My roof is leaking.

Gee Gustav, your roof doesn't have enough pitch for cedar shakes. The water will just sit there and rot the roof. Also, I'm concerned that a shake roof will bring the value of your house way up higher than your neighbors. And just think how your property taxes will go up. No...better to just patch the leaks with tar and tin cans.

How about if I jack the house up so there's more of a slant to the roof. Would that work?

Another idea I've had is too put sod on the roof and have a goat tethered up there. I've seen pictures of goats on roofs in various magazines and it has a very soothing effect on me.

that's a mighty humble abode ya got there... how 'bout drapin' a big ol' tarp over it?

Kewl idea! "Gustav-Event Artiste" Sort of a common man's Christo!

Don't forget the goat! http://www.bernardsboe.com/wams/Academics/zlateh.html

Panzade's right about the slope of the roof. Jacking the place up might help?

A question. How often does it rain? How are you gunna know where the leaks are when it isn't raining, to fix them?

Wouldn't it be easier to sit inside with a bucket and an umbrella on wet days? Cheaper, too!

heh, I don't think the problem is with your roof at all. Ya gots no windows there gus!

Tape some plastic up there over those openings with duct tape will ya! It'll keep the mosquito population down inside the house too.

Notice how high those windows are located? That's so the goats can't jump out.

You will become just a high risk house just begging the to b e burglarized if you fix it up. Want thiefs to go the neighbors house......

wait a minit , that aint your house last time we was there we were siitin on the front porch an spittin at the Cleeber sisters as they pass by in their walkers.
whats my point?

OH YEH-you aint got your front porch no more.

Farmer, that ain't not frontdoor - there is none - that's a side door

Well, gus, you'll just have to call Matilda and tell her to soothe away the old sod with a desensitizing song:

(actually sang this to my daughter when the word"leak" scared the hell out of her)

It rained and it rained and it rained and it rained and it rained all day and night.
and the water came through on Gus's bed and it was an awful sight.

And Gus told 'tilda to go upon the roof and hammer and hammer the wood,

So she went up on the roof and she hammered, and she hammered and hammered real good.

And the next day it rained and it rained and it rained and it rained all day and night.

But the water could not come through on the bed,
Cause the roof was nice and tight.

How's that, then?

yeh but the old fool got rid of his porch. That was a real selling feature of his place. It was a babe magnet

Letty, that's a wonderful lullaby.

Heh! heh, Panz. It worked and I tend to be pragmatic. Amazing how a word and a look of concern from a Mom can turn the harmless into a lurking creature.

Gustav is a walking example-guffaw

I would use cinder blocks of varying heights for the proper roof slant and then add some faux brick underpinning if you don't think the neighbors will think you've gotten too uptown.

Well, I have been working my ass off all day long while you people sat around and did nothing. A little help would have been appreciated. I increased the slope of the roof and added a few embellishments around the house. The only thing left is to find the damn goat to put on the roof.

The place is starting to shape up though...