Should I Ask This Girl Out?

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Apologies in advance for the long story but I felt like the backstory was important to my question

There is a girl that I knew from work but never got a chance to interact or talk to since we worked on different departments in the store. 3 Months ago when the fall college semester started we ended up in the same class together. Our connection from work is ultimately what got us to talk and it was her that proposed the idea for us to get together and study. Around this time she was also moved to the same department that I work on so we have also gotten a chance to see and interact with each other at work now.

I have developed a great deal of attraction for her but I am very conflicted if it is worth risking what in the very least has become some sort of friendship. We have spent alot of time together meeting outside school even if its just under the context of studying. I don't know if she feels the same way though since I am always the one that has to initiate the conversation. However when we study she laughs at a lot of things that I say so it's really hard to get a clear read on her.

While I know this may sound cheesy I feel like this is somehow meant to be and something is suppose to happen since prior to this we had no interaction at work and now we both ended up in a class together and subsequently got a chance to know each other through our mutual connections.

I would love nothing more than to spend more time with her on a personal level outside of school but at the same time I fear what may come from a potential rejection. I have really enjoyed having a person to study with and talk about the class with so I would hate to jeopardize that in any way. I don't mind being rejected but I feel like things could get awkward since we see each other so often at work and we are both pursuing the same career so the likelihood of seeing her in future classes is likely. However I can't help but feel the way I do about her.

Based on the information I have provided does it look like the odds are in my favor? Or is this a risk that I should not take until I feel more certain about how she feels?

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 781 • Replies: 12

@marcuslarcus,

Okay, I'm sick and tired of this.

Not you, personally, and my apologies for the rant, but I see these questions pretty much constantly here.

There is a whole generation growing up and about to go out into the world that is so utterly terrified and paralyzed by a potential rejection that they will do nothing unless they are 100% guaranteed of success.

That is not what life is all about.

Life is about taking intelligent risks.

Foolish risks, like seeing how far you can go before you OD, driving drunk, or not using a condom? Forget about those. No problem in avoiding those and, if you are, I salute you for it.

But this is a risk, too. It is a teeny tiny one.

What is the worst that can happen? I mean that absolute, incredibly worst ever, ever, ever?

That you suffer social embarrassment?

Honey, people suffer social embarrassment every single day and they get over it.

That you lose a friend?

She wasn't your friend before you started college. News flash - she may not be your friend afterwards, regardless of what happens, even if you never ask her out.

This is virtually a risk-free situation you have in front of you. You already study together, and she already initiated it. All you have to do is take her out for coffee (and please pay! Not because you're the guy but because you're the one doing the inviting), have a lovely time and, at the end of it, say, "I had a really good time, and I hope you did, too. You want to make our next get-together a real date? Say, this Saturday night?"

And then you see what happens.

There are no guarantees in life. You are going to apply for graduate schools you may not get into (there was no absolute guarantee you'd get into college unless we're talking about an open admissions school). You are going to apply for jobs which you may not be hired for. You are going to try for houses and apartments that you might not get.

Life does not come with guarantees.

Rant over.

Thanks for listening, and I hope it works out for you.

2 Replies

@marcuslarcus,

Having a relationship with someone you work with can be dicey. That said, without risk there is no reward. Ask her out. Just be aware that if things end poorly between you there could be issues at work.

0 Replies

@jespah,

I had the same reaction. You've said it quite well. I feel that it's not about the OP, but the stigma of this generation's approach to very little risk-taking with relationships.

The same thing can be said with the misuse of computer/smartphones and pursuit of a relationship through texting. Mercy, just call them or go visit them in person...but I digress. This is not just a problem or habit of this generation alone...just a bit more common here.

Marcus:
It boils down to this: if you want to be in a relationship (more than just study friends), then ask her out. She's given you some signs that she might be interested. Have a discussion with her about it...DON'T OVER-ANALYZE it to DEATH!

Ask her out ... and ... if she turns you down, then nothing ventured, nothing gained. You won't have damaged anything. Likely there won't be any awkwardness...especially if you don't let it get in the way.

0 Replies

@jespah,

I appreciate your response but as mentioned in the post what in my mind would make this different than a typical rejection is the fact that this is a co worker and a potential person that I will see in future classes. I have been rejected in the past before and I kept things moving but in my eyes this is different situation since we have the things I mentioned in common.

Having said that I see where you are coming from in the sense that there isn't a lot at stake. Hopefully we have spent enough time together to where even in the scenario that I am turned down she would still want to continue studying and not just think I am trying to meet up with her outside of school just to get with her.

Oddly enough that you mention taking her out for coffee, one of the places we have met in the past to study is at starbucks and I actually did buy her a drink so I think if i do choose to invite her somewhere it would have to be some place else so she would know its not going to be about school.

2 Replies

@marcuslarcus,

marcuslarcus wrote:

I think if i do choose to invite her somewhere it would have to be some place else so she would know its not going to be about school.

if you're asking her out, make it clear it's not about school. don't leave it up to her to guess.

a coffee date (or something similarly casual) is good as it's not as intimidating/stressful as a "big" date can be.

relax.

Ask her out. She will either say yes or no. Either way it is not a huge deal. Life will go on. You will both continue to go to school. You will both continue to work.

A date is not a commitment to a life together. It's supposed to be fun.

0 Replies

@marcuslarcus,

If not coffee, hmm, there are tons of casual ways to get together. Are the leaves changing where you live? Then go outside (weather permitting) and go for a walk. Get ice cream if it's hot where you are. See where I'm going with this?

As for work - it's true that it's generally not a great idea to date your co-workers. And if that's the issue, then by all means exercise caution. But unless this is your big-time career shot, or the company is truly tiny, it's no biggie if she says no.

Go fer it! You can do it! Smile

1 Reply

@jespah,

There is actually a good hiking spot where we live and I have been leaning towards asking her there if I do go for it since I feel like that would give us a chance to really talk as apposed to the typical dinner and a movie date. While nobody likes hearing no it would be a shame to leave this the way it is and later on wonder what could've of been.

I think it's all about timing though, the last time we meet to study I was almost certain I was going to ask her that day but the vibe didn't feel right since our study session was in the evening and it seemed almost rushed and lacking in playful conversations. While that may just be in my head I feel like the mood can play a big role in her decision.

1 Reply

@marcuslarcus,

Well, it can also be a way to put such things off.

Hiking sounds lovely. But if it gets overly cold or snowy, it's not going to be fun. Hence you have a deadline, yes? I'd consider going past the 15th of November to be too chilly (I live in Boston). Your mileage will undoubtedly vary, but understand that you might be engaging in avoidance behavior.

1 Reply

@jespah,

I live in the west coast so the weather should not be a problem. I will own up to it and say that part of me got cold feet but at the same I truly felt like the vibe was not what I would have liked it to be just based on what I mentioned. We had met the day before to study as well and in hindsight I probably should of done it that day instead since I felt like we had a great exchange that day.

The only reason why I set my mind on asking her on that particular day was simply because we had already made plans to meet up that day as well so I didn't want to make it awkward seeing each other the following day to study regardless of what the answer would of been since our date wouldn't of been until later on that week because of school and whatnot.

2 Replies

@marcuslarcus,

/comes over and spends all winter/

What? It gets cold here.

You'll be fine. Smile

0 Replies

@marcuslarcus,

give her a call/send her a text

ask if she'd like to spend the afternoon hiking with you before your next study date

relax

0 Replies

@marcuslarcus,

If you don't take a chance and pursue her, for the rest of your life you will always be wondering what could have been. She just might want you to ask her out. If she doesn't, oh well, life goes on.

0 Replies

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