Dating

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I met someone online and we started chatting last January. We met for the first time last May. Due to circumstances although we still text and messaged and called each other every day we didn't see each other again until the end of October last year. He lives a fair distance away. Since then we have seen each other for the weekend every 3 weeks or so. I should explain he has bad anxiety and so therfore commitment issues although he says he wants what I want we just need to take things slowly. We have not yet had a physical relationship but we do.kiss and cuddle and hold hands and sleep in the same bed. The thing that bothers me is that he still logs onto the dating website we met on ( I have a profile on there he wouldn't know was me) What should I do? I don't want to go full on and confront him as he has trust issues which I would blow out of the water if I admitted what I had been doing!

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 2,707 • Replies: 19

[+3] - jespah - 01/31/2016So, you're still on those dating sites, too. Sounds like both of you are hedging your bets.

Please can someone help me decide what to do? I am in love with this man and I am at a loss as to what to do.

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@Vix66,

So, you're still on those dating sites, too.

Sounds like both of you are hedging your bets.

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I deleted my profile last year but a friend of mine saw him still on there so I created a new one just to look. So no not hedging my bets just curiosity!!

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I just don't know how to handle the situation without making him run for the hills. We can't be intimate because of his anxiety, he takes a long time to trust for the same reason. I am falling in love with him and just can't help.feeling I am going to end up hurt again.

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@Vix66,

When you see him, is it in your home or his?

Do you spend time with his friends when you see him?

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We do one weekend at mine and one at his. I have met his friends, his brother and sister his children and his grandchildren.

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Every time I go up he makes sure I get to spend time with the kids and grandkids as he says it's important for me to spend time with them.

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@Vix66,

Vix66 wrote:

We can't be intimate because of his anxiety

are you sure intercourse is physically possible (on his part) ?

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Yes. Without too much detail. We get so far but he can't go all the way as it were! He is seeing a councillor now which he went to for me to try and overcome his anxiety issues. He just asks me to give him time, which I do. On all other counts we are fine. We nessage all the time. Talk on the phone every day. Which is why him going on the dating site is so puzzling. He is only on there for no more than a couple of minutes sometimes every day and then he won't for days at a time.

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Any more advice out there?

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@Vix66,

Me, I'd ask him to see a doctor. Not sure of the right one, probably a urologist.

http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/erectile-dysfunction-basics

It may be the dysfunction that makes him anxious in the first place. Or, of course, anxiety may have appeared first, but at his age, I'd still think of seeing a urologist. At least he should talk with his regular m.d.

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@Vix66,

Vix,

It's good that he is seeing a counsellor, therefore I am sure you understand that he has issues he has to deal with and if he can get over that, to the next step, a proper relationship may formulate. Maybe you also can look up how to assist a man with such anxiety given you both sleep together, it sounds like he has a real fear of intimacy.

What you have to consider is if he can't jump this, is this how you want to spend your twilight years?

Perhaps he is viewing the dating sites, here and there, not often, with the belief that you may not hold on much longer.

And honestly, that's possible given you posted here.

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Hi. Thanks for the advice. Ossobuco it's not that I know it all works if you catch my drift we just can't be fully intimate. Found soul....I have researched alot and he knows that I have. I know that may be the reason but the problem won't disappear with someone else. He knows I do understand and I am patient enough to give him the time he needs. He talks about the future and I think that's why I don't see why he still goes on the sites, although you could be right maybe he thinks I will get fed up and leave but in my mind he should wait to see if I do. He has a couple of times asked me if I want to leave him and he knows that I won't. It hurts to see him on there but maybe a man's mind works in a diff way!!

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@Vix66,

I did understand that, which is why I mentioned his seeing an m.d.

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It's his anxiety I know it is. I have done a lot of reading up on it. It's the whole dating site thing that bothers me more. The rest will be ok in time I am sure.

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@Vix66,

You are very fortunate to be able to meet and connect up, many couples break up

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Do you mean break up in general or with the issues that we currently have??

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Ok. So now an update! He said he wants a break for a bit as his anxiety/panic attacks are bad at the moment and for now he wants to be friends. However he still texts me every morning, all day and every night. We still chat on whatsapp as well and talk on the phone every day. I was confused before but now I completely at a loss to.understand what's going on Sad

please help!

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@Vix66,

I just started dating someone who was on some dating websites that I advised him sign up to before I was a widow ....I have not even once worried that he is still on the dating websites . If he is it will not work out for us ...But I have no reason to distrust him .

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