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Fri 11 Sep, 2015 04:21 pm
My partner and i have been living together for a year. He is an angry man by nature. I know that he has lived a lot and he knows much about life and women. I am an attractive woman as well as he is very good looking. He has never been romantic to me. All the celebrations have passed without doing anything. Even though, i have done my best to be understanding and supportive. Finally he got a job after which i hoped some things would change, but they didn't. He is a high school graduate man at the age of 30, and i'm having my master degree right now, 27. Our political views are totally different. ( i just want to give a visage of the relationship) Even though the gap that appears according to other people, he is doing his best to catch up on news and new developments that i am interested in. We have had that long chats about anger management (generally after big fights and big accusations towards me, including some very humiliating words.. ) We are both trying to fit with the married like life together. For him, when he is not angry, he is happy with me, even though he gets mad at little things.
We have lived one of those nightmares just today. I was visiting him at his office as usual and he saw that the guy next door staring at me and accused me for looking at him-that i wasn't..-and told me that i was quasi trying to get the other guy's attention (i was on the phone with my brother), and he went down stairs to his private office and started yelling at me about my character and told me that i didn't have any virtue. He said he is disgusted about me, i made him look like a slang pimp, etc etc... I tried to calm him down but he pushed me very hard. And he also grabbed my neck in the street while walking after this event and hold it till it hurts too bad.I went into shock and didn't know what to do. I was-and i am still, a little afraid of his reactions so i am not able do anything right away. My family and friends and every other person i meet respect me so much that i couldn't figure out what the heck was happening in my relationship. I need an outside view and some questions / answers for that. Thank you very very much for your help from now..
I hope no one gets a treatment like this from the person they are with.
@feyaalya,
feyaalya wrote:
I know that he has lived a lot and he knows much about life and women.
Oh? Could of fooled me.
The question is, why are you with someone like this?
oh yeah...but....I LOVE him.
@feyaalya,
Honey, why are you staying?
Don't say he loves you.
People who love do not behave this way.
Don't say you deserve it.
You don't.
Don't say he knows better than you do.
He doesn't.
Why aren't you packing your bags?
Thank you so much for your quick answers! I felt amazing to share something so special with people!
I kept on ignoring all the obvious signs of this sick relationship maybe because i just didn't want to admit that i had had a very bad decision by being with him...
I feels so hard to start all over again as a matter of fact i have no belief in relationships anymore...That is why i tried to stop blaming this or that and tried to FIX things, but it appears that i ruined, myself and my time.
@feyaalya,
Quote:I kept on ignoring all the obvious signs of this sick relationship ...
It is not just a sick relationship. It is a very dangerous one. He's not in control of his anger, he's an abuser and has already gotten physical with you. Pls get out while you still can. The next time he goes off, most likely will be a lot worse.
@feyaalya,
Get out of this relationship as soon as you can.
What on earth is keeping you in it? Please, have more esteem for yourself. Are you desperate to have a man, any man? Are you trying to save/reform him? Get away.
You don't have to be mean, even discussing can be a dumb move at this point. Be careful, he is a tinder box.
Depending on where you are, there are women's shelters and advisors to help.
@ossobuco,
Thank you for the very right points to which you drew attention: what is keeping me? Nothing but low self-esteem, that is a sad behavior looking on all the outstanding qualities i have.
I have to make an apologize to myself and to the other people who don't even want to offend me in any way .
Such a shame being so aggressive and tearing apart every little precious thing he has...we had...
@feyaalya,
We don't know where you are in the world (this is a pretty wide web site), not that we want specifics, but a general area could help us figure out how to help.
I already think you have smarts that you are not paying attention to. A lot of people understand, but you need to get out of it.
@feyaalya,
You had a life before him. You'll have a life after him.
I urge you to contact family or friends to help you out of this situation.
And a deep not the people who are in similar positions like me; it shows itself from the beginning!
No matter how much you love or care for this person or what he or she has done for you, a lifetime commitment or living together with someone doesn't include emotional abuse. No one, i mean no one has the right to put you down. Even if it is a professional unity, people shouldn't let others to create a very deep damage deep inside of their heads. This is what i've learnt from this relationship...
A true love digs you up and put the best of you on the scene. You would lovingly, not hardly, want to be the best of you!
This was my last point. Of course all of these had a background. I loved his family and they loved me back and wanted me to give this relationship a chance.(Okay not A chance, several chances) But the thing is, it is not about US! ALL THE BAD WORDS I HAVE HEARD FROM HIM WEREN'T ABOUT ME! THEY WERE ALL ABOUT HIM! About his past, about his point of view to women, about his lifestyle, about his reactions in stressful situations, and so on.
Thank you for your precious comments and time!
@ossobuco,
The country i am living in also has that kind of pressures on women although we think we had already passed women-men issues, it isn't that true.
I work, and now i have started to write my thesis.
According to him, a woman can't even have several partners in her past.
Which sounds unfair and sick to me. How come a person recognize her needs unless they try? I don't know. I am so confused and full of words:) I keep on writing! But it helped so much!
@feyaalya,
What many of us would like to know is when you have the seen the last of this person.
@feyaalya,
I think you aren't getting my meaning. When will it be that you no longer will have him in your life?
@Ragman,
Yes i read it wrong. I will ask him to take his stuff while i am away and i will be leaving tomorrow. I have just arranged my ticket.
@Ragman,
12th is our meeting day. he threw up his hate and made me leave him on 12th of the month. ironic
@feyaalya,
You can explain 12th later, I'm not making fun of that, but just go.
This person do not like you because of the EVIL SPIRIT in him, he accursed you because he is having affair with others that is why he accursed you to take on his quilt.
This person spirit has a hatred for you because you have a good spirit within you. Soon he will kill you. I suggest you leave quickly this is not a person to hang out with. There is no love in him for you. You have received his spirit of FEAR THERE IS NO LOVE IN FEAR. GOD did not put you with him cut YOUR SOUL TIE from him NOW!!!!!!
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