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My wife has no desire for sex. What can I do?

 
 
docini
 
Reply Sun 24 Jan, 2016 11:33 am

Q. i am not sure what has taken our sex life away, maybe it's I am highly driven, and she is not. My wife is 29 and started withdrawn at 27, constantly explaining she is tired. For the past year it has begun to feel like I am married to my sister. My wife has little or no desire for sex, and often gives me the impression that she does it to passify me. And will not get checked because we'll i am not sure. I am allowed to touch her, but feel no intamacy in return. There is very litt le physical contact on her part, and what makes it worse is I love her so much.

We have been together 8 years and I cannot imagine being with another woman, if you lined up all the women, I still would pick her. She is so beautiful and it is torture not being able to hold the one you love. I think about sex with her all the time and am frustrated and sad and feel unwanted.
divorce is the farthest from my mind and do not want to start my life over. I want my wife back, i want our intamacy back. I am starting to lose hope that will ever happen and do not know how to adjust. I do not think I can go the rest of my life without being able to hold and cuddle and make love to someone who will love me back the same way I want her too. What can I do?
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sun 24 Jan, 2016 01:54 pm
@docini,
A doctor.

Fatigue can be a symptom of something else. A virus. Depression. Etc. etc.

Frame it not in the context of sex. This is not about you getting nookie; it's about making sure your wife is healthy.

If she is healthy then why is she tired? Do you have small kids she's running around after all day long? A large house that only she takes care of? A long commute for her? A physically demanding job? A sick parent whose condition is worrying her?

Get to the bottom of the reasons for her fatigue - and there may be several. And yes, talk to her. Again, not in the context of sex but in the context of your marriage. You want to reconnect. So talk! And listen.
docini
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Jan, 2016 02:21 pm
@jespah,
she is healthy we constantly watch our diet and what we eat, along with exercise. With that i cant answer is she tired? We have no children, but have discussed having them, why we haven't taken that leap of faith is a discussion for another topic. As for the house it is a small modular, in which I have ocd and do most of the cleaning as I want quality time with her so I take care of it she only does the laundry and that is by her choice. She does commute an hour each way to work as do i.. her career is that of a scheduling assistant for a private orthopedic practice, rarely speeks of it andone it being demanding. As for the parents she adores her father and not so much her mother but we spend time each week visiting them or them visiting us...
I hope this answers your questions?
Now to mention the children, we both have wanted children for three years now, have tried and been tested, I have a low count so it seems to be that I am not able, we have talked about other options but financially cannot afford them. This does not diminish my intimate drive...
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Jan, 2016 02:47 pm
@docini,
And I'm not a doctor.

Take her anyway. There may be something you don't know about. Or she could be depressed. Please do not get this information from the Internet.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Jan, 2016 03:56 pm
@docini,
docini wrote:
With that i cant answer is she tired?


that's right - you can't answer that.

she needs to see a doctor about this.

Do you ever mention your tiredness in front of her parents? perhaps one of her parents will pick up on it and be supportive when you suggest she see a doctor

Focus on her getting treatment for her fatigue - hopefully treatment there will help her in many areas of her life, including energy/interest for intimacy.
0 Replies
 
 

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