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Here's hoping he's hit his own personal rock bottom and indeed, on the road to better things. Good luck to all of you.

Debra_Law- I am thrilled for both you and your son. Considering what happened, he is a very lucky guy, as far as the law and his employer is concerned. Good luck to the both of you!

Yes, Debra_Law, I agree that sometimes soemthing "unusual" must happen to open s.o.'s eyes.
(Speaking here of lots of own experiences )

A question aside: why is it that you are amazed about his employer?
I mean, certainly I can guess the "why", but why have criminal records, especially such small ones, to be reported? (Usually, here in germany, this wouldn't have gone to the court at all - if it was the first time - but you just got a penalty order by the office of the district attorney. You either could accept that or go to the court. - And for those under 18 [eventually under 21], junevile criminal law would be used, which is an 'educational law' here.)

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Debra_Law--

No one ever said that you had all the pains of childbirth over with at one time. I've often thought that a metaphor for A Good Mother should be a snake. Snakes can dislocate their jaws enabling them to swallow and digest all sorts of pesky critters. So can mothers.

Right now you see your son going through life, branded forever on his forehead with a Scarlet "T". Yes, he'll have a record. He also has a supportive family--and a supportive employer. That employer is not being "kind"--your son, whatever his social inexperience--is a valuable employee.

He chose to flee reality on four wheels and a brainstorm. He could have chosen a gun or pills or a brick wall. Stupidity can be corrected. Suicide can't.

You're a lucky woman. Hold your dominion.

Debra_Law

Thanks for the information.

worst case scenario


Absolutely Noddy. We are so thankful to have him back home--safe. Considering all the things that could have happened, we are most fortunate.

Deb -

As I'm sure you know I've had more than my share of problems with my son as well. I don't know why, but it always seems to be easily traceable to them having difficulty accepting a failed relationship. I do think men take relationships more seriously than we're all led to believe, and are quite sensitive and easily hurt, just like we are.

Unfortunately, one manipulative or toxic person can upset the apple cart and cause ripple effects that can last for a lifetime. I'm so glad you're all on the right track and on the way back to fixing your family.

Best of luck to all of you!

*hugs*

Thank you Phoenix


Thanks for your support, Phoenix. He seems to be in better spirits. He has a few life lessons under his belt now--and even though these lessons have been painful--I believe he is figuring out that sometimes you just have to exerience the hard things in life in order to appreciate the good.

Toxic Relationship


A few nights ago, his ex-girlfriend called at nearly 1:00 in the morning asking to speak to my son. I told her it was too late to be calling, I hung up, and I unplugged the phones from the walls. I felt guilty, but I was so AFRAID that she would get him on the phone and plead with him to get back together and work on their relationship. He could be vulnerable enough to be sucked in again.

I "confessed" to my son, told him what happened, and acknowledged that it was NOT my decision whether he should talk to her--that was HIS decision. I again told him how much I love him and how much I want to protect him, but I will respect his wishes. "If she calls again in the wee hours of the morning, should I wake you up to take the call?"

He told me no--he doesn't want to talk to her and he doesn't want to see her. We had a good talk. Just to be on the safe side, however, I unplug the phones every night before I go to bed.

Debra_Law--

I think unplugging the phones is a great idea. After all, your whole family needs to sleep well at night.

P.S. If Little Miss Demon woke you at 1 a.m. you were perfectly justified in declining to run errands for her.

Debra
My good thoughts are with you and your son, with hopes of a fresh start for him :-)

The approach


So true! BUT, I had to approach my son in a way that empowers him and reinforces his decision to break-up with her.

Throughout my life, I learned the appropriate approach for a situation almost always influences the outcome in the manner I desire. Does that make me manipulative? Probably....

Re: Aha! The approach is influential....


As long as we use these skills for good and not for evil, being 'manipulative' is not necessarily a bad thing.

I swear, on a stack of bibles: I don't have an evil bone in my body. Every now and then, I have a bad thought...but that's a whole new thread!

People sometimes in bad situations do foolish things, and while it's normal that you as a parent are worried, I kinda think that he did his foolish thing and that's not going to happen again.
And if he had to do it, it was probably best option. No one was hurt, he made something wrong, but not something that would make him criminal, and he was caught.
He sounds like a good person, and fact that he realizes that he made a mistake and is also probably a bit ashamed about it will certainly keep him on right track.

beating self up
I mentioned to my son that each person is generally his/her own worst critic. I'm sure there is nothing anyone could say that would make him feel worse about the situation than what he has already said to himself. He needs to forgive himself and move forward.