How do you live with yourself

I am assuming what you're saying is your family is reliant on you because you currently don't have a job.

Well, it seems like they're kind of dependent, anyway. Your mother's role as your grandfather's primary caregiver is not an easy one, either emotionally or physically. Have a little sympathy for her - it's hard to watch our loved ones deteriorate.

And maybe lay off calling your grandfather a sentimental old fool. Even if he is one. Because one day, if you're fortunate, you'll get to be his age, and you'll be dependent on people and you might find yourself recollecting the past a lot, and in a way that's oh so boring to the younger generations. But it's your glory days and you remember them fondly. Days when you were young, carefree, and pain-free.

You're an adult. Please either find work for yourself and a damned fine excuse for not helping out, or leave and be done with it and cut your family out of your life, or suck it up and help out. Seek counseling if you feel it'll help but do try to do some growing up. Because from here, you're sounding an awful lot like a whiny teenager.

I live with myself by drinking enough to forget what kind of person I am

I never get into an argument with myself because I never bloody stop . Apart from that, I find it helps if you take off all your clothes and stand on the roof .

I think you should do what's best for you while considering the needs of your loved ones. Moving away on your own sounds okay to me. You can still keep in touch, answer their calls and visit or help out when you can. Believe me, I know that confusing and guilty feeling.

Best of luck

At your ages, yes, you should be on your own.

If living with your mother and grandfather is too stressful for you, then by all means, get your own place and your own life.

But try to be a little compassionate for the situation. It's hard taking care of an elderly parent. Your mother has put her life on "hold" while she does this.

Help out as you can. Either send money or be with your grandfather for a few hours a week so your mother can have some respite time.

What does your partner say about all this?