Should I tell my friend?

Before you were willing to accept you did the wrong thing, you upped the ante by announcing your friend has a boyfriend. This was childish and self serving, so before you decide to lecture adults on whether or not they ever made a mistake, review your own behavior and own it. No more excuses.

I actually appreciate the advice. See how everybody else just said to mind my business? You decided to go overboard and call me jealous and needy and I have low self-esteem. Remember?I wasn't trying to be intimidating, I was trying to make my point. I am shy. What does that have to do with anything? Shy and standing up for myself and my friendship is two different things. I got the answer I needed, thank you. No need for the extra comments. I am my own person, who said I wasn't? Just to clarify, I didn't want to "spread gossip". If that was the cause, why would I come here and why did I state to tell her instead of telling others? That wouldn't make sense. But thanks anyways, I hope you don't think you're intimidating.

I actually appreciate the advice. See how everybody else just said to mind my business? You decided to go overboard and call me jealous and needy and I have low self-esteem. Remember?I wasn't trying to be intimidating, I was trying to make my point. I am shy. What does that have to do with anything? Shy and standing up for myself and my friendship is two different things. I got the answer I needed, thank you. No need for the extra comments. I am my own person, who said I wasn't? Just to clarify, I didn't want to "spread gossip". If that was the case, why would I come here and why did I state to tell her instead of telling others? That wouldn't make sense. But thanks anyways, I hope you don't think you're intimidating.

And for what you posted about me saying she has a boyfriend, you're 100% right. I was in a panic and didn't know what to do so i tried to provide every single detail and later realized it was irrelevant. I did sound childish and it was no need for that comment

Good God, how young are you. I wish you could have used your recent bravado by confronting the gossips. Telling your friend could make her second guess herself, plus make her unhappy. That means the gossip flingers and gossip apologists win. Don't let gossip go unchallenged when it's shared with you, and since you don't have many friends at this school, protect the reputation and peace of mind of the girl who has befriended you. This is a lesson you Ned to learn when you are young. Gossip is a form of bullying, don't give in to bullies. If you were only asking for advice, why did you need to point out she has a boyfriend (in all caps) after everyone told you to mind your own business? That tells me you are a tad enthralled with the notion some people want to sully the reputation of someone who has befriended you. Gossip can be hard to ignore, for some, the juicier the better. Try to avoid that briar patch.

If you were a little older and mature, you wouldn't think I'm trying to intimidate you, I've just lived longer than you and am crystal clear on the damage gossip can do. Your reaction to my remarks is very typical of today's 15 and 16 year olds. Give yourself time, you will grow up to be a more compassionate adult. Ask your mother what she thinks, I bet she'll tell you the other kids are being jerks and tell you exactly what all the other adults on this thread have told you.

I didn't see this before I posted my last remark. Your post indicates you are understanding what we are trying to tell you.

I came down on you hard after your previous answer, if I had seen this I would have given you a pass. Good luck, high school is rough, it gets better in college.

I understand clearly. The only problem I have is you going over board and calling me jealous and insecure and needy. You clearly stated previously how I will make my friend feel unhappy or something like that, how can you tell me that and you actually did something close to that? That's my only problem. I get the fact to mind my business. I didn't intend on spreading gossip and making her have a bad name or anything of that nature. I don't have much friends so I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing, not feed into the nonsense.

On the upside, gossiping usually lightens up once you get through high school.

Try to keep your head above the gossip. It's tough since it seems to be everywhere when you are in your teens.

I'm glad you've come by to update us on how you are doing with this.

I know. Thanks for commenting

I have to correct myself again, obviously I was mistaken because you still want to hand off blame to someone else. I also was a new kid in my sophomore class in high school, I was a fish out of water. Most of the time I was in observation mode, I saw a lot of behavior I thought was inappropriate. I just stayed away from it. Don't assume others have made the mistake you almost made , some of us have too much respect for ourselves and others even as a teen to engage in tearing down others reputations. Yeah, we all make mistakes, but I've never been a big fan of passing along rumors that have no merit. It seemed cowardly and mean when I was 15 and decades later I still feel it's cowardly and mean.

