Need Help please!!!! Child Custody and Relocation

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I reside in Florida, I am a single mother (never married) my son is 10 yrs old and primarily lives with me (Mon-Fri) and goes with his father on the weekends (sat/sun) as of late (past the 9 months) his father has been only been picking him up on Saturday night and drops him back off on Sunday night for the most part. I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year and a half due to my partner being in the military. He is stationed in Pensacola while I live in Miami but we see each other as much as we can including my son. He will be getting out of the military in two months and has already signed on to work for with a company where he has the option to live in either Georgia or South Carolina and work from home 80% of the time while making enough money to support me and my son as well. I am a licensed health care professional and would be able to transfer my license to either state in order to be able to be able to practice my profession. I however do not have a job offer yet. My plan is to work PRN as I have done till now to allow me the flexibility to care for my child when he gets home from school, etc. The father refuses to let me take my son although I’ve attempted to come up with a schedule where he would see him more accumulated days than he does now. He would have him the entire summer, spring break, Thanksgiving break and, Christmas vacation. I proposed bringing my son back down one weekend of the month which I would coordinated with the holidays and teacher planning days throughout the year that fall on Fridays and or Monday. My partner has even offered to pay for his flight and hotel stay every other month so that he goes up to visit his son. He still refused and my son does not want to leave either as he buys him with toys on a regular basis. As a father he is not involved when it comes school and extracurricular activity in almost 2 yrs of my son practicing a sport he has only been there twice. I would like to move forward in my relationship and start a family with my partner but it seems to be impossible unless I leave my son. This is extremely hard for me being that I have never left him more than 3 days at a time. Although my son and I are extremely close (example: he still sleeps with me) I am the authoritarian parent and I feel like this interferes with the fact that he wouldn’t mind staying with his father. With all this being said, I would like to know if I even have a chance of being able to relocate with my son now that Florida laws have changed??? And any advice as to what court/judges may look for in order to grant my request???

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@Apple321,

Offhand, it looks like you forgot to mention the present court order giving him visitation or partial custody. You may not be required to allow contact, and it doesn't seem as though he's much interested in the responsibilities of parenthood.

Just from your side of the story, it almost sounds as if he is bribing your son with indulgences. If I were you, I think I would be worried about the possibility of releasing son into his custody. Both father and son might not be willing for him to return to your care, and a far as I can read here, there's no court order governing either custody or visitation. Unless I'm reading wrong, you might need a ruling that limits his behavior.

I think it was Samuel Goldwyn that said an oral agreement isn't worth the paper it is written on.

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@Apple321,

You have no right to take your son away from his father. What you are trying to do is wrong.

Just imagine how you would feel if this were reversed. How would you feel the father wanted to move (to be with his new partner no less) and planned to take your son and would let the son stay with you for the summer.

I hope that the law protects the rights of both the son and the father. I hope that no court or judge would grant your request.

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@roger,

Quote:

Just from your side of the story, it almost sounds as if he is bribing your son with indulgences. If I were you, I think I would be worried about the possibility of releasing son into his custody.

Roger, I couldn't disagree with you more. The mother in this story is not looking out for her son's best interest. She is persuing a romantic relationship that she wants for herself.

Even only listening to her side of the story... and not hearing the father's side. There is no way to interpret this other than the fact that the father cares about his relationship with his son.

The mother has no right to interfere with this.

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@Apple321,

You are asking for legal advice, which this site does not provide (seriously, it's against our Terms of Service).

You need a lawyer for this.

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@Apple321,

Book an appointment with a lawyer. Take the current court order with you.

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@ehBeth,

Forget the lawyer and just do what is best for your son.

Your son needs his father. If you care about your son more than you care about this new man, you will work together with your son's father to parent together rather than dragging this into court.

Custody battles are never good for kids.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Roger, I couldn't disagree with you more.

No problem. I'm kind of used to that.

1 Reply

@roger,

Do you think that it is right for a man to take a son away from his mother so that so that he can pursue a relationship with another woman?

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@maxdancona,

Simply reversing genders does not change the situation in any way.

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@roger,

So please explain your reasoning then.

You have one parent who wants to move away to be with a lover. The other parent clearly cares about the child and is making an effort to be with the child. This is obvious even if all the gripes this woman has about the father are true.

