Girlfriend can't climax

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I've been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years, and she has a problem climaxing through any sexual stimulation. She's 20 years old and in good health. And were both very attracted to each other. We've had very good sex before and she will say she's completely satisfied and there's been times where her thighs are still shaking afterwards and a few times she has actually started crying because of how strong her emotions are after we get done. A lot of times she's still moaning afterwards and will lay on me and go straight to sleep... She says she doesn't know why she can't climax, but I really enjoy making her feel good and it makes me question myself or what I need to do to bring her ultimate pleasure. There are some obstacles, however. She doesn't like her clit touched or stimulated at all. I have varied between tempos, how lightly and hard I touch it, I have tried to indirectly stimulate it through grinding and other stuff, but she just doesn't like it. I've even read plenty on everything I can to make her enjoy it but to no avail... I've even tried toys, but she says she doesn't toys, even though I've used a couple on her and she seemed to enjoy it at the time. She doesn't even masturbate either, and said she just doesn't like to do it. So I question how she knows what she likes. Also, when I finger her, I stimulate her g-spot and it drives her wild once we get into it, but she WILL NOT let me bring her to climax through this. She goes wild and pushes me off with her legs and does EVERYTHING she can to stop me. I tried explaining that the peeing sensation is normal for girls, but she just can't, under any circumstances, allow me to bring her to climax. Does anyone else have experience with this? What should I do?

I should also mention that she did experience some sexual abuse as a child. She told me it lasted probably 5 years and it was an older cousin. He didn't penetrate her from what I'm told, but he rubbed his penis on her and would ejaculate on her and rub it in... She doesn't ever say anything about it though or act like it affects her. She's even talked to and been on good terms with the cousin that had done that... But could this be something that's subconsciously affecting her? I just really want to understand how she feels and thinks.

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[+3] - Pearlylustre - 12/15/2014Relax and let her enjoy what she enjoys. When you take the pressure off she may surprise you.

How do you know she is not climaxing?

1 Reply

@James55,

What should you do? Suggest that she get counseling, and support her if she decides to (don't push it).

Why? Because she's got unresolved issues from the abuse.

1 Reply

@James55,

Is she wearing the correct type of mountain boots?

My first climax was Ben Nevis, and I'm sure it was all down to the correct footwear.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

I'm not 100% certain she hasn't, but other girls I have made climax seem to experience a sudden rush that I don't think she's experienced. Also, since she doesn't like her clit being stimulated, I would have to make her climax through G-spot stimulation and I haven't felt her vagina contract and gush like I have with other girls.

0 Replies

@jespah,

I've tried making the suggestion before, but as you said, I don't want to push it at all. It's not something she's interesting in trying.

However, I'm interested in how victims of sexual abuse see their abuser. She actually still sees the cousin who abused her for so long and still talks to him like nothing ever happened. I'm not criticizing her at all for this and I haven't mentioned it to her. I'm just wondering how someone can continue a normal relationship with someone who has done these things to them? I just want to understand from her perspective

1 Reply

@James55,

Can you accept your girlfriend where she is?

Every relationship is different and every relationship needs to work on its own terms. Sexual abuse is a very difficult challenge. But, any two people in a relationship need to work things out on their own terms.

The sexual abuse is her past and you need to let her work it out on her terms. You should listen to her and take her lead on how to deal with this. You are her boyfriend and you can have a role in supporting her. But, the decision on how to deal with it is her decision. You can't act like her therapist (that isn't your role).

The important thing is you relationship. Are things working in your relationship?

If she loves you and you love her does any thing else matter? If you are satisfied sexually and her needs are being met, what difference does it make if she can't climax? It is her body we are talking about, and her past... if the relationship is working for both of you is there a problem?

0 Replies

Most women don't get the whole way until they're into their thirties.

It has been told that, when the gods separated the original hermaphrodites to create men and women, they divided sexual pleasure unevenly: one measure for men, nine measures for women.

0 Replies

@James55,

Relax and let her enjoy what she enjoys. When you take the pressure off she may surprise you.

1 Reply

@James55,

James55 wrote:

She goes wild and pushes me off with her legs and does EVERYTHING she can to stop me.

What should I do?

I just really want to understand how she feels and thinks.

1. what should you do? respect her limits

2. you can't get inside her head. you can work on learning to be comfortable with her limits.

Work on being her friend. That's your first job. Friends encourage friends and encourage friends. They don't pressure them and don't push them to do things they really don't want to/aren't ready to.

0 Replies

Find another girlfriend.

Seriously, do not try it with her, it is in vain.

She knows that she is not feeling anything, and worst, she felt "used" by you.

My guess is a dualist conclusion: or she have some problems with her thyroids or she is ASEXUAL.

It can be a combination of both.

Sorry to tell you this, but there is "no cure" for this condition.

The problem can be the thyroids causing a change of reaction when women are close to get the climax into madness and rejection. It is something like the nerve route of the sexual climax suffers a detour when passing thru the neck and changes lines to the sensation of disgust when reaches the brain.

For this reason, she will hit you, she will hate you right after you finish having sex with her. She feels that she has been "used" by you.

This has nothing to do with how much she loves you, because this is not controlled by her feelings but is neurological stuff.

