is this weird relationship behavior? opinions needed

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've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and just to be clear I don't expect him to be like a man from a fairytale, but there are some things in our relationship that makes my best friend cringe. He has never told me I was attractive, he's never gone farther than a kiss with me, and we don't ever talk about the future. First, he's 30 and I'm 22. Two, I feel like we are just moving slow and I'm perfectly okay with that. My best friend/cousin seems to think that something is wrong with our relationship or him. The three things I stated above really bother her and I'm not sure why. I know my cousin and boyfriend aren't the ones in a relationship , so it doesn't matter, but do any of those things seem weird or abnormal in your opinion

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 709 • Replies: 13

@clancaster154,

This could be the behaviors of a guy who's a virgin, or who thinks you're out of his league, or has gotten out of a bad relationship. Or he could be questioning his sexuality. Or something else.

Why not take the initiative if you want it to go further physically? Or talk - e. g. have a talk about birth control.

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@jespah,

@clancaster154,
I asked him if he was a virgin recently and he said no that he had been,with 1 girl. I don't necessarily want sex because I'm looking for long term someone to spend forever with. But we don't even make out or do anything sexual. I'm not sure what is going on. His step sister told me he's had only one serious girlfriend and she turned out to be a lesbian.. Also, we had a talk about attachment the other day and he said that being attaches before a year is crazy. I spend everyday with him (we work together) and I'm attached. Is it bad to be attached now or is he the weird one? Lol

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@clancaster154,

He's not planning on becoming attached till a year has passed? First, the boy is weird as snake suspenders. Second, he is seriously over optimistic if he thinks anyone is going to tolerate this standard. Third, if he hasn't formed any kind of attachment by now, what on earth is he still hanging around for?

Really, pat him on the head and tell him you sincerely enjoy working with him. During working hours.

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@clancaster154,

The words "weird" and "abnormal" don't have any meaning in a relationship. Every relationship is different. There is no normal (and if there were, it would be a boring thing to be anyway).

The real question is whether the relationship is working or not. Is the relationship good for you? Hopefully you can communicate with your boyfriend openly about your needs and your expectations for the future. You should talk openly about what you need, and you should expect him to be open about what he wants.

If this relationship is making you happy, then tell your friend./cousin to butt out.

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@clancaster154,

I'd start by not telling your cousin/best friend the details of your relationship with your boyfriend. They are none of her business.

If you are not happy with the relationship as it stands - talk to your boyfriend - not to your cousin - not to us.

If you're comfortable with how things are, then it's fine.

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@clancaster154,

clancaster154 wrote:

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now

<snip>

we don't ever talk about the future.

three months seems soon to be discussing the future to me, but if you know already you want to have a future with your boyfriend, you need to talk to him about that

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@roger,

Unless he finds someone who has those standards too.

There are plenty of people who a conservative when it comes to such matters.

Agreeing that it's none of your cousins or friends business what you and he do or don't do physically.

Was the OP feeling ok about all this until those people imposed their beliefs on her, telling her what is normal and what isn't?

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@clancaster154,

I think things are going fine. He goes out of his way to make me happy, he's almost perfect. He remembers little things. I guess my friends have crazy relationship expectations and they are always asking questions. By asking about this I was wanting to get opinions on his behavior. It just seems a little odd. I know he's shy though. I've never been with someone who never complemented me or tried making moves on me. Its New to me lol

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@clancaster154,

I have thought things were great since day one. We are best friends and a couple and I think we have something amazing. My cousin just has made me iffy about things.

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@clancaster154,

Well then, forget your cousin.

You're happy, he's happy, that's ALL that counts.

I think this is a lesson on your relationship with your cousin.

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@clancaster154,

She says she means well and is just worried, but Idk.

1 Reply

@clancaster154,

You need to talk to this fella more and less with your cousin.

To me it seems odd that he hasn't made romantic gestures to you. You need to ask him about this. ("Is there a spark between us, or are you just looking for a friend?")

There's nothing wrong with taking things "slow" but at least he could verbalize an attraction to you. In fact, you could say something like, "Do you like my hair up or down"? See what his reaction is. See if he even notices!

Really think about going further with this guy. If he is this shut-off verbally and physically, then what is he going to be like in the future? There's a reason why he's 30 and not yet in a relationship. These type of men drive their wives nuts.

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@clancaster154,

Quote:

but there are some things in our relationship that makes my best friend cringe

Why do you care what makes her cringe? The bottom line is simple. If you are happy with the way the relationship is developing, then great. Based on your post, you seem to be happy with how things are going.

But if not, then talk to him about it. Not to your cousin.

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is this weird relationship behavior? opinions needed

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