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My boyfriend started watching porn next to me in bed because we didn't have sex for a while.

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bubblyblonde
 
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 12:53 pm
I would like some opinions on what you would do in this situation. I've been stressed out with college and really tired when my boyfriend of 2 years gets home from work. We haven't had sex in a couple of weeks and we don't very often even thought we used to daily when we first started dating. He did communicate to me that he wanted to have sex more often so we did, but it isn't as important of a relationship quality to me so it wasn't always on my mind. The other night we got into an argument about it and he admitted to looking at photos on his phone in bed next to me while pleasuring himself. I was immediate disgusted and heart broken. What he did seems very disrespectful to me, but he claims that it's only because I wasn't sleeping with him enough. I won't argue that we haven't had sex as often lately, but I still don't think what he did was acceptable but he refuses to apologize. He said he was sorry it hurt my feelings, but he won't say he's sorry for doing it. I feel as though our relationship is on the rocks and if something doesn't change soon we won't be together. I love him greatly, but I am having a hard time moving past this. I understand that he may need to have a sex life that's a little more active than mine, but I don't think it is okay to look at other girls in bed next to me when I'm sleeping. Please help!
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Type: Question • Score: 11 • Views: 2,490 • Replies: 11
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chai2
 
  6  
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 01:01 pm
@bubblyblonde,
Sex is a great stress reliever and afterwards can help you get to sleep.

It's not always necessary to personally feel like having sex, if you know it would please the other person, and it's not putting you out. You might think back on a time he has done that for you.

As far as the porn, it disgusts you, but obviously not him. That's an issue you have to work with, and not impose your personal values on someone else.
Would you prefer for him to:

(a) look at naughty pictures and masturbate
(b) look for another sex partner
(c) just live with the fact he is sexually unfulfilled

Those are your choices. Pick one.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  3  
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 01:20 pm
@bubblyblonde,
I agree with Chai.

I don't think there is anything wrong with him using porn. If he needs more sex than you want, this seem to be a reasonable solution to the problem.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 02:44 pm
@bubblyblonde,
bubblyblonde wrote:
He did communicate to me that he wanted to have sex more often so we did, but it isn't as important of a relationship quality to me so it wasn't always on my mind.


part of being in an adult relationship is listening to your partner when they talk to you about their needs/desires.

You missed a biggie right there.

Perhaps you're not ready to be in an adult relationship.

Think really hard about what chai has said.

0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 02:51 pm
Quote:
I've been stressed out with college and really tired when...


All throughout your life, there'll be stress and distress. The beauty and the relief of being in a committed adult relationship...many times... is being intimate with your partner. If having intimacy on a regular basis is not happening, then you have serious issues that need working out. you can't just push it aside. You'll need to work that out..or move apart.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  2  
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 03:23 pm
Hi sweety,

Chai is correct. And you are correct when you say you think your relationship is at a crossroads.

You may have settled into a life with less sex, but he doesn't have to.

I'd ditch a partner with little fanfare if I told them I needed more sex and they ignored me.

0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Tue 13 Oct, 2015 04:16 pm
I suspect that BF is being passive aggressive here, that he is trying to guilt you into doing what you should be doing but are not, which is providing sex. I would rather see him arguing his point, and rethinking the relationship if it becomes clear that you are prone to be not willing to alter your schedule some so that the relationship better meets his needs, but I do approve of him making clear to you that sex matters in a relationship and that he is unhappy with your prioritizes.

If you were my GF and did not at this point admit that you were wrong I would probably leave. You would have to commit to sex at least twice a week at this point to keep me.
0 Replies
 
najmelliw
 
  2  
Wed 14 Oct, 2015 04:12 pm
@bubblyblonde,
Or option 4) You could go all Bobbitt on him. That will stop him from doing all those nasty things in bed, or bothering you for sex as well.

But seriously, what advice did you expect?

Simply put, he communicates his needs to you, but you slam the door on him for relief. And you are angry with him for trying to find relief another way.

It sounds to me as if this poor guy is caught between a rock and a hard place with a certain uniquely male part of his anatomy, and said part is slowly being ground to dust.
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Wed 14 Oct, 2015 04:21 pm
@najmelliw,
It appears that BubblyBlonde is not interested in our opinion since we are not telling her that she is great, and right. She will certainly do better getting what she wants from her female friends. Bashing men for being men is popular with the young female set.
panzade
 
  4  
Wed 14 Oct, 2015 06:53 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
Bashing men for being men is popular with the young female set.

Bashing women for being women is popular with the ol'fart men set.

The disparity in sexual desire points to your need to find a better fit.
And as Hawk points out, you don't need all that passive-aggressive bullshit in your life.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Sat 17 Oct, 2015 11:26 am
@bubblyblonde,
My wife stopped watching porn next to me in bed because we didn't have sex for a while!
0 Replies
 
curiouskitten
 
  0  
Wed 21 Oct, 2015 08:54 pm
Okay listen yes maybe doing it right beside you was wrong, but he voiced to you he has been wanting and needing sex. Honey it doesn't mean he wants these women or that he is going to cheat on you. Be happy hes only watching porn and not straying. Yes sex is not the main thing in a relationship but it does help keep a relationship healthy. Its a fantastic way to relieve stress, it is a bond between a couple that keeps things in a relationship fun. You cant really be that mad at the guy i mean youre not giving it to him. I wouldnt apologize either. Yes for hurting your feelings but not for the act. If you two are fighting over not enough sex there's a big sign honey that maybe in his eyes you dont find him satisfying anymore, or you are to busy for him cause hes giving you what you want by not having sex constantly but youre not really being fair in this. Think about it if you were the one wanting sex and he was like nah im good im tired im stressed etc. You would seriously start thinking some crazy sh!t was up. But if youre not going to give it up i would not get mad at him for watching porn. Some guys would have already found some one else to give them pleasure all hes doing is looking at naked pictures.
0 Replies
 
 

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