Same as well, when an individual is asexual, it means that "the bar is closed". She might enjoy your company, your kisses, having someone and feel the warmth of the other person, but her sexual parts are "dead" as to feel pleasure. You might be enjoying the best in the intercourse, and she can be watching TV, reading a book while you are in the most exciting moment.

You and her might end unhappy.

The best is to recognize that the problem exists and that no doctor or psychologist will be able to help you.

If you agree with her condition and both of you make a contract to stick together, and she agrees to fake pleasure and you to hold her hits and aggressive reactions from time to time, then you might be able to have even children.

But, don't waste your life trying to make her reach the climax, such won't happen.

By the way, there are millions of women in the world with similar condition, and they fake very well feeling pleasure.

1 Reply

@Pearlylustre,

I don't mean for it to sound like I pressure her. I have only brought it up a couple times in the distant past because I want to make sure it's not because I'm not doing something right. But we've had plenty of times where we are just completely lost in the moment and are all over each other and really making as passionate love as you can make. Full on love making... I just hate to think maybe I'm not doing enough sometimes, but I don't ever want to make her feel pressured or say anything to take her out of the moment when we do have sex.

0 Replies

@carloslebaron,

How would I know for certain if it's a thyroid problem. What made you come to that conclusion?

Also, most of the time she is all over me after we get done. She wants me to hold her as tight as I can and wants to feel extremely close to me afterwards... That's the opposite of what I gathered from your post.

I do appreciate your input

2 Replies

@James55,

Read your own FIRST message.

Quote:

I've been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years, and she has a problem climaxing through any sexual stimulation.

No climax thru ANY sexual stimulation

Quote:

She's 20 years old and in good health. And were both very attracted to each other. We've had very good sex before and she will say she's completely satisfied and there's been times where her thighs are still shaking afterwards and a few times she has actually started crying because of how strong her emotions are after we get done.

Faking? Cries after sex appears disappointment rather than happiness after climax.

Quote:

A lot of times she's still moaning afterwards and will lay on me and go straight to sleep... She says she doesn't know why she can't climax, but I really enjoy making her feel good and it makes me question myself or what I need to do to bring her ultimate pleasure.

Nothing you can do. It's not you, it's her.

Quote:

There are some obstacles, however. She doesn't like her clit touched or stimulated at all. I have varied between tempos, how lightly and hard I touch it, I have tried to indirectly stimulate it through grinding and other stuff, but she just doesn't like it.

More than feeling nothing, she will reject it.

Quote:

I've even read plenty on everything I can to make her enjoy it but to no avail... I've even tried toys, but she says she doesn't toys, even though I've used a couple on her and she seemed to enjoy it at the time. She doesn't even masturbate either, and said she just doesn't like to do it. So I question how she knows what she likes. Also, when I finger her, I stimulate her g-spot and it drives her wild once we get into it, but she WILL NOT let me bring her to climax through this. She goes wild and pushes me off with her legs and does EVERYTHING she can to stop me.

I told you, she will reject it.

Quote:

I tried explaining that the peeing sensation is normal for girls, but she just can't, under any circumstances, allow me to bring her to climax.

This is because she doesn't feel pleasure when it reaches climax but a sensation of disgust, of undesirable pain or discomfort. The nerve wiring has been interfered by the Thyroids. As I explained you before, the sensation from the clitoris travels thru the nerves, and there is a "detour" caused by the Thyroids (perhaps other glandes, perhaps a surgery caused it) that will move the pleasure path into the path of rejection because discomfort.

She is trying to avoid climax because rather than feeling well it hurts her.

By reaction, her brain tries to close the door of sensation, she might feel attraction to you, she might love you the most, but her body nerve wiring has been compromised and neither you or her can fix that with finger playing, toys, porno movies, whatever you try won't work.

This is a weird behavior I have observed mostly with women having Thyroid problems. Notice that surgery -like ovary removal, former Cesarean surgery, and similar-, might cause the blocking of sexual pleasure in a woman.

From now on, this condition in women will be called the "CarlosLeBaron Syndrome", where women who not only become asexual but will also feel rejection to sexual intercourse plus the feeling of "being used" by the sexual partner in several cases.

Search online, and you will read about lots of women who felt "used" when having sex. A review on their stories will show you that they have some problems with Thyroids.

1 Reply

@carloslebaron,

I'm intrigued by what you're saying, and I came across an article a while back that spoke about thyroid issues affecting sex, however, how would you explain her actions after we get done with sex? Once we get done, she always wants me to hold her tight and be as close as possible to her... Wouldn't she behave in the opposite way if she had this disorder? I'm sincerely wondering. Do other women with this disorder behave in that way?

1 Reply

@Lordyaswas,

you raise an excellent point

if this advice doesn't help, you might want to face the fact that she might be anticlimactic

1 Reply

@djjd62,

Or wears the wrong boots.

0 Replies

@James55,

Olivier may well be right on this, or at least as it was in my life on earth, that many women took a while, if ever, to come (my choice re word spelling) with vaginal intercourse. I know I've read stats agreeing with that.

I can infer many reasons why, sometimes a complex matter and sometimes a lousy partner, but maybe neither, some kind of maturation going on.

Me? first time it happened was with the most entirely wrong man.
This gives me a wry viewpoint.

Girlfriend can't climax

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