The staff here at Waggery wish to do our bit in the noble effort to cast off the bonds of oppression wherever they appear in the world. We believe that, in pursuit of this end, the pen is indeed mightier than the sword, but that melifluous voices raised in high nationalist chorus is mightiest.
Typically well ahead of the curve, Waggery recognizes that the soon-to-be-sovereign state of New Iraq is unlikely to succeed without a rousing national anthem that free people can sing at football games.
This contest is open to participants regardless of country of origin. The winning entry will be selected by a panel of three randomly chosen a2k/Waggery citizens, and it will then be forwarded to Mr. Negroponte, who will be helping the very busy free peoples of New Iraq with small details.
The winner will be announced, and the winning entry forwarded, by midnight of the happy turnover day.
The judges will be instructed to consider such criteria as:
- metre (will it get the toes of someone with a crew-cut tapping? Will old people weighted down with medals and arthritis march stiff-backed and proudly to it in parades past the old hardware store on Chalabi Boulevard?)
- tear production quotient (might it set sober people to crying and to holding their young up to the TV during the Olympics and explaining "THIS is what our country is all about.")
- that indefinable something
New Iraq sounds almost like New York
but we don't have hot dogs, because we don't eat pork,
Only Hebrew National for us, but how those words disgust
our proud ole Muslim pride, come on folks, join the ride
as we march ourselves to Starbucks to throw rocks at the American 'coffee guide'.
We don't wanna seem irkish, but make my coffee Turkish!
Hummus or Hamas, it all comes out in the wash!
So now we bow our heads in prayer and ask the great Allah
"Why could we not have been invaded....
by Canadaaaa?"
A good first effort. However, not likely to be a winner. Waggery's standards are notoriously high.
No submission will be considered final until submitted with a notice by the author/composer to that effect. All participants are invited - indeed, are urged - to edit their work as new submissions appear which tend to suddenly make a prior submission look paltry. Waggery winners are the very cream.
Think rousing refrain and compelling chorus. Think big. Think ART. Think alliteration. Do the words roll pleasingly off the tongue, or does the tongue get creamed to crap by conflictive consonant clusters?
(ps... plaigerism, if done with originality, gains bonus points)
I is for the many infidels we hate!
R is for the rising oil price rate!
A is for our anger at Abu Ghraib!
And Q is quick - who invented the astrolabe?
Yes, it's Iraq, home of Baghdad and guns!
Iraq, where women are covered more than Western nuns!
Iraq, a great place in the desert
where you can pitch your very own yurt
Iraq! Dip your toes in our Euphrates here in Iraq!
Oops, my first one was more for their nascent tourist trade (sort of like the I Love New York jingle). Here's a pop song:
M'hammed works in the grocery store
saving his dinars for some day
Mama Fatima left a note on the door
she said, "Ahmed, move out to the desert."
Ah, but if you come over to Iraq -ack-ack-ack-ack-ack
You outta know by know
we won't eat bacon for a snack
is that all you get for a shekel?
And it seems such a waste of mines
and if that's what you're all about
Mama, good luck movin' up
'cause I'm moving South
to Najaf, yeah, I'm movin' South ....
Jesus likes the new Iraqi,
Allah likes Iraqi II.
Skeptics, shiites, browns and whites,
Oil is precious in their sights.
Jesus likes the new Iraqi of the world.
(sung to the tune of Tramp, Tramp, Tramp the Boys are Marching, and for Southern Iraq only)
AKHMED
Iraq,
You lovely oil field . . .
desert of tropical breezes.
Always the pineapples growing, Noriega!
Always the coffee blossoms blowing . . .(stay awake)
AKHBAR
Iraq...
You ugly piece of sand . . .
Island of political diseases.
Always the hurricanes blowing, (wind up your ass Bush)
Always the population growing . . . (and we are strong)
And the money owing,
And the babies crying,
And the bullets flying.
I like the island Manhattan.
Smoke on your pipe and put that in!
OTHERS
I like to be in America!
O.K. by me in America!
Ev'rything free in America
For a small fee in America!
AKHMED
I like the city of Kabul.
AKHBAR
I know a boat you can get on.
AKHMED
Hundreds of flowers in full bloom.
AKHBAR
Hundreds of people in each room!
ALL
Automobile in America,
Chromium steel in America,
Wire-spoke wheel in America,
Very big deal in America!
AKHMED
I'll drive a tank through New York.
AKHBAR
If there's a road you can drive on.
AKHMED
I'll give my cousins a free ride, and Canadian passports.
AKHBAR
How you get all of them inside?
ALL
Immigrant goes to America,
Many hellos in America;
Nobody knows in America
Al Quada's in America!
AKHMED
I'll bring a T.V. to Saddam, or his clone.
AKHBAR
If there a current to turn on!
AKHMED
I'll give them new brain-washing machine.
AKHBAR
What have they got there to keep clean?
ALL
I like the shores of America!
Comfort is yours in America!
Knobs on the doors in America,
Wall-to-wall floors in America!
Be advised, quitters lose Waggery membership. Men with hairy knuckles will take it away.
JoanneDorel, who got D in reading assimilation but A in alternate ideas , asks...
Quote:
Are we the people going to be allowed to vote on which anthem is our favorite or is the leader to freely choose the best one for us.
Not a bad notion. The Board of Editors at Waggery will consider it. Past experience suggests your proposal will gain proper study in exchange from proferred sexual favors.
Perhaps, when all submissions in and finalized, we can place them on a virginal thread and make it a site wide vote.
The winner will achieve undreamt of social status within the community.
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