Why would you side with the parent who is clearly putting her own desires above the needs of the child?

I can say this from experience... there is no love lost between me and the mother of my children. Our relationship ranges between strained and hostile. And yet, I work very hard to co-parent, I swallow whatever bad feelings I have about my ex-wife to cooperate with her when it comes to our daughter. I do this because I care about our daughter. Whatever bad things that I have to say about my ex-wife, I have to appreciate that she does the same... she works with me for the good of her daughter.

I can't imagine ever demanding to take my daughter away from where her mother lives. This would only be an asinine thing to do to her mother... it also would put my daughter in the middle of a struggle that she should have no part of. My dating life takes a back seat to the needs of my daughter... and if I ever chose to follow a lover out of state... I would understand that since I am the one choosing my own needs, I will be the one to make concessions. I can't see this ever happening.

Think of what will happen if this mother gets this lawyer and takes this fight to the father of her son. Not only will this make their ability to co-parent that much more difficult, but it will inevitably put the kid in the middle. There will be lawyers, there will be questions. And, should she win, her son is going to have to deal with whatever feelings about being separated from one of his parents.

There is nothing worse than a parent who chooses their own desires at the expense of their kids. If the mother values her kid more than she values this dating relationship, then she will do everything possible to be reasonable and the work with the father.

I don't know why you would side with the parent who is putting their own needs above the needs of their kid even to the extant of putting him through a possible legal battle.

Custody battles hurt kids. Responsible parents avoid them.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Over indulgent father and maybe trying to buy the kid's affection. Has he been granted custody? Don't know but he sure doesn't sound as though he's accepting any kind of responsibility to raising the child. Has he been granted partial custody? Does he even have visiting rights? What is his claim to fatherhood? I don't even know if he completed a paternity affidavit - and neither do you.

I do recognize your bias, but try to see around it, M'kay?

1 Reply

@roger,

Do you recognize your own bias?

This is what we do know as undisputed facts.

1) This woman wants to follow her boyfriend.

2) To do this, this woman wants to separate her son from a man that she considers the boy's father. More importantly this man and this kid have a relationship and the kid considers this man to be his father.

3) This woman is considering dragging the father into court to be able to be with her love interest.

This is the reason I am calling bullshit on the whole thing. You don't separate your kid from his father because of your dating life. That is what this woman admits she is doing here.

Clearly the father has some sort of custody, or the mother would be making plans to move already. Clearly the father has the weekends, and clearly the mother isn't happy about this. Clearly the father wants to be a part of the kids life, and clearly the mother doesn't approve of his actions (for whatever reason). And clearly the mother isn't happy with this man's involvement, it is logical to assume that if paternity were an issue, the mother would have taken advantage of it by now.

Come on! She is saying he is "trying to buy the kids affection". That attack doesn't even make sense. Even as she is attacking the father, she is admitting that he wants a relationship with his son.

My basic point is correct. A child has two parents, and both of them have a responsibility to cooperate. I would say this to a father in this situation the same as I would say this to a mother.

It doesn't make any sense for you to take this position, especially since now you are claiming that you can't know what is really going on. That is why I suspected that were the genders reversed, you might have taken the other side.

I feel very confident saying this. A responsible parent does everything possible to cooperate with the other parent involved.

Dragging your co-parent into court so that you can chase after a romantic interest isn't reasonable under any circumstances.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Dragging your co-parent into court so that you can chase after a romantic interest isn't reasonable under any circumstances.

Nor is the proposition that someone owns her and has control of her life simply by fathering a child.

Sorry bud. Maybe I'll see you on another thread.

1 Reply

@roger,

Quote:

Nor is the proposition that someone owns her and has control of her life simply by fathering a child.

Would you say that the mother was "controlling the father's life simply by mothering a child" if the genders were reversed? If the father wanted to run away with another woman and take her son away, and the mother wanted to prevent him from doing so...

That doesn't make any sense.

How do you make such a thing equal? If this isn't about gender, maybe either parent should be able to take take the child a way to be with a new romantic interest? How would this work?

I am a bit perplexed that there is so much resistance to the idea that neither parent should be able to take the child away without the other parent's approval.

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Need Help please!!!! Child Custody and Relocation

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