How to deal with a "Debbie Downer?"

I'd need more context to say anything useful. My thoughts would differ, for instance, about to handle a partner versus a casual acquaintance.

I guess I mean both ... Co worker and partner. I think having both acting this way in one day wore on me.

My husband at times can be the most negative person...not all the time but sometimes. It just hit me after work. I mean he had the day off no kids they stayed at grandma house. Any way my older daughter just got cleared to play sports after hurting a knee. She felt sick last night and he is like great now she can't practice for tryouts she won't make varsity crap like that.

I am realistic knowing how she has a sensitive stomach I simply get a puke bag ready and say she probably just ate something that didn't agree with her she will be fine in the morning.

St work we had systems issues during a busy time few people in the office and we get whiners saying dam I was late working Wednesday now this...blah blah. I am like there are few people around including business partners so if there are issues we can deal with them on Monday when we have more help.

I guess I am tired of being sensible and dealing with people trying to bring me dow.

We all know people like are very negative. It may even be that we have been that negative person at times. It seems to be a conscious decision for some people to be positive. You may even say that it is a fight to be poistive in such a negative world. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit saps one’s strength.” (Proverbs 17:22) In other words, your attitude can make a difference on your out look! We never see ourself the way others do, so maybe nicely mentioning that they are coming off negative may do the trick.

Sounds as though you had a hard day!

I doubt anyone was actually trying to bring you down. Sounds as though your husband is a worrier and a bit of a catastrophizer? I suspect one way he deals with his anxiety is to talk about what he is thinking.

I can well see how this would get you down! I can be like that, and I get myself the hell down. My father's knee was where I learned to be so obsessively anxious and negative and I have worked to change it all my life.

Only he can decide to do something about it, if, indeed, he has a tendency to be like that and it wasn't a one off. You might point out that it is a habitual mode of thought for him, if it is one.

Sounds as though you may feel you have to respond. Is that to try and make him feel better, or just that the negativity annoys you?

Yeah more of a hard day. I tend to try to stay positive and it was one of those last straw sort of things. This morning after she slept 10 plus hours she was fine.

He could have been tired too as after going to the gym with her today he sort of took my point of view....whatever happens happens. If she doesn't make varsity so what and if she decides to play JV or not at all totally up to her. She wants to play college softball not basketball so she could just focus on continuing to develop those skills.

So I think he feels better himself and more positive. Not to mention we had a good day.

Just sometimes dealing with negativity around me can bring me down and tire me.

You should focused on being happy and positive. No one is perfect. Each and everyone of us has flaws. Most people are going to have some good days and some bad days. You can't make another person be neither more negative or more positive. That is something that each person is going to have to work out for him or herself. Just focused on being the best person you can be. Understanding that you are not perfect and just be the best person you can be. Have a good sense of humor. Be caring and compassionate toward people in general. Be polite and show common courtesy. Show gratitude toward others. Never talk down to other people, especially toward someone who may be less fortunate than yourself. If you focus more on yourself, you will find that most people will feed off of your kindness and become more positive themselves. On the other hand their are some people who are just negative people and there isn't anything you can do about that.

With your work mate, do you have to do anything? Can you just move away?

I tend to listen and when I think they have vented, I'll just gradually move the subject on.....or just respond to less gloomy utterances and keep blank faced for the negative stuff. That can have an amazing effect if done subtly.

At work we use lots of very black humour to relieve stress too.

I disagree a bit with some of what you have said. I think workplaces can develop a bit of a negative culture if too much complaint and catastrophising goes on. Of course, people DO need to vent at times, or sometimes things need to be discussed and changes proposed.

Yeah, I know these people. The world is full of them. I'd like to line them all up against the wall and shoot them. People like that are just wasting good oxygen. They're the reason the world is going to hell in a handbasket and there's not a damn thing we can do about it because they run everything. Why, just today I was...oh, wait. Heh heh. Never mind.

j/k. I know quite a few people like that. Sometimes the most important thing is to form a mental firewall against their attitude. Not letting yourself get infected with it is in itself a victory, I think. The ones I know, I can prepare in advance for talking with them. I just do a mental while they're spewing negativity, and otherwise I just keep changing the subject to something more positive or at least neutral. But one thing I don't do, once I recognize what's going on, is join them, either verbally or mentally.

I had a very good example of the negativity thing with my husband. My youngest had some work that needed to be signed by a parent -- everything was an A (except some homework just noted as a check or check plus). There were two tests and a project - the project 100; one test a 97; the third a 92 - his response on the 92 - good thing she got the extra credit or she wouldn't of got an A.

I am like what? She got two high As what about those?

Don't feed the monster. Not even asking input from a "glass -half-full" person might work.

This negativity is really a whine: "I didn't get my (affirmation, praise, attention) so no one else will."

These people make the worst kind of parent, and are also difficult to work with.

I just pointed out to him about the 100 and the 97.

Then tried to deflect more by asking if he read the teacher's notes on the project/paper. It was a really good paper she wrote - not humble in any way, but very good. Along with her illustrations.

I am just venting a bit here - because it does annoy me - as I like to recognize how well she does - and even if she didn't get the bonus - she would have still had a high B nothing to sneeze at. Fortunately my daughter wasn't right there --- I think he sometimes says things out loud too instead of thinking them out in his head before saying something.

Currently for the term she has all As and a high B - the high B is result of having difficulty in the geometry portion of math - he was on her too as she has a test today in math. She has the potential to move it up to an A if she gets a high A today.

His approach is --- did you study enough, I hope you are ready!

I do remind her if she does well she could get all As for the first time. And the fact she needs to hand in a report card this spring for her basketball team (they need a report card to prove what grade they are in for state competition) - and her coach would get to see how well she is doing.