Would he really take the time to cheat AND not have sex?

'Cause he's a dog.

You made a bad choice.
For the sake of your self-esteem.....

.....move on.

My question is: Why does it matter to you why he chose a handjob? The only thing that should matter is that he cheated on you. You seem less concerned about that than the whole handjob choice.

In any case, you claim he cheated on you for years with her. Was he really only getting handjobs all those years? Why would she forgo any sexual contact from him just to give him handjobs? Are you really certain he is being honest with you about this?

Bottom line, if you are willing to forgive him for cheating and try to save the marriage, what does it really matter why he only received handjobs from her (assuming he is being truthful about this.) Work on rebuilding trust between the two of you and stop focusing on why his cheating only involved handjobs. Details of the cheating are not important and only causes a distraction from dealing with the main issue, ie he cheated.

he cheated.

what are you going to do about it?

Let's see now what the tally is for what kind of **** he is:
Already, he has cheated on you...plus he's a chronic cheater.

He also has lied about the fact he was seeing someone and seeing her for awhile - and seeing her for a l-o-n-g while.

Do you really think it didn't go beyond that?

Are you going to believe him about anything? Especially when he says he 'only' had a hand-job.

Why would you think that this woman settled for that?
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So if that were the case (handjob only), is he stupid, too? Or he thinks you are.

As callous as it may sound, if I were you, I'd Kick him to the Curb!
BTW, getting a handjob IS having sex.