what have i been doing wrong?

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I have 3 separate questions. So i will try to keep this as brief as possible.

Q#1. My first boyfriend and i dated for two years. The biggest mistake was that we didn't start off as friends first. I was the one who was always calling and texting him. I even gave him his space. I always did nice things for him. Bought him roses and other things. We never went on normal dates. Basically, we never did anything publicly. He basically talked to me when he wanted too. And when i would see him, it would only be for the sex. Then him and my sister started going at it. So, i left him and refused him when he tried coming back. What did i do wrong? Why did he treat me like that?

Q#2. My second boyfriend was a great guy. We did fun things together, i really liked him a lot. When my first ex found out i was dating someone else. He emailed the guy i was seeing and told him i was cheating on him. That one little lie destroyed our relationship and now he treats me like i am the bad guy. It seemed like no matter how hard i tried to mend things, it only made things worse. What did i do wrong? Why didn't he believe me?

Q#3. There was this guy i used to work with at my job and he claims he likes me too. Well, there was another girl at work who liked him too. Everytime him and i spent time together, she knew about it. She would make life miserable for me. I knew he was texting her too. So, i was pretty suspcious about that. The last time i saw him, we kissed. I even ran after him as he was walking away. I was hurt when he walked away. I just got that feeling that he didn't love me the way i thought he did. What have i been doing wrong? I want to forget men all together, but i feel i am being stalked half the time. I would like some input please. Thanks!

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[+3] - CalamityJane - 10/19/2014What did you do wrong? I tell you: in all three cases you let the guys treat you like a doormat. You ran after them and you made yourself available, not only that you let them mistreat you....

@christiemarie86,

What did you do wrong? I tell you: in all three cases you let the guys treat you like a doormat. You ran after them and you made yourself available, not only that you let them mistreat you.

First thing you should do - get some self worth! There is no need to run after boys and do everything they want you to do in order to be liked. Actually, that's the kiss of death for sure. No one wants a doormat!

Since you have a pattern of always getting into the same situation where you pursue a relationship and make yourself available to a point of annoyance,
I'd suggest you seek some counseling to break the pattern and learn some techniques to increase your self worth and gain confidence.

You need to work on yourself first before you get someone else into the
equation. Believe me, you'll be a better person for it and you won't take crap from anyone - and you shouldn't!

Good luck!

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@christiemarie86,

christiemarie86 wrote:

I have 3 separate questions. So i will try to keep this as brief as possible.

Q#1. My first boyfriend and i dated for two years. The biggest mistake was that we didn't start off as friends first. I was the one who was always calling and texting him. I even gave him his space. I always did nice things for him. Bought him roses and other things. We never went on normal dates. Basically, we never did anything publicly. He basically talked to me when he wanted too. And when i would see him, it would only be for the sex. Then him and my sister started going at it. So, i left him and refused him when he tried coming back. What did i do wrong? Why did he treat me like that?

My advice on the first question is that you might have put in too much too soon. There is nothing wrong with withholding sex even if you really like the guy. Sometimes your emotions can get the better of you and you start to spoil the guy before he really deserves the spoilage. What I do is wait for them to spoil me and just return the favor. If he isn't spoiling me then I'm not going to do it in return, he hasn't earned it. Doesn't matter if I am really into him or not. I get them to chase after me, instead of chasing after them.

christiemarie86 wrote:

Q#2. My second boyfriend was a great guy. We did fun things together, i really liked him a lot. When my first ex found out i was dating someone else. He emailed the guy i was seeing and told him i was cheating on him. That one little lie destroyed our relationship and now he treats me like i am the bad guy. It seemed like no matter how hard i tried to mend things, it only made things worse. What did i do wrong? Why didn't he believe me?

How did your other guy know who the second guy was? How was there an exchange possible? If they knew each other then it is difficult for something like that to not happen. All I can really say to this is, know that you didn't do anything wrong, you weren't cheating but if he doesn't want to believe that then let it be. You can't fight something if they are not willing to trust or believe you. You are better off even though it does hurt. If a guy is willing to listen to someone else tell them lies and not actually get your side of the story then you are really better off without him.

christiemarie86 wrote:

Q#3. There was this guy i used to work with at my job and he claims he likes me too. Well, there was another girl at work who liked him too. Everytime him and i spent time together, she knew about it. She would make life miserable for me. I knew he was texting her too. So, i was pretty suspcious about that. The last time i saw him, we kissed. I even ran after him as he was walking away. I was hurt when he walked away. I just got that feeling that he didn't love me the way i thought he did. What have i been doing wrong? I want to forget men all together, but i feel i am being stalked half the time. I would like some input please. Thanks!

This situation is a really bad one. He is going to play you between the other girl. He is probably aware that both of you are interested in him. Be careful with this one. In fact I would just clean your hands of this if it were me, sounds like a heart ache just waiting to happen. Pull back, you can continue to see him just make sure you hold onto your feelings and do not get attached until you are certain that he isn't chasing the other girl too.

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The theme of course is that you keep becoming fixated on guys who just are not that into you. Why? Hard to say....... lack of self esteem, you have social IQ problems you were abused growing up are the three most likely suspects, but there are many more.

You are the problem. The solution is for you to work on you.

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what have i been doing wrong?

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