Why have children?

One of the rewards of life on this planet is to have children to care for and nurture. It's one of those experiences on this planet that provides people with challenges to life. Our only disappointment for us was that we never had a daughter to raise; it would have provided us with different challenges as parents over raising two boys. But no regrets.

I guess what I was trying to get at is: I have no doubt that raising kids is rewarding. My question is: these kids will have to endure pain and suffering at some point in their life, and eventual decay and death.

How does one, in good conscience, choose to create new beings into this state of affairs?

If we have birth, we have death. That's the natural progression of ever having lived. It's true that the majority born onto this planet endure pain and suffering, but many do not. Those of us lucky enough to be born in developed countries have great advantage, because of our opportunity to live comparatively comfortable lives. To have life is not our choice; it's the result of all of our ancestors. Animals and humans propagate (even plants); that's nature.

I have a six month old. I never lived fully until I had him.

But I do hear what your saying about subjecting him to pain - but I see that pain - and the responsibility that I endure to make him a happy person (or atleast give him everything I have to make him so) the pains are far outweighed by the 'pleasure' (in a non eros way).

I think so many people are focused on evil and pain that that is all they see. I see love and light and it is all I see - when I am doing things 'properly'.

But I am priveledged like CI said - I shoudl live more to share that priveledge.

TF

tcis - I understand what you're saying. Even as a teen i never wanted to have kids because of the horrors of the world, the (at the time) nuclear threat (I guess it's still there...), over-population and the agony of starvation everywhere. That's how I thought then. Now I fear the thought of raising a child with my family's history of heart disease and stroke and depression, with terrorism, with over-population (still), etc. I just don't want to create someone I would inevitably love so deeply to that stuff.

I also understand the other side of the coin (not from experience) the "not fully living" concept that thinkfactory raises (and Cic, too). I think you miss a huge portion of growth when you don't have kids. You just don't see things the same way as a person who has taught every bit of knowledge to a new mind.

There's a theory that there are some people in the worlds who are designed to be the aunts and uncles of the young. People who don't desire to have kids. The caretakers. Wolf-packs and lion prides have them. I think primate groups have them as well.

It's a topic of interest to me.

Babies make the world go 'round:

Sprogopolis: Baby-Powered City of the Future

hahaha!

Three words: walking punching bag.

Well, that's a tough one. Maybe some of us have kids out of selfishness. We know their lives will not be perfect, but we know there are also a lot of wonderful aspects to being alive. I would rather live and suffer than never to have lived at all; not that I'd know what I was missing!
On the other hand, each new generation helps alleviate some of the suffering life has to offer.
On the other hand, they also create new ways of suffering (environmental, etc)!
Even in nature, and in the animal kingdom, there is suffering and there is cruelty. It seems to be the way life is supposed to be.
Kids are wonderful; they help alleviate a lot of suffering just for being children.
The human race should not simply end because it would be "easier" or less painful, see?

we have children out of a desire to interact with infinity, and in order to clone ourselves, legally.
They are us, and we, them (perhaps bearing that in mind might improve some family relationships).

We are eternal optimists who think that we can protect our own children from suffering and that they will grow up to be happy productive individuals whose joys far exceed their sorrows. And of course having children is the only way to ever have grandchildren.

But mostly it's a very compelling biological drive that makes us desire children without regard for the consequences. I'm not talking about the desire for sex, but a separate maternal instinct that hit me hard in my mid-twenties. My husband did not seem to have the same drive, but eventually agreed to two children. They turned out very well and have not suffered unduly from our decision.

The simple answer is to preserve the species.

Slappy:

Perhaps the most sick thing I have heard in a while.

Rest:

I think the pessimism and fear in our nature is a cultivated thing. Every person I meet is a defeatest - If you tell them you are moving to Michigan - they will respond that you will hate the snow - if you tell them you are moving to Miami - they will tell you you will hate the heat - and the Cubans.

I think pain is a percieved and thus changeable thing. I think we fear in America because fear sells goods and fear gets us off. Take a look at all the Fear Factor style shows on TV.

I do not see all that much pain and suffering in the world - in comparison to the joy and glee.

Sure 18,000 die every day due to starvation - but how many live - and how many are happy.

I think digging yourself out of the percieved pain to sure happiness is the point of this whole thing.

Sharing that with a child is part of the journey.

TF

Even if you are a "religous family," isn't there a chance your child will choose wrong and go to the bad place?

how can you not, you who have had the gift of life, if life is so miserable for you its because you make it.and isn't that the beauty in life that everyone gets to think for him or herself and make the right or wrong decisions, in the end are we not all alone. i have a very tricky qyes. for you and to me anyways i have come up with the only ans. that makes sense to me.
why do people suffer, why are there people starving out there, born with disabilities, etc. think about it and get back to me.

Well, a topic in the minds of many people. Why have children indeed? Well, the answers posted here range from heartwarming to disturbing to very bleak indeed.

I can't give any testimony to the merits of parenthood in a subjective sense as I am yet to be blessed in that area (if it happens at all). But I would like to give a couple of arguments from a purely observational stance.

Firstly, you ask what it is that makes having children worth the pain they will suffer. Well, what's the alternative? The extinction of the species? You have to ask yourself the question, is our species worth sustaining? Personally I think it is. Granted we are heavily flawed. We are also, however, unique in all the universe (or so I would suppose ). Are the merits of our species and the legacy we would pass on worth the trials one must face to live a human life? There are many things worth suffering for, I think our future is one of them.

Secondly, why do we have children? That is, why does one person (or rather two ) choose to be the one to bring a child into the world. True there is the biological drive, a strong factor, yet reasoning people are able to deny such urges when they find them inappropriate. You could say preservation of one's own genetic code. People have a tendency to contemplate their own mortality, reproduction allows a part of you to continue in the living world long after your own demise. Call it a search for immortality.

Anyway, I don't know if this has helped you find a satisfactory answer. All I know for sure is that babies are absolutely adorable and I hope like hell that when and if I have one I'll be able to load the scales of it's life with more joy than sorrow.

If the world is such a place that having children is thought of in terms of "why bother because they'll suffer" then why not ask "Why do we (those of us already here) continue living?".

If we know our children will suffer, die, etc then we certianly know that we will also suffer and die ourselves right? Why would we knowingly put ourselves in that situation? Yet we're not all killing ourselves...

With all due respect, in that case you are blind. Sorry, I really don't want to offend you with that, but if you actually think that there's more joy then suffering in the world then I really don't know on what planet you live (and is there more space there?).



You have huge problem in calculation:
a) 18,000 NEW people die every day due to starvation - those that live are same every day (because it would be pointless to count newborns cause they don't have developed sense about living in this world) - some are happy as well, I admit.

b) starvation is just one cause of death, not nearly a major one - thousands and thousands of people are dying every day from thousands and thousands of different reasons.

c) those that haven't died on that particular "day" or haven't lost someone dear are not happy - some of them are, most of them are not (that doesn't mean they are desperate and deeply sad and depressed, but you definitely can't put most of the people in the "happy group").




Actually, it seems you know that as well.

I am not saying that you are crazy if you are happy. I am just saying that it's far from truth to have a thought that there is more joy and glee on the world then suffering and pain. Or that there are more happy people on planet. First of all, vast majority of humans will never be fully and deeply happy (in a way some animals or children can be) because they are aware of their mortality. And even with those people that really have no fear of death you will quite often hear that they are afraid that they will die slowly and painfully. We know and we think too much about fact that we are not immortal.

However, considering major subject of this thread, I agree with every single word in fishin's post. This is excellent point.

Please refer to paragraph 3 of my last post.