Why did he "casper" me?

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Advice, Ghosting, Caspered
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The gist of this story is that I had 4 gr8 dates with this guy. On the 4th date he invited me to sleep at his apt. I had my period and told him that we could postpone the "sexual" part of the relationship for a few days if he wanted (actually I was giving him and "out" in case that was all he wanted). He said no worries, we'd just be limited in what we would do. In the morning I got up and said I had to get to my car. He said he'd come with me (uninvited, but wanted); also another "out" in case he just "wasn't that into me..."). When we got to my car (and he paid for the $20 cab ride) he asked me if I wanted to get breakfast with him (He invited me, not the other way around). He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to walk around the farmers market before going into the restaurant. As we were talking, he told me about a play he had gone to saying that he wished that he'd gone with me instead of his friends. We got into the car and I never heard from him again. What the fck did I do and/or what the fck is wrong with him?

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Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 3,369 • Replies: 21

I can't say, but he sounds like a creep to me. I suspect he was just preening his ego about what a wonderful guy he is. Forget him, you did nothing wrong, and you seem like a sensible person. There are more fish in the sea, so i say, go fishing.

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@modernrapunzel,

Did you even consider calling him?

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@modernrapunzel,

There could be a thousand reasons for his absence but none would qualify as a good excuse.

Here's the bottom line. it doesn't matter. He saved you a lot of drama. Let's say he did you a favor because he is not relationship material. Allow this momentary disappointment to spur you on to finding someone a bit more stable and suitable.

And here's a bit of unsolicited advice: 3 or 4 dates sometimes ..many times... is not enough time to develop intimacies.

Good luck with dating and keep on plugging away.

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@modernrapunzel,

if you described the situation correctly, sounds like he wasn't patient enough to wait for you to get off your . and he found another girl that he could bone quicker. he just didn't want you to think that he was a dog. I guess its a reputation thing. friends and I call guys like him "the patient wolf" because he was patient enough up to one point, but at the end of the day he still had the same goal in mind "get some p****". it didn't matter to him where it came from. gotta respect it though lol. as a victim all you can do is just learn from that. trust me, once your off your . he'll hit you back up because your still "the one that got away" haha! he just doesn't realize that you got away because he wasn't patient enough and had hidden intentions.

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Maybe he got hit by a bus or got really sick - did you try to contact him?

I would have sent him a quick text or note or left him a message - just saying something like hi simple.

If you then do not hear back from him - he isn't interested and was only looking for a quickie - move on.

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@Linkat,

What I left out of the story only to shorten it was that we'd had sexual relations before this date, so I never thought it was about getting what he wanted and then ghosting me. Any thoughts on that? I gave him every excuse possible not to spend time with me...

1 Reply

@TeddyTuesday,

What I left out of the story only to shorten it was that we'd had sexual relations before this date, so I never thought it was about getting what he wanted and then ghosting me. He had 4 opportunities to just let me have a quick getaway!

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You didn't contact him after that date?

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@ehBeth,

No. It's an ego thing with me

1 Reply

Just wanted to thank you all for listening to this story. I'm 48 years young and have been married, divorced, lived with men... All I know is that the older I get, the less I really know. HOpe you all had a great new year.

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@Linkat,

I didn't try calling or texting. He didn't get hit by a bus or is sick (perhaps in the head though).

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@TeddyTuesday,

Any thought on that? I don't think he's coming back and really, I DON'T want him. I just want my ego back in tact.

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@Ragman,

Thank you for your sage advice. You seem like a good guy. Stay warm wherever you are!

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@CoastalRat,

no. It's an ego thing. I would never give someone that satisfaction. I'm sure he's not in a ditch somewhere...

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@modernrapunzel,

modernrapunzel wrote:

I gave him every excuse possible not to spend time with me...

the OP sounded like you were trying to get rid of him ... and he got the message. Probably best for both of you.

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what does OP stand for?

1 Reply

@modernrapunzel,

"Original Poster"

1 Reply

@engineer,

Or (in this case) "original post".

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

I misread this thread for a while as I thought our poster was talking about an 8th grade relationship and was mildly shocked with the responses.

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Why did he "casper" me?

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