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Fri 8 Apr, 2016 01:52 pm
We met in college 3-4 years ago and while we sat at the same table for one of our classes, I couldn't remember him when he approached me in a bar a few weeks afterwards.
I'll call him Mike. Mike and I exchanged numbers and we continued to text somewhat frequently, but in a way he sort of friend-zoned himself. At the time, I was caught up in my feelings for someone else, and I couldn't even focus my attention on anyone new.
Still, Mike was sweet and he never tried to force himself on me. Granted, we never went on a date or anything, but he would contact me just to talk about school, work, and life in general.
At my age, it's hard to find a man who puts that effort forth without expecting or hoping for sex or attention in return, but as I said, Mike never pushed that.
One night, he even drove and hour and a half just to hang with me although I made it clear that nothing sexual would happen between us. He still came.
Over time, conversations would come up about whether we wanted to make our connection something more, and while Mike and I both expressed interest in doing so, nothing ever came from it.
That was two years ago. We haven't seen each other in-person since. He lives on the West Coat while I reside in NYC. Still, he keeps in contact with me.
Men have told me that this must mean Mike likes me, because they wouldn't continue contact with a woman who lives on the opposite side of the country, especially if they never slept with each other.
Still, there are times when I believe he likes and times when I'm not sure. There are times when he appears to express interest and I don't respond in the ideal way, and there are times when I've expressed interest and he doesn't respond in the ideal way.
There were times when he made the effort to see me, and I declined and vice versa as well.
I can't quite figure him out, and this has been going on for about four years now. It leaves me wondering about what could be, because there's been so many missed opportunities between us to make it something more.
What's in Mike's head?! Help.
Two ships passing in the night . . .
Nothing will come of this until ONE of you speaks up or does something to move this out of "friendship." zone.
As it is now, you are just friends.
Is he waiting until he graduates before he acts? What are you waiting for, if you think something could come from this?
YOUR lack of action is as much a mystery as his.
@shiamaria,
shiamaria wrote:Men have told me that this must mean Mike likes me, because they wouldn't continue contact with a woman who lives on the opposite side of the country, especially if they never slept with each other.
we don't know what's in his head.
are you interested in more of a relationship with him right now? have you told him what you want from him?
__
I've got male friends that I've maintained contact with for decades where there has never been a sexual relationship and it was never a consideration.
That's what being friends is like - you stay in touch over the years.
@shiamaria,
shiamaria wrote: Granted, we never went on a date or anything, but he would contact me just to talk about school, work, and life in general.
you are describing a casual friendship
@PUNKEY,
Thanks for your response. He told me he was interested in something more about a year ago, and I guess I inadvertently shut it down. Although I wasn't trying to.
Not sure how to approach it from here or how he feels anymore. Especially since he lives on the opposite side of the country.
Appreciate your help!
Sounds like both of you are caught up in the 'When Harry Met Sally' syndrome.
M - F relationships have to be all or nothing, especially if you have any other 'prospects' is what most people settle on. Doesn't make people happy but that seems to be the default.
@shiamaria,
Same as in yours: confusion and day-dreams of what might be...
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