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Firsttime Poster Needs Help with Paragraph

 
 
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2014 09:13 am
This is the beginning of my paragraph: "I was the kid who thought his chances of becoming a marine biologist were somehow aided by family trips to the beach and studying books."

My first question: Should it be "were" or "would be?" I'm leaning towards "would be."

I want the next sentence to be something like this: "I don't think they were" or "I doubt very much that/if they were"

Or: "If they were, they obviously weren't by much."

But all of those options are obviously very clunky and sound horrible.

The last sentence should be something along the lines of: "But I nonetheless/nevertheless/synonym still have all that information in my head."

I feel like the "nevertheless" spot might be out of place or used wrong or something?

Thank you. I wanted this to be 1 post because I know ahead of time I'd just have another question afterwards. Thank you.
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dalehileman
 
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Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2014 05:39 pm
@ZachBoyer,
In this particular case Zach I'd agree; since "were" might conflict with its use in the following sentence

Quote:
But all of those options are obviously very clunky
You might say instead, "But I was wrong"

Quote:
I feel like the "nevertheless" spot might be out of place or used wrong or something?
Try: "Still I have all…." or "Yet I retain all that extraneous knowledge"

But I'd agree that "yet" or "nevertheless" is somehow off the mark. One's immediate reaction: Well, why not; we'd suppose trips to the beach and the reading of books might indeed be of help in your future
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DNA Thumbs drive
 
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Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2014 05:45 pm
@ZachBoyer,
would have been, would fit better
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