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Fri 20 May, 2016 02:07 pm
Hello everybody. A little background - I and my husband married 5 years ago, I'm a stay at home mom (both of us agreed that with having 2 kids it's better financially and otherwise for us). Ever since I can remember he's been telling me he wants to be a cop. We met while he was in the Army, he got out, wanted to apply for a police job but didn't work at it at all and was denied. He finally got a retail job and was promoted to manager.
A year ago, he was 'supposedly' working on his degree until I found out he had flunk out several classes and they kicked him out - I only found that out AFTER he was kicked out, I had NO inkling that he was doing this bad since he was still studying at home.
Okay, I accepted the lie after a big fight and he kept pushing for his dream of being a cop - I supported him, he went to a citizen police academy, we paid to get him physically prepared, went through the nerves of a LENGTHY scrutinizing vetting process, we both did everything we could so he could make it (1 out of 8 who applies made it in). Well, he did.
Now, two months while in the police academy, he comes home and tells me that he doesn't think this job is for him either.
I blew up!!!! Obviously he shouldn't be a cop if he doesn't feel up to it BUT he hasn't liked ANYTHING he has done so far (he's 28) - he got out of the army- hated it, hated retail, hated studying for his degree and NOW, after 5 years of him talking non stop about how he wants to be a cop, he dislikes this too. WTH!!!
I feel like I married a kid right about now, who has no idea what he wants to do and just tries out new things at 28, with a family. My first instinct is to bolt and let him live out his immaturity because I refuse to be his mother. What say you, wise ones of the internet?
Is it possible that your husband has PSTD? Did he see combat when he was in the service?
The reason I ask is that he seems to be indecisive and depressed.
He should see a counselor.
@blabla80,
I think counseling is a good idea - also to lay some ground rules in your marriage. E. g. you have kids and there are responsibilities. Like it or not, he is going to have to own up to those and deal with them while he finds himself. I speak as someone who did not know what to do with my life until fairly recently - and I'm over the age of 50.
But the bills still have to be paid. He has got to work or he has to care for the kids while you do. He has to contribute to the household while he gets his act in gear and figures out what to do with his life. He also has to stop hiding whenever he decides he hates something - and that may have something to do with your relationship. Sorry to say, but if he felt he could not confide in you that he was unhappy, that may have had something to do with him pretending to be continuing with school.
College may not be for him. Maybe his bliss is working with his hands, or any number of things. Some career counseling would be a help to him as well. He could at least get an idea of what he is good at or at least suited for. Your local unemployment office may have programs he could look into which would be free or low cost. Eliminate what he really hates. Figure out what he tolerates. Determine where his talents lie. But at the same time, work in retail or the like in order to put food on the table.
@blabla80,
Maybe he could stay at home while you work to pay the bills. If it doesn't work, maybe it will provide him with the employment motivation he seems to be lacking.
Believe me, the world is filled with people doing jobs they don't especially enjoy.
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