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Thu 10 Sep, 2015 12:13 pm
Okay. This wonderful guy and I hit off in October of last year (2014), and started dating in January. His ex and him were still very good friends. In February, he told me he hasn't gotten over her, and still had some emotional ties. but he knows that they aren't good for each other, definitely can't be together and that I'm suppose to be with him. I was devastated. It knocked me down really really hard. But I knew how amazing we were together so I stayed. One night, he was going in group (8 or so other people) and she was coming to the club with them as well. I got very jealous and stupidly texted him to say that I was at my ex's house. He thought I cheated, so he slept with the ex. The next day he told me, and I told him that I didn't sleep with my ex, and I was devastated once again that I was "cheated on". This was in March. Fast foward to today. We are still together but I am still hurting from everything. He has cut her off, and only sees her in group settings, but that is painful for me as well. I dont trust them together, in any setting. But its so hard to trust him when I know she is there, in the friend group. Any advice on trust? Should I even be in this? This is our only problem. We still laugh, go out on dates, confide in each other, love each other's families and other friends, plan on going to grad school in the same place, etc. We have everything else handled, its just this problem with this girl. The girl is moving away in december, but I don't know if I can stay on this rollercoaster. I do love him greatly, and I would love to stay but it is possible to stay without being in pain? Thanks for all of the help.
This reads like he is the honest straightforward one. How can he trust you?
You two talking more might help, or not. You seem ready to be jealous when that probably was inappropriate in the first place.. and that will get in your way.
@pinklovedielle,
You know what? If he was to go back to her and he won't I don't believe, then he wasn't right for you, full stop. It's difficult to get involved with someone with baggage. But, once that baggage is put under the bed, so to speak, it's gone. The smart thing for you to do, is to live in today, not yesterday. Keep laughing, dating and being. There is no other woman for a man, in love. And, to be in love is to have the best relationship.
Simply let this all go and concentrate only on your relationship with this guy and enjoy it.
"This was in March. Fast foward to today"
Five months and YOU still hang on to this? Please see a counselor to find out IF you can let this go and learn to trust him again. He has not shown ONE thing in the last 5 months, according to your post. What is it that makes you cling to the past?
The little "game" you played backfired. He slept with the ex and you were left with egg on your face. So you were wrong, too. You lied to him and tried to make him jealous.
If you can't move past this, you may drive him away with your unfounded suspicions and lack of trust.
@pinklovedielle,
Quote: I got very jealous and stupidly texted him to say that I was at my ex's house. He thought I cheated, so he slept with the ex.
Neither one of you should be in a relationship until you grow up. You got mad so decided instead of talking to him about why you were upset, you decided to be childish and try to hurt him. He concluded you were sleeping with the ex to get even, so rather than talk to you, he jumps into bed with his ex to hurt you. Personally, if I were he, I would have ended things with you the day after when I found out you had lied about being with the ex.
Now, five months later, you are still not letting go of what happened. This means you have not forgiven him. Either forgive him and let it go (which may require some counseling) or end it. Personally, if you cannot trust him, you might as well end it. Relationships are built on trust.
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