text problems

Nothing, it is not your business.

So, my girlfriend, whom I share a home with and am planning a life with is getting a text like that and it's 'not my business?' ****, I thought this site was meant to help. Ok thanks, I'll just change everything up. Anyone have any real advice?

really?

why didn't you just ask her when she sobered up?

seriously.

tell her that you've been looking at her texts. watch what happens.

<blinks>

There's a strange text on your gf's phone, from some unknown number, and for all you know it's nobody your gf knows. A wrong number text. Why don't you ask her about it? Or if you don't want her to know you've been snooping on her phone, then you probably shouldn't say anything, and probably shouldn't assume the worst when there is a plausible platonic explanation.

Good call. Been burned before and it blows. Thanks!

I know, I know. Like I said, it was a month prior and wanted to assume it was nothing. But time weighs on you sometimes which is why I came here! Thanks.

Yes, you've got it. You don't own her, you don't have a right to violate her privacy while she is passed out, she is not your property or your child, you don't need to protect her from evil texters. If she wanted your advice on this text or had some concerns about it, she would have asked you. Why would you think it is ok to go through her stuff while she is out? Really?

I sure hope so.

Start by not getting into someone else's texts.

Ever been cheated on? I have. And she was swearing on the eyes of virtually everyone she apparently loved, as if swearing is anything but words, that she wasn't until caught...oh, not be me but one of HER friends. But, that's how I learned that swears, oaths and promises don't really mean dick if you are dealing with a dishonest person with deep rooted issues. So the current one? I looked at her text messages once. One time. And now wish I hadn't. I never said I 'owned" my girlfriend. Or that she needs protection. But, on the other hand, if I received a text like that it would have been erased and I would have told her about it. And there is that pesky fact that a majority of dishonest partners get outed by their "snooping" significant others every day through social media now. I trust her but decided to look once. And found that. And that's why I'm here. Thanks for your advice.

I had a girlfriend a few years ago who was cheating and her friends outed her to me when THEY were messing with her facebook page and saw a message from one of her exes. They liked and respected me and decided to tell me about it. What if I eventually married this person? The lies she tried to dance around when confronted made it so easy to move on. However, it still hurts and it's always in the back of your mind, even if the next one around seems perfect. That's why I looked. Once. One time. Not that I have to justify myself to strangers but whatever. Thanks for taking the time to try to help.

You know this is just an excuse to justify your actions to yourself, right? So she's not cheating now, but what about in the future? Guess you will need to check her phone on a regular basis. And when she starts a new job? Got to make sure those guys in the office aren't hitting on her. And after you have a fight? Maybe she's confiding in some guy.

You have a choice here. You can either say what the heck, even though I was done wrong by someone else, I am going to trust this woman or you can realize that this won't be a one time thing because since you were cheated on, you feel you have the right to violate someone's privacy whenever you need to handle some insecurity.

Well, those are the two options, huh. Or, the third: wait till the sex completely stops, gets boring or until she yells someone else's name and just part ways like the mature adults we should both be!

That's not the same as you proactively and deliberately snooping into this other woman's phone, and you know it.

What the facebook thing? Yeah, I do know that. In typing that I kind of figured that out. It's not a justification, at all. Her last boyfriend cheated on her too. He also beat up a couple people, drunkenly of course, who were looking at her. The guy before that? Lied about a heroin addiction, real winner. I looked at her texts. Once. But crucify away, Jespy, I was just asking for advice. ADVICE or maybe what others would do (maybe not you perfect people) if they stumbled into something like this. But you make it sound as if I waited for her to be passed out. Nope. Not true. At all. We were both buzzed, she fell asleep and her phone buzzed at 3:00 in the morning so I looked at it. That's how it happened. But I suppose most of you wouldn't know about making a little mistake, especially those who immediately jump to a conclusion.

You asked for advice. Here it is: Admit to yourself you were wrong, stop making excuses about it, forget about the text you saw, never do it again, trust your girlfriend and if it leads to heartbreak, move on and trust the next one. The one that justifies your trust is the right one. You seem very worried about being burned again. You know what is worse than being played for a fool? Finding Ms. Right and losing her because of lack of trust. You need to play to win, not play not to lose.

if you are truly unable to trust another woman as a result of your past experience, you may need to consider some professional assistance

maybe you do need to talk to your current girlfriend - let her know about your insecurities and inability to trust

I feel badly for both of you. It's hard to be in a relationship when there is no trust.

I dig it. Thank you!

Don't feel bad, she is awesome, we are happy, this one little thing is a bump in the road. That last one sent me to talk to someone and, for the most part, it worked. But, sometimes you drink a little bit, you hear her phone go off in the middle of the night and it's "who is texting her at 3 am?" you know? Then I saw that one and it sent me here and, for the most part, the advice is positive.

This deserves the Best Answer Ribbon.