feels like she is pushing me toward anyone else but her. She no longer talks about us getting old together. I have always bought her flowers and got a kiss, hug, and or an “ahhh”. Now I am questioned as to why I bought the flowers, no more gratitude of any kind.

The business line goes to her cell phone and clients text her. I have always checked the phone records to manage our data usage. With the attitude I looked at the data usage closer and noticed a lot more of small data being used through the day and at night. The business has not grown. I have since learned that sms texts, instant messaging, tweets, etc., use the size of data shown on the bill. Some texts would match up to my data or the kids, most did not. Texts and or chat apps are not saved on the phone when done over Wi-Fi once deleted. On many occasion she would state that “I never delete any of my texts”. I found deleted and missing texts on her smart phone.

Cell records showed that she almost always answered private numbers she never did before. She guards it like it is part of her. She never forgets it, or leaves it any ware. When she takes a shower or goes to the bathroom, the phone goes with her. Even when she is in the pool, the phone is on the side of the pool at risk of falling in. She has the phone with her when she mows the grass and works in the yard. She would go shopping without me and the phone bill would show that she was surfing the intranet while she was out. While she was out alone she seldom answer my calls. If I call her three or four times in a 1 to 3-hour time frame while she is out, she waits until she is around the corner on her way home; then she calls me and apologizes; the volume was turned down, on vibrate etc. Phone records showed that most of these times she answered other calls around the same time as the calls of mine she ignored. When answering other calls, the phone would have shown a missed call from me.

We are landlords and we used to do showings together. Now when I ask if she wanted to go with me she said no. When I ask her if she wanted me to go with her to the showings she said no. Then I noticed that some showings would take her an hour while others of the same type would take 3 plus hours. Her mom lives 75 miles away. She spends more time driving to see her mom during this time than ever before. Needless to say she went to see mom by herself, she would make excuses for me not to come. She had more time to herself than she does with me.

She spends more time working at the corporate office than she did when working from home. She started to go shopping after work and on the weekends. I could count the number of times she went shopping by herself before this on less than two hands over a ten-year stretch. She seldom asks and never begged for me to go shopping like before. On several occasions she told me straight up that she did not want me to go with her before I said a word. Out of the blue on several occasions she said that she thought that we were joined at the hip too much and needed time for herself.

I have noticed that when she would go shopping or to the office she would do makeup and hair, etc. nothing real big but more than she did prior to this new behavior. I found this odd since she claimed to have her door closed all day. She is no longer excited to go out with me, it was like pulling teeth. When she does, she does not take near the time to look or smell as good as she did to go the office or shop by herself. While out with me she no longer would lean in to talk; she would sit straight up facing forward or look at her phone and no touching. If I touched her I got a negative responsive or none at all.

I travel for work and she has always come along. We have got to see a lot on the company dime. She started to complain about the travel and told me recently that would be happy if she never had to travel with me again. She used the word hate with every one of these conversation and on two occasions stayed home. The little bit we traveled lately she has been distant, disconnected and complained most of the time again using the words hate. Nothing was the same touching, kissing etc. all gone. She would get mad when I showed affection in public and gave me little to no response in private.

She has always told me about new Facebook friends. We then went to a party of her old high school friends and she told me afterwards that several of the girls Facebook friended her. I did not have her password to Facebook at this time. She did not tell me that she was also friended by a single guy from the party the same day the girls friended her. I caught her texting him on how to use the instant messenger app at 11:30 pm. I thought he had just IM her and thought nothing of it until I found out months later that she had already been having a friendly conversation with him on Facebook and she wanted him to use the IM app instead of Facebook. The IM app can delete messages permanently. The conversation I found on Facebook prior the IM app was innocent, but never finished on Facebook. The conversation on Facebook happened during a family crisis involving the kids while she was giving me major grief over the phone and in text. Time stamps show that while on Facebook with him she ignored my calls to her.

She had two preventive surgeries and did not want me going to any of her doctors’ appointments or surgeries. I did go to the surgeries against her will. She has always been very open concerning her heath and I have always gone to her appointments before.

When I confronted her about her actions and that I thought she was having an affair she immediately became angry and started throwing it back in my face calling me crazy etc. I do not understand the anger. For more than two years the lack of touch alone, which is a large part of her personality, is a big red flag especially after I had questioned it so often. After realizing that I was checking up on her she got even angrier.

The next day she told me that we could talk about this once and could never bring it up again; that has not happened. Only after realizing that I was snooping did she later tell me that she could see how I thought the Facebook friend could have been seen as an affair.

Then later she told me that she understood how the lack of touching could generate the feeling of an affair as well. I still have never got any explanations for her actions.

I have taken several cheater tests and she scores 90% or more. I have a lot of red flags but no smoking gun. I still believe there was some kind of indiscretion.

This is a short version of the transgressions that I converted to writing for counseling. She asked to read the long version, got to page 3 and has never finished it. She acknowledged some little things in those pages but nothing big. Things are getting better but I still have no answers. My question to all of you; is that she swears that there was no affair, in your experiences hindsight 20/20, could she be telling the truth?
Thanks for listening.