Trapped between friend and his wife.

Forums: Relationships, Relational
Email this Topic • Print this Page

i am 32, single, entertainer (Stand-up comedy). At present I am living in Turkey, where I do stand-up on for a cruise company. I chose Turkey, as my agent books me on cruises that serve the Aegean and Mediterranean Sea. Not being totally fluent in the local language, I became friends with a couple that lives next to my rented villa.
The husband invited me over to a cookout shortly after I moved in. We are both same age and have become fast friends – as his English is very good. When I first moved in, he and his wife were concerned I was eating too many Burger Kings and needed to learn more about Turkish foods. He and his wife began bringing me breakfast of a morning, when they would see me on the balcony. After a while, his wife got to coming over every time she saw me. Recently, when she came over, she had a black eye and some bruises. Long story short, her husband beat her, as often happens here.
Her husband and I pal around, we go to beach and dance clubs together. I asked him about his wife’s black eye, he told me she has not been as responsive to him lately (I took that to mean sexually). He does play around, and on more than one occasion, has left the club with a woman, told me he would be back in couple of hours. He has offered to get me a friend, but I have declined, because his women friends are mostly married.
My work season does not begin for another month, so I am often home writing jokes and polishing my routine. One thing led to another, and she started coming over soon as he left for work, and spending much of the day and we ended up in bed.
Last night when he and I were out, he ask me to do him a favor, watch his wife, he thinks she may cheating on him. He said the sex is not what it use to be.
I know as a fact, she is not seeing anyone other than me, and there in lays the problem. She asked, if they divorce, would she and I still be friends. What she is really asking, would I runaway with her? Ok, I like her very much, she is an amazing woman. How do I break this off without hurting her, causing her serious injury, for he will beat her. He thinks its okay for men here to cheat, as he said, its part of our custom… sad huh. But now I am a part of the problem.
There is one other complication. One of the reasons he and I became such friends, he works for the cruise line that I sometimes am booked on.
I do really like this lady,

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 856 • Replies: 17

[+5] - panzade - 05/25/2014I'm with you glitter. Aiding and abetting adultery in a Muslim country is sheer madness. Not only is the Comic inviting retribution, but his friend's wife is in a lot of danger too. My first...

@entertainer,

Holy ****, give me a minute. I see you are also a newly minted member, I really hope you are just playing rope-a-dope, because we have many members who will try to help you. If this is just another fictional situation, please don't ask people to jump thru hoops for your entertainment.

1 Reply

@glitterbag,

I take his post as real, and it's quite a quandary.
First, I'd get out of the situation, were I you, entertainer ("I got a new job offer!"), and think about changing your employer fairly fast. This could get nasty in a hurry..

2 Replies

@ossobuco,

It's certainly a mess, I'm just becoming very wary of so many people suddenly joining A2K and posting impossible situations. Some of them pop up on argumentative threads and their insults are very familiar.

However if this story is true, he should do as you advised but do everything he can to prevent the other mans wife from receiving additional bearings. He finds himself in an uncomfortable situation, however her position is much more dire. I realize that other countries may have a more relaxed approach to affairs, but usually only if the husband is stepping out. According to the posters information, she seems to have a lot of free time, I'm betting she isn't employed and has no means of supporting herself. I just hope this gets untangled before anyone gets seriously hurt.

3 Replies

@glitterbag,

I'm with you glitter.

Aiding and abetting adultery in a Muslim country is sheer madness.
Not only is the Comic inviting retribution, but his friend's wife is in a lot of danger too.

My first instinct is; FLEE!

1 Reply

@panzade,

Mine too, as I mentioned.

The guy may not be sure yet.

Adds, I somewhat like Turkey from afar, but not this aspect of it, for sure.
edit - that may be broad brushing by me, I've no idea how many men there beat their wives, but in this case I'd vamoose.

1 Reply

@glitterbag,

Go with your first impression, glitter.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

reply to self, of course I agree re life the wife faces (ay yi yi). And this was a likeable good guy..
She probably has savvy to compose herself but you can't count on that given the slug fests.

0 Replies

@bobsal u1553115,

Well bob, you know me....no romance in my bones, we haven't heard from Sir Galahad since his posted his dilemma. Color me shocked.

0 Replies

The tags on this thread are creepy, and if you try to change them, by adding less judgemental stuff, they get creepier.

0 Replies

I never touch the tags, I don't know who posted them.

0 Replies

@ossobuco,

Getting out the job is easy.. I am a contract entertainer (Stand-up Comedy), these are gig booked by my agent. So i can simply refuse.. I have done many shows for this cruise company.
That in itself, does not solve the problem. I don't want to see her get hurt

1 Reply

@entertainer,

I know, and I sure don't either. But if you could evaporate from the scene, she might not give her experience with you away to the husband. Who knows, though - it's a difficult problem.

0 Replies

@glitterbag,

Glitterbag - sorry - but the story is true. I just don't want to see her get hurt - physidally.
No, she, as with many wives here, are not employeed.
Turkey has a very "relaxed" approach as you put it. Government and courts side with the man. Divorce is an option.. but she needs the approval of the husband.
Since I began working cruises some years ago, I have become so aware of the cheating that goes on. i am a contract employee, so not a member of the crew, and not bound by the crew rules. If a crew member gets caught with guest, often the crew members are discharged and put ashore at the next port.

1 Reply

@entertainer,

You need to leave Turkey, pure and simple. If you care any thing about her well being, have your agent relocate you to another port. If your two villas are surrounded by nothing, for miles and miles, you might escape detection for awhile. But the other Turkish wives are watching like hawks.

Frankly, don't count on your passport to be a get out of jail free card, you are in Turkey. The American Embassy will not be willing to strain relations with the host country simply to get a comic out of a dismal Turkish prison. Between gigs, you might look up The State Department travel advisories for Turkey, as well as look up Turkish law. If you don't get out of their fast, you might find yourself in a Turkish prison. Make plans immediately. If I could shout thru the computer I would, but you are putting yourself in danger. You are violating Muslim law, even if the Turks you know are Greek Orthodox. Didn't your employer brief you on the does and donts, so on occassion if you act like an American and break their law, you are not protected by American law. I just hope you are smart enough to get the hell out. Think of the fantastic material you can use,

2 Replies

@glitterbag,

UPDATE - Resolution -
I have been traveling and doing shows since the last post, so I have not been in the picture. According to her brother, also a friend of mine, things got nasty when the husband continued with his playing the field, imitating my “lifestyle” as it was. A woman he was seeing has turned up pregnant.. by him.
His divorce is pending (with his current wife), mostly due to actions by the wife’s brother. The husband has been shamed by her family and somewhat by his own.
I continue as a friend to:
- The wife, as she writes and calls somewhat regular.
- The wife’s Brother, who encourages my friendship with his sister, once the divorce is final. I am hosting a gift to him and his wife of a cruise. We are also talking about his sister joining them, if the divorce is final at that point.
- The Ex-Husband MAY marry the pregnant woman, following his divorce, to take responsibility for the child. We do not go out clubbing anymore, but have shared a few beers over football games.
I have kept my apartment, as I could not find anything nearly as nice or with a seaside location for anywhere near the same money. I also remain nearby and friends, keeping the past… in the past.
During this Ramazan Bayram, I still carry a certain amount of guilt but remain happy (çok mutlu) with the outcome. I am not Muslim, but do regard my friends as my family.
Thank you very much (çok teşekkür ederim) for the comments.

Trapped between friend and his wife.

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know