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how do you know if he is a narcissist?

 
 
Reply Sat 22 Mar, 2014 10:28 pm
he's workaholic, selfish, critical, self-centered, and ambitious about fame. he said once that his priorities were always college and youtube first, and then relationship. how do you know if he is a narcissist or just didn't like me enough to work it? we've been together for 8 months and I've had enough, but i can't tell if the problem was mine by giving always more into this commitment emotionally, and he never give enough of it, sometimes it was just none emotion. i always felt for months that something was not right, but i couldn't know quite right what or why, so i kept testing him, and I've seen the worst behavior from him. My friends were always saying to me that i should break up (that he's to selfish, he want different things, and he's not right for me) but i ignored it, and i tried to do something about it... but it only it got worst, he started to disrespect me, he disrespected my mother (when i always gave my house for us to do our thing, since we are gay and he wasn't out of the closet in public or to his parents - he said that was no problem at all for us to work out as a relationship) and was always putting me down professionally and calling me a kid (that was the only arguments he always had), and i decided to finally break up.... he wanted to stay friends, but i said no, it's obvious we need space to move on each other and he didn't even respected me enough to be a friend, what the hell was he thinking? I tried and tried, but i couldn't reach him, and i still don't know why... i always gave him space for his life and all other stuff, so i can't say i was obsessed or anything. when i ended it was a relief, but it's been a month and it's been harder then i though. i can tell if it was just me that wasn't enough for him to love me, and give just like i gave within time, or if he's a narcissist and i simply couldn't do nothing anymore, since people never change... help me on this one, thanks.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 23 Mar, 2014 08:18 am
@marcusarc,
Does it matter?

He's put you after YouTube. Does it really matter why he'd rather watch cat videos than spend time with you? It only matters that he does.
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sun 23 Mar, 2014 08:40 am
@marcusarc,
whether or not he's a narcissist is not the issue. He is not compatible with you or your relationship goals.

You broke up because of that incompatibility. You did you best to help make it work. In fact, you felt taken advantage of and you asserted yourself to help get out of the pain. no one deserves being neglected and/or abused. Youtube is not more important than you.

Now you need to get over the habit of having him in your life. It takes time to get over having that companionship. Have fun and play the field and create new activities in your life. Fill your time and don't dwell on that loss. In time, this will take its proper place - as a shrinking image in your rear-view mirror.

Good luck and ignore the label making.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sun 23 Mar, 2014 10:06 am
@Ragman,
I would have to wonder not about him, but why you (the OP) chooses to behave like such a doormat.

Rather than looking outside to understand someone else, first look within to understand yourself.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 23 Mar, 2014 10:13 am
@Ragman,
Plenty of people are not ready for a serious relationship at some time, and some, just about never. He was straightforward with you about that from what I quickly read that you wrote.
I agree with Jespah and Ragman and Chai.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 23 Mar, 2014 11:44 am
@ossobuco,
Ditto on the dittos.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 23 Mar, 2014 12:00 pm
How could he possibly have an honest relationship when he is not honest with others about who and what he is? He can't even be seen with you in public, for crissakes.

Stop trying to make this work. He's just not ready. He plays games so he won't have to commit.

Pity him - and then let him go.

0 Replies
 
marcusarc
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Mar, 2014 04:04 pm
@ossobuco,
ins't that always an excuse? i mean, everybody wants to be loved and love, everybody wants someone to look for...
marcusarc
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Mar, 2014 04:07 pm
@jespah,
no, he makes youtube cover videos on his account. so he always wants to stay more at home recording, and getting the attention he needs from YouTube, fame, etc. That's what he fulfills within with, and of course, grades and being better than everyone else.
anonymously99
 
  0  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 12:50 am
@marcusarc,
The cure to all problems is love.
0 Replies
 
dianacoco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 05:03 am
@marcusarc,
You don't love him. You have doubts about this relationship, and you are right to be concerned! This man doesn't match your life goals and personality. So it's not a question of narcissism, it's about his selfishness.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 06:57 am
@marcusarc,
I understand that (but don't think he's not farting around on there on occasion, too), but most people don't achieve any measure of real fame from YouTube videos. If you look at the most-watched videos, and you dig through to the amateur stuff (e. g. not Lady Gaga, etc.), you'll find that usually either they are amusing viral bits of fluff or their creators are doing something else offline, such as writing a book. There are exceptions (as there are to everything), but YouTube success isn't exactly measured like financial success wherein most people don't really get a big cash value out of it.

