I'm living with a widower

Two years is a fairly short period of time to get over a death. He's likely still in the very early stages of recovery.

This seems to be a matter of minimizing the lesser of the evils, perhaps. You're not a therapist so stop taking on the role. Perhaps you could 'strongly suggest' grief therapy. Perhaps help him with researching an appropriate grief counseling group or counselor.

In every grieving situation is different timing when someone is 'ready' but typically after 2 years, people who are grieving should be closer to moving on than he is. Certainly removing her clothes was a must...and that should have happened quite a while ago.

I've heard various time frames and it's so individual. But this relationship seems not ready for prime time - just judging from your talking about your feelings.

However, I'm unclear as to when he moved in with you? Or was it vice versa? I'm also unclear why you moved in when he has maintained this shrine with you there as his live-in partner?

You've sacrificed enough. I'm loathe personally to hand out ultimatums but unless he goes to grief counseling, there is no realistic basis for you to be in the relationship. Where is the fulfillment for you?

Your wishes and needs count, too. At this point, he should've moved on and accepted his new status. You're indulging and enabling him. There'll be no future happiness as long as this continues the way the relationship has.

Stop enabling this situation...and stand up for what is fair for you, too.

Good luck.

I'm a widow, and lost my husband 5 years ago. This is the first year I have been able to function 'normally'...again. Grief is complicated, and painful. I notice and experienced that those around a grieving person want to help and make things better. They can't. Those around a grieving person are very uncomfortable with 'raw' grief and expression of loss. Some grief counselling might be a good idea, but only if he wants to go to grief counselling.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but he's not going to wake up and things will be different one morning. You may be stuck in a negative enabling cycle. You know you are able to receive counselling as well for some guidance on the dynamic you have with him.