Youre not comprehending what I'm saying. I, DashDynamic, am WRONG. Nobody else fault. You're avoiding the fact that you're wrong for judging me. You don't know my story. May you tell me who else am I blaming? I stated in most of my previous replies that I was WRONG for not standing up for her. This is so simple. Who is there to "hand off" blame to? I haven't mentioned the guy who said it for awhile. I didn't blame my friend. I blamed MYSELF. DASHDYNAMIC IS WRONG. It is in all caps now so hopefully you can comprehend what I'm saying. No disrespect intended but dang. I literally just stated this.

DashDynamic, your posts make sense.

It looks like glitter is either misreading or misunderstanding something.

I was describing your behaviour, not you. There is a difference. You recognized you were on the verge of bad behaviour, you needed some advice on how to proceed. Every single response told you to stay out of it. Then you reminded everyone that she has a boyfriend (in all caps) and finally admitted that you shouldn't have because it was not relevant. That was smart of you, but you're still pissed because I called you on the potentially bad behaviour.

What would you have done if everyone told you to inform your friend of the gossip? That's my concern. But you didn't, so things didn't turn out toxic and I would like to think in fact I'm sure you would have decided against sharing mean gossip. I'm sorry if you think I was hard on you, but I can't apologize for your thin skin, just because your friend is happy and outgoing doesn't mean she couldn't have been mortified if you shared that gossip. Frankly, I was more concerned about her, and I'm relieved you listened to your better instincts. Obviously what I said hurt your feelings, now think about your friend, how hurt would her feelings be if you shared that mean gossip with her. Maybe I was too hard on you, but you were on verge of doing damage to someone who befriended you and seems to enjoy your company. So just be her friend and stop complaining about how mean some stranger was to you while you were deciding between hurting her feelings or joining in with the gossips.

Thank you. She must be. Now I know I'm not going crazy

First off, you didn't only describe my behavior. I'm not going to bother to quote it either. Obviously I would've followed it because I came here for advice. I never said it will be the right decision later on. I was focused on how one little thing can turn to something big. Today it can be she flirts a lot, the next week it can be she sleeps around a lot. If it came back and she knew that i knew about it and didnt warn her, how am i a friend? That was what i was focused on.You keep saying how everybody else said mind your business. I said that also but okay. But that is all everybody said. Once again, nobody was as extra as you. I can admit when I'm wrong. You honestly think all of those things you said were relevant? No they weren't. You must be misreading my posts and not comprehending them. You posted "Ditto" to Ragman. That was all that was relevant. You then decided to go further.

Get over it Dash, I was trying to help both of you, but your shy self can't understand that. If you didn't give in to the tiny gossips, GOOD for you. I'm still betting your mother, an aunt, a grandmother or much older sister would have told you the same thing. Thank God you didn't give in to the dark side, so she likes you, try to be a friend unless she does something truly awful, like "Dash, I don't know how to tell you this, but my friends tell me you are spreading rumours about me, I told them that can't be true, was I telling them the truth?" Put those shoes on and see how comfortable you find that.

As the saying goes u are who u keep company. Flirting is harmless, but reputation is every thing. If ya'll have a healthy friendship then u should speak up and tell her, but if yall just ok still getting to know each other then mind ur business and let it be.

Thank you. This is great. We do have a healthy relationship.

Dear Dash, please stop sending me insulting PM's. You are clogging up my inbox and I'm practically forced to read your tantrums. I've not opened the recent message, and I'm hoping you can control this bully behaviour. Make no mistake about it, the fact you send me pm after pm makes you a bully. You might as well quit, you have not an iota of influence in my life. I'll continue to move on, spending time with friends and family, enjoying my dogs and no matter how hard you stomp your feet, nothing unpleasant will happen to me. That's because I'm a retired grandmother and not a 15 year old insecure high school student.

So please, knock it off.

STOP MESSAGING ME! I HAVE PROOF YOU KEEP MESSAGING ME! GO SOMEWHERE! I WISH I KNEW HOW TO UPLOAD PICTURES HERE TO PROVE YOU BECAME MY FRIEND JUST TO HARASS ME. YOU SAID YOU WILL IGNORE ME, YOU SAID YOU WILL HAVE ME BANNED. DO IT AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. IM GLAD YOURE NOT MY GRANDMA. IT IS CREEPY. CALL BOB OR WHOEVER YOU SAID EARLIER. REPLY, INBOX ME, OR ANYTHING ELSE AGAIN IM GOING TO REPORT YOU FOR HARASSMENT. I KNOW YOU CANT COMPREHEND WELL, BUT GOODBYE. PEACE OUT. LATER. LEAVE ME ALONE