Is this normal?

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Well my mother is verbally and sometimes physically abusive. She says stuff when she is mad like," You stupid bitch. You dumb ass" Excuse my language. I don't have my father in my life and nobody to talk to. She is the type to say stuff and switch it back to me. She says I play victim but I always admit to my wrongs. Always. For example, we got into a debate where she asked me to pass her something but my brother said he was going to get it but didn't do it. I assumed that he did so I continued to wash dishes. She came down and started calling me a dumb bitch, dumbass, backed me in a corner, etc. I finished my dishes and while she continued to bring me down I broke down and her and my brother mocked me. I admitted I should've made sure he brought it up and had everything instead of assuming. She started yelling that she didn't care what I had to say because she doesn't want to listen to anything I had to hear. To be exact, she quoted," If I don't want to hear it I'm not gonna listen". It comes to the point where I was bullied in school and I thought it was okay because my own mother does it, before bullying became a focus topic in society. She switched it back on me and said I'm playing victim and I never own up to my wrongs and I'm a liar. My brother is her favorite and she does it to him when she is mad but not as much. I admit, I do the usual girl things talk back and facial expressions when she is exaggerating. I never hit her or said anything wild disrespectful calling her a bitch or anything. One day she came in and yelled at me for sneezing. Yes, sneezing. I just came home from school, her and my brother grocery shopping and I sneezed, covered my mouth and she cursed me out for sneezing too loud and hit me in the head. I'm not crying you a river I'm just giving you a understanding of the situation. I just wanna graduate high school and start a new life without my family. I never want to be in contact with them, both sides. Is this normal? Am I overreacting? I'm working on talking back and facial expressions. I honestly don't know. I can't talk to her, that's why my trust issues are so messed up. I trust nobody. I finally am speaking out because I have the urge to do something stupid if you know what I mean, but I know it won't make things better and I have a whole life ahead of me. Thank you for reading

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Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 2,284 • Replies: 29

@DashDynamic,

Want my advice? Never ever begin a sentence with the word 'well'. It discourages people like me from reading any further.

2 Replies

That's easy.

Your mother is projecting, dear. When your father died, your mother's brain went into mental rehab, wherein when she sees you, she does not see "you"; she sees herself in you. She's not yelling at you, but this mirror she's created out of guilt, as you came from her uterus, and so the projection is turning you into another her that she can argue with, without having to see it for herself, much like how a child blames their imaginary friend.

I'd be careful with taking any of it seriously. Just understand what she is doing and play around with her words. Don't take it personal - it's not you; it's her.

The brother is her favorite, because of gender ties between him and the death of your father.

1 Reply

@DashDynamic,

DashDynamic wrote:

Well my mother is verbally and sometimes physically abusive. ...

Nope, it's not normal. Many of us don't have to live like this.

0 Replies

@DashDynamic,

Hi Dashdynamic,I could fully understand your feelings and situations.If you age is over 18,you should live alone by yourself or live with your friends.Try to happy,honey.To your mother,I have no words.She is a bitch!!!Oh,excuse my language.Wish you have a bright live in the future.
If you are not happy,you could say it to me.I am Chinese girl.Hope me can help you a little.

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@DashDynamic,

Yes it is normal. However, it is not cool at all.

Verbal abuse are punches to your brain. Considering the source is your mother, they hurt extra.

The best thing you can do is to try and detach the value of these words coming from "your mother" otherwise you will be a slave to her abuse.

It is one thing when people speak honestly, but when they dish out poisonous lies like "you stupid bitch", there is no reason to give this statement any more value than it has..which is zero, because it's always a lie. The only value comes from the fact that the source is the woman that gave you life. We like to believe our family life will be like those smiling people in the picture that comes with the picture frames we buy at the store. This is just not the case.

I used to get so mad at my parents for not caring whether I got F's or A's in school. So much so, that as an outlet to source my pain/frustration, I didn't want to do well, since it was all the same to them. Yet in the end, I am the one that has to feel the pain of my failures, and so I had to learn to unhitch what they thought about my education. This meant that, when I worked really hard and got straight A's for a semester, I didn't report it to them since their lack of interest would only bring me down to a place I hate being.

If you don't learn to be independent in your mind from destructive comments, especially coming from those closest to you who you need to survive; You will have a much greater difficulty finding the focus necessary to become physically independent of those that do not share the same values as yourself.

Whenever someone throws a mindless insult at you, "Shake it Off" so you don't lose your concentration on the goals you have for life. This is an environ"mental" challenge that will make you the person you are intended to be if you learn to overcome. One day you might thank your mom for being so difficult, because if you can block her insults, strangers in your life are like shaking off the crumbs on your shirt.

2 Replies

@victorcarjan,

Electromagnetic bitch slaps, you mean.

The rest of what you said is why I liked you since the moment we first argued.

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@One Eyed Mind,

My father didn't die... He just isn't there

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@Lustig Andrei,

Thanks for that. I'm sorry, I was typing as how I speak. Bad habit.

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@victorcarjan,

This is true. This makes the most sense out of all the replies. I'm working on that. I know I have a future so I just try and ignore it. I'd admit, it is difficult to do so, but I'm trying

1 Reply

@Lustig Andrei,

Lustig Andrei wrote:

Want my advice? Never ever begin a sentence with the word 'well'. It discourages people like me from reading any further.

My advice is to read it. You don't know what you would be missing.

What is the big deal about people starting a sentence with "well" or "so"?

That's pretty petty.

