I lost my dad will I be the same again

Forums: Relationships, Family, Grief And Loss
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Hi, I lost my dad a year ago. I was very close to him. I have a boyfriend and used to enjoy sex. Since my dad passed I have changed so much, I have no sex drive. It is causing really bad problems within my relationship. I have never felt this way before and it's like am a different person and not only because of this, I just don't feel like having sex at all. At first there was an aspect of my dad being able to see me and to date there is still a slight fear that he may be able to which is very off putting. I am starting to beleive that there may be something wrong with me. Will I ever get over this and is this normal. At the minute I really can't see myself wanting to ever have sex again and I don't want to lose my boyfriend but understandably this is straining on him also. I hardly speak about my dads death as I hate to be such a drag on people and sound like am always down. Putting a front on is really hard and exhausting sometimes I just feel like screaming to the world that my do has gone I feel really alone. Please can anybody relate to this or give me any advice on how to begin to get back on track? I don't want to feel this way any more xx

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[+5] - Ragman - 08/24/2015If it were me I'd make an appointment and see a grief counselor...or join a grief group. You will be a whole person once more. You may be suffering from depression. The help and growth will most...

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@McBp,

If it were me I'd make an appointment and see a grief counselor...or join a grief group.

You will be a whole person once more. You may be suffering from depression. The help and growth will most likely come from professional counseling.

You're vision about you Dad watching you..and inhibits you sexually is part of a fantasy...might be brought on by extreme grief but who knows!

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@Ragman,

Thank you very much for your reply. Do you know how I go about this, maybe a group would be good for me? Even finding a forum was really hard though it never done anything like this before x

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@McBp,

I don't know how you find a helpful grief group as - while I have dealt with huge grief and probably still am dealing - I'd had iffy times with advisors in my teens. But that is many decades ago and grief advisors/groups are likely better and wiser now.

Where are you? I don't mean specifically, but general location - the U.S.? Another country? Now I would google and pinpoint such groups in your area.

Keep reading, other a2kers may know more than I do to help you.

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@McBp,

As Osso suggested, give us a region, province or even the part of a state where you are....and perhaps someone can suggest an agency.

All grief groups aren't always good for everyone with a grief issue. Modern ones are pretty good but it's very individual. As all grief counselors and grief groups may help some of the people. However, some grief counselors and/or groups can give you a good start so that you can better help yourself than what the current situation is right now.

In fact, finding a one-on-one counselor might be an even better first step.

Sorry, this sounds so confusing. I confused myself.

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Most funeral homes have grief groups. Call one of them and see.

Also, see:
http://www.jffh.com/Grief/griefa10.htm

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@McBp,

You're put off having sex because you think your dead Dad might be able to see you? If he wasn't into peeping on you when he was alive, I'd think as spirit he'd be able to refrain from such temptations.

I've considered whether dead relatives might be able to look in on me and considering what I do every day (every morning and night before bed) if they're watching, that's cool. I know my grandpa was into it too if his box of Playboys was nayhting to go by. Smile

So my advice is to accept everyone likes sex. Especially our family members. We wouldn't exist if they didn't enjoy sex too so there's nothing to feel guilty or self-conscious about when we like it as well.

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@McBp,

It would be good if you could find a resource like this in your area (this one is in NYC).
http://www.centerforbereavement.com/?gclid=CO6Mgcu4xccCFYIXHwodhpkDKg

You might consider contacting them and asking them for an appropriate bereavement/grief counseling service where you live. I think they might be a good referral source.

Often these programs are found in the outpatient services of hospitals, or through hospices, and sometimes through affiliation with religious groups.
You need to look for a group with some focus on the loss of a parent in adulthood, as opposed to loss of a spouse or child or sibling, etc. You should be able to find one. I'd start by checking out what your local hospitals or hospice programs might have available.

Everyone I've ever known who has attended bereavement/grief counseling groups has found them useful and helpful. You just need to find the right one for you. I'm sure your father would have wanted you to continue your life as fully and as satisfactorily as possible, and, right now, you need to find a place where you can talk about his loss with honest emotions and without "putting on a front." I hope you find a place like that soon.

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I lost my dad will I be the same again

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