This does not mean it is not worthwhile, but it needs some perspective. Even people who post videos every week get them done fairly quickly and then go on with their lives.

An hour or two, to make a five-minute video, upload it and set up timed promotions on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook, is a very reasonable amount of time. And that leaves a ton of time to do other things.

The problem is not (truly) what he is doing with his time. The problem is that he's not making time for you. If he was knitting for twenty hours every week, it would be the same sort of an issue.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 09:32 am
@marcusarc,
Who told you that?
marcusarc
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 01:17 pm
@ossobuco,
i don't know... isn't our job too as humans? love and be loved? who wants be lonely and married to himself forever? i mean...
marcusarc
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 01:25 pm
@jespah,
Well, in his reality, he thinks he really is famous and that's all i see him wanting to achieve. I came to know recently that he won some cinema tickets, and he went on his facebook page inving fans to go with him see the movie, they just needed to follow him, etc... how lame is that? it could all make sense if he was really a famous guy around my country lol, i don't know if i cry or laugh about him after all. (it makes me wonder if he's looking ways to high up his ego/attention back to him after being dumped, as a typical narcissist.)

I did the no contact thing, and i simply turned off of him after the break up, i think it was the best thing i could do... he even couldn't respect his own space after the break up, he wanted to stay friends after all. And when he saw that i was ignoring him, he said i was spitting on him after our 8 months, and spitting on the person who gaved me "food" to the table, i don't even owe him anything, and inside the relationship i had a open conversation that i didn't feel good about myself for him paying me things when i couldn't... so it was a really nasty thing to do, he revealed himself, and of course, i ignored that message too.

I couldn't agree more, with classes and etc, we spend like 2 times a weak together, and sometimes only with a coffee, but anyway, i always felt no emotion in this relationship even when we were more time apart, and he was always so critical of me and everything... only with sex, i felt it more. it's obvious, this would all come to an end eventually, doesn't matter my every effort for it. Yes, he spent all that time, and i always have respected it, but somehow it was never my way too, or it was rare the occasions to do something special and different... it was always up to me, even on our birthday/month. kind of dull in the end.

I'm just trying to figure out myself, getting my self-esteem back, my value as a person and what i can't let anymore enter in my heart again.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 02:21 pm
@marcusarc,
Who cares what he is...you're still not his priority. It's give and take. If you're the only one giving...RUN
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 02:42 pm
@marcusarc,
Time for you to learn that humans and their brains and hearts and needs and wants vary.
marcusarc
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 09:12 am
@Germlat,
yeah, that's what i did Smile
0 Replies
 
marcusarc
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 09:17 am
@ossobuco,
yeah, i learned that. i feel like i'm having all the medicine... i was cheated, i had a unrequited love, and now i was treated like secondoption/narcissist way (i don't know which one is worst, but i think that this one was the most confusing of all).

I hope i am strengh after this one, because i though i was SO strong after i was cheated, but i was so wrong... it's hard not to feel like you're the problem, i keep questioning myself of everything like i never did before, i've never been obsessed with myself about this or about anything. Thanks for all the help and advice guys Smile
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 10:15 am
@marcusarc,
You're welcome. It can sound like tough love here, somewhat sharp, but many of us learned the hard way to listen to ourselves, esteem ourselves.

The surprise might be that people like you better when you do - sort of a win win.
 

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