Signs of cheating or just anxiety?

Forums: Relationships, Cheating, Anxiety
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Not too long, but enough to make memories and start to think of a serious future. Back in January I caught him in a lie where he had been seeing 2 girls I knew behind my back. I'm forgiving, so I let it go. About a month ago, I found his condoms in my close friend's car (no longer close friends) and they both got very defensive. She also lied about a scuff on her car where she had hit our fence. My boyfriend has never usually been one to hide things and we know each other's passwords to just about everything. Recently he ordered some things for me (car stuff) on Amazon. I checked the shipping date on our laptop and noticed he had order edible oral sex watermelon flavored gel. First off, he hasn't mentioned a single thing about it and he usually does with surprises like that. Second, I don't do oral sex. It's not my thing and he knows it. Third, I don't like watermelon flavors. Lately his sex drive has been through the roof (we don't have a very active sex life due to some health issues I have) and I just need a little advice. I don't want to be that "crazy" or "psycho" girlfriend but my gut has got me feeling like one. I have horrible anxiety issues so it could just be that. I figure if it's supposed to come in this week, I'll wait and give it a week or 2 and see if he mentions it. Am I paranoid? I just don't want to set myself up and let him think it's okay. I feel like I'm crazy! Sad

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@shortstack,

No, you're not paranoid - chances are he's seeing other women. You caught him seeing 2 girls at the same time, in addition to you ? Yes, I say his sex drive is not compatible with yours, clearly.
I have no idea why you don't do oral sex, it's part of love making and you mention that additionally, you don't have a very active sex life due to health reasons. I don't want to prey, but it seems to me that you should have your hormone levels checked.

I assume you're quite young and having a low sex drive at that age is kind of unusual, so there might be either a medical reason for it - or a psychological that you don't want to have sex with your current boyfriend. Maybe his infidelities hurt you more than you care to admit, or it is another reason, but it certainly is not a healthy situation and my advice to you would be to look for someone else who is trustworthy, honest and more compatible to you and your needs.

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@shortstack,

After nearly 2 years together you find out he is seeing 2 other women and you forgive him? I believe in giving someone a second chance at times, but seeing 2 others at the same time as you? Ok, so you gave him that one. Now you find his condoms (not sure how you knew they were his and not someone else's) in your friend's car and you ask if he might be cheating?

Why don't you dump this jerk and find someone who won't cheat. I don't care how active a sex life you do or do not have, there is someone out there who will love you for you, not the sex you give him.

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@shortstack,

How do you determine who's condom is it?

And please, get out. He will probably leave you soon anyway. He is obviously fed up by 2 years of relationships with same woman. Dump the jerk.

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@Eliusa,

Well he had ordered a certain brand online thinking that maybe I'd appreciate them. And he ordered a LOT of them. So I knew exactly what they looked like and knew they could not be bought in my local stores.

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@shortstack,

Follow your gut and run. Find a guy who is worth your time and YOU! A little story, one time I meet this guy we were friends for 10 years I knew him inside out, really nice guy like nice in ways everything. He had an ex but told me he didn't want her but he did. She broke it off with him and he was chasing after her and lied to me about it. I was cleaning his apartment and saw a hotel receipt in Pennsylvania, we live in new York he never told me he wen there. I would also realized that anytime I went to the bathroom he'd clean up after me like my hair or any traces I may leave. I thought I was paranoid but I followed my gut. He was hiding me. Any ways 2 years later he has another gf and to my surprise he was also gay and having sex with other guys and his gf! I dodged a serious bullet. This guy is cheating on you do not play blind to the signs. Rub very far and let the other girl deal with this problem.

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@shortstack,

all the questions you asked were answered in the story you were telling it sounds like you already know everything you need to know but it just hurts to much to get to that AHA moment so you are just looking for someone to confirm what you know and feel which is the most important thing to all of this you feel something isn't right so unless you are coocoo you know how your insticts are so trust them it doesnt matter how many years it is going to hurt either way what matters is getting out so instead of continuing to hurt you can begin to heal.

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@shortstack,

Quote:

(we don't have a very active sex life due to some health issues I have)

I think this might be the issue. He might be a person with huge urge for sexual activities. And sweetie if he already did it behind your back, as I feel he might do it again. If he loves you he cannot do such a thing right? Honestly that is what I feel.

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@shortstack,

first off... .how old are you? how old is he?

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@TyrionGuy,

Age doesn't always explain anything.

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@TyrionGuy,

If I had a dime for every cheating spouse that ever said, " It's menopause" or "I'm getting older and my testosterone has dropped". It's an intimacy problem...much more than performance in bed. I'm going with Eluisa on this one.

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Signs of cheating or just anxiety?

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