Why my boyfriend keeps threatening to leave me?

I feel for you. This has finally come to a head and you stated your limits. You're setting the stage for how your children look at relationships. You have moved out of one long-term abusive relationship to one that is a bit less abusive but still abusive and controlling. You already know what is best for you and family.


What to do? I believe you have stated what you want to happen (to be rid of the constant threats). Stick by your guns.

I think this guy needs his own place and you need to go back to a place where your children are safe (emotionally as well as physically). I feel for your 13 year old daughter. That is a tough age to not have a good support system at home.

I definitely agree... I really think this dude needs his own place.

You know. He should never have moved in after only dating you and become exclusive after 16 weeks. I assume he is of simular age. You two never got the chance to date and have fun, this should go on for months before moving in together. Instead you got into a marriage.

The thing is, you can and have seen that it isn't working out as a "family" situation and so it won't.

Your kids are your life, I'm sorry of your past. But always put them first, they deserve love in a family and some guy that's been around for less than a year controlling the house is not providing that love.

As others have said stick to your guns.

Date, and date a long time... If I was to be able to give you future advice? Date and date a long time. Keep your home and family to yourself until you know 100% that from outings with the children and you as a "family" it could become a family before allowing someone to move in with you.

Be strong...

Even if you two got on "ok" if he moved out. You already know he can never move in again. So he's not the right guy for you and your family.

This guy has learned that by threatening something (and obviously not following through) gets him what he wants.

Next time he threatens to leave, just say "All right." and see what happens.

At times people say things in the heat of the moment. However, since he does this all the time, he's just using this as a tool.

Personally, I'd tell him that's an excellent idea, put all his stuff outside the house, and change the locks.

Sounds good to me. I hardly ever respond to threats, and a bluff not called isn't worth having.

"What do I do"?

TELL him to leave. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong man.

You can see him when he gets his own apartment. Take the time to get to know him.

He's NOT dad material right now, especially to an 11 and 13 year old, but then again, that's a difficult age for another adult to step in and start parenting.

If YOU want to keep this relationship in tact, then get him out of your home. Then you two can work things out. You moved WAY too fast for him and the kids.

As everyone agrees here, I just want to reinforce what they were saying:
your boyfriend is passive-aggressive abusive . That's a major red flag and
it's best you get him out of your house as soon as possible before he is an even higher threat to your 13 year old daughter.

Your kids should be your main focus, especially when they have witnessed their mother being in a 20 year long abusive relationship. Don't repeat that and don't teach them that it is okay to be treated in that manner.

It never is!