@dc2014,
You did identify that he was like he was from the start. But something still made you desire him - I call them appetizing values. The sort of things which attracted you to him in the first place. A package attraction which is often hard to explain. Values in another are hard to explain so we do the best we can. He may have also been a pass at the time as you where ready to marry (just examples)
The sort of daily examples you describe are common (as replied already) but shouldn't be accepted. You are living in a dull marriage with your flourishing spark found in your interests, and him his interests on the computer perhaps. We also desire the intimate spark found in sex which is the value concretization of the values we seek or posses in another. This part is dim or absent by the looks. You need to own your decisions in staying in a dim relationship. By staying in this relationship you value the ethics or morals which are part of the institution of marriage. The ethics of duty, sacrifice, and compromise which are an anchor on our flourish seeking soul.
By staying you have chosen the morals and duty part and perhaps the security and stable part of a marriage. Together with children in re mix adds weight to such thoughts. A loveless (by both partners) relationship is companionship. Of this is what one desires this is fine. Real love was, is, and will always be a selfish pursuit and is a genuine rarity to obtain. The advice of selfishness as derogatory is misguided and is the answer to real love versus the vice many comment on. One just needs to check their own actions and intentions to qualify one's genuine volition.
The idea of working on communication as some would suggest is actually an outcome of lost values in the relationship. Those appetizing values which drew you to the other such as attractiveness, nice nature, and interests are lost or being lost. This is where objective compatibilities take over to give longevity to relationships. A deficit it seems in your dilemma.
Finally with counseling. Not the best suggestion to spring on a bloke who thinks he's done nothing wrong. A pride damaging action to a male which often is lost forever as he will perieve he is the issue. A couple is then forced to work at the futile relationship trying to narrow a canyon which is in place.
I wish you luck. To stay and suffer is thought as a virtue. But also not the best for one's wellbeing. This should be a primary in ones own happiness pursuit. Often the sacrificer keeps sacrificing to oblivion to an insightless incompatible brute or forcer by guit or tears.
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