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@DashDynamic,

How old are you? Either seek help from your counselor at school or your local social services. If you're old enough, move out and find your own way. It's not a healthy environment, and don't let your mother destroy your life. You can become a productive individual with a full life ahead of you. Just don't give up.

0 Replies

@DashDynamic,

Dash,

You can't change your family, you are born into it but you sure as heck can leave the roost when that day comes and never look back.

Concentrate on what you are contemplating, not pulling faces or answering back because you are going to need to have that skill in the outside World, when you get a job and you are going to need that skill when you meet a guy that you want to go out with, you don't want to be like her and often what we are used to is how we become.

You're mother is a bully it doesn't matter if she targets you more than your brother, she is a bully. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, look them all up, read up on it and understand it. I think that, that would be good for you, so that you see you are not playing victim it's real and you are a better person.

Just remember you are not like her and never will be. Can you perhaps get some free counselling? Thinking of dying to get away is not a good thing at all and sometimes as you have no-one to talk to, reaching out and discussing it with a Professional can really put things into perspective for you.

Study hard, get your grades up to the point you can obtain jobs that you like but, as soon as you are able, get a job whether you like it or not, be respectful to the Managers Smile

And, earn the income you need to get your own little place somewhere.

There's a whole lot of happiness out there in this World and you will find it when the time is right.

Sorry you have had to go through all of this. Be strong from it.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

This made me cry. Thank you so much. I read and researched verbal and others stories but I always and still try to ignore her. I thought about suicide but that dissolved quickly because I knew it wouldn't help, at all. It will cause her to target my brother next. I just wanna start a new life. I never want kids. Ever. If I do have one by accident I will take that responsibility and make sure to not be a parent like her but I will try so hard not to have kids. Thank you so much I appreciate it.

3 Replies

@DashDynamic,

Don't talk about not having kids right now. You have a long ways to go before you even consider marriage and the responsibility that goes with it. You need to be more responsible about fathering a baby when you don't even have a job or goals to improve your own life. Why would you even consider ruining a young girls life with a baby?

Your primary concern should be how to get started on your life to achieve some reasonable goals you set for yourself. After you have a steady job and have saved for that rainy day, maybe you can begin to think about having a family.

Don't become irresponsible.

0 Replies

@DashDynamic,

Hey Dash, I agree with CI.

Don't even think about children at present, but I will state what we go through in life we don't like, we tend to ensure our kids don't go through...

Glad you dissolved that thought quickly, seems like you have a good head on your shoulder.

Dynamic by name, well I'm sure you will be Smile

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@DashDynamic,

Well then you understand. You want to get recognition for being wronged? Ok, you got it. Now what? You must secure the best outcome for yourself. Becoming the victim will only hold you back. What can you do for yourself now? I assume you're an adult or almost there. Seize your opportunities ! Being a victim is alluring right? Don't do it...you can always be a winner. Your choice...All sorts of people have awful things happen ( some have horrible things happen ). Don't give yourself such a license for self-pity ...so destroying yourself is ok due to " injustice". Have courage and fight like hell for a better life( not saying fight with your family)....

0 Replies

Chiming in re the kids...and a differing opinion.

CI and FS....You have any idea how it makes a person feel to be told "don't even think about kids "right now"..." or "what we go through in life, we tend to ensure our own kids don't go through." As if you know what the person will want in the future. Would you say that to him if he said "I don't believe in God", or said "I'm gay?"
Would you tell them "Don't even think about that now. Leave the door open to get faith in Jesus, or becoming straight."

The OP has every right in the world to say they don't want kids. Not only that, but that they don't want kids "Ever". I think he knows what his desires are better than any of us do.

On top of whatever else the OP is going through, he also doesn't need to be told by strangers what he's going to want to do with his reproductive options in the future.

Most people believe in God, but not all.
Most people are heterosexual, but not all.
Most people want children, but not all.

You make it sound like such a horrible thing, and it isn't.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Hey Chai,

The OP is a young female. In my opinion, having a Mother like that would turn any woman off from wanting children, when you are a teenager.

My point and I can only speak for myself is, exactly what I wrote. Don't think about it, yet. Can you tell me that you were the same person at 16 as you were at 25? Don't women change as they mature, doesn't everyone.

As we mature, we think differently about everything in life and especially if we find someone we truly love and see things differently.

The OP does not like what her Mother represents and is fearful more than likely she will turn out like her. If she does, she'll soon know as she matures and if she then decides she doesn't want kids, it 100% is her choice. But, she is young and has so many roads to walk, who knows, maybe she will turn out the opposite and therefore want them.

I stand by my post.

2 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

My opinion is the same if she is male or female.

I don't believe she should be told to think or not think about having having children regardless if she is 16, 25 or 45.

And forget that fairy story that fairy story that we if we find someone we truly love, we'll think about things differently.

Amongst people who are child free by choice, what you are doing is called a bingo. You've already hit 2 of them. The old "you'll change your mind when you get older" and "you'll want children when you find someone to love."

Is it just possible for a person to find true love with someone who also doesn't ever want children?

A very good way to never treat a child the way the OP is being treated is not to have them if you don't want them.

There's more people out there who had babies that wish they didn't, then vice versa.

But hey, I understand it's just what people say. We're all supposed to want children, so we say things to others that make them say, or at least think "who are you to tell me what I want and don't want?"

This young woman does have a lot of problems. When she's older she can leave this awful woman and create a great life for herself.

Just hang in there baby, your time will come. It seems like a long time now, but soon enough you'll be in charge of your own life.

https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4027/4251210572_0bb9dc4b79.jpg

1 Reply

Is this normal?

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