This man claims to love me , but I am quite confused?

I know what he means My father is British , and it just put a smile on my face.

I am simply made full with anger well he was very Huggy touchy feely, and oh how he had the fantasies of me, and how he loves me. Saying that he will always love me, be there for me, and then he writes this.

You have a couple of choices...

There is nothing wrong with telling him to buzz off (or whatever vulgar variant of buzz off you choose) and never talking to him again. He is ending the relationship, you have no obligation to him whatsoever.

There is also nothing wrong with deciding to stay friendly with him. I would recommend taking a time for yourself to get over the relationship... I wouldn't see him for a few months even if I planned to be friendly with him. You certainly want time for you to get over your feelings.

In either case, take care of yourself. Make sure you do what you need to move on.

I think he's giving you fair warning. He still enjoys you....but--he DOESN'T want closeness. Stop reading into it. Don't look at it as a challenge to prove to him how good you are together....it you take that gamble, be prepared to be disappointed....

I'm sorry, were we conversing?


I was merely cheering up the young lady and keeping her feet firmly on the ground with a bit of light relief.

I will hereby guarantee that a 20 year old, bright, intelligent woman (which she obviously is) will definitely find at least two, possibly three major loves in her life before she gets old and wrinkled like the rest of us.

To have her sobbing through this thread and wondering whether life is worth it is a great waste of youth, so my aim was to try and keep her sense of perspective in all of this.

She knows that she is going to have a whale of a time over the next decade if she accentuates the positive, and can do all the worry stuff when she starts with the google searches for anti-ageing creams.


Go out and grab life, Tsuki. It's far too short for analysis.

And laugh whenever you have the opportunity.

Also--if you continue the relationship, then you are telling him you accept those terms. If you need to clarify and still don't get it , ask for clarification. You don't want the same things.

Why waste energy on something that won't bring her the results she wants? Better to have fun....

The scotch isn't so thin skinned (I was trying to give you a foil Lordy).

This young lady will be fine.

He is putting conditions on his love: He's announcing that he's not the loving kind (to give you fair warning) ; No long distance relationships (has he tried this before with someone else?); he wants a dial-back (reduction) on the I Love You's because they are too painful to exchange; you two can't be together for a long time, so he's opting out on this going any further except on his own terms; he loves you in his own (selfish) way; he wants you to accept all this in your mind or else you are going to get hurt.

How old is this guy? He is patronizing you. He patting his little girl on the head and sending her on her way.

He sounds very narcissist, too.

Cut him off completely. You are probably one of many he has on the string.
He sounds too rehearsed for all this.

He is 28 years of age.

Doesn't matter...he's not that into you. Maybe not the right time or you're not the right person for him....who cares? Move on, learn, have some fun! But--don't invest on something that isn't offering a return.

I am going to respond to your other thread here ...

he is telling you, apparently again, that there is not going to be a long-distance romantic relationship between the two of you and, again, you have been pushing the romantic love aspect too hard

This is going to seem rough, but I think it's accurate.

Translation of his note:



The guy's trying to do the right thing while preserving the possibility of having sex. He's trying to give you the chance to understand and accept the limitations he wants to set on the relationship, although it's pretty clear that he doesn't expect that you will. It also seems clear that he does care about you and doesn't want to hurt you, but whether he can't bring himself to completely breaki it off for concern about your feelings or to keep the possibility of a casual "love affair" alive, underneath it all he knows he should.

If you want something more from this relationship than he is offering, you should end it. It's not going to grow into something else. If you're OK with the sort of casual, romance-lite version he's suggesting then it can only work if you have no expectations for anything more, and are open to new relationships with men who are more inclined towards commitment, at which time you will have to end it.

Based solely on what you've written, I think you need to end it and re-enter the world of meeting other men who can and will love you in a way that isn't hard to understand, and doesn't need a few hundred words to explain.

All the best.