I think I want a divorce?

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My husband and I have been fighting a lot lately. We have been arguing over the fact that he doesn't spend enough time with me and when he does he tries to pick fights. His job requires him to be gone for days at a time, which I totally understand, I work too and understand that work comes first. The problem is when he does have time off, he spends more time with friends than with does me. I am usually extremely cool with this, since I enjoy spending time with my friends too. But I need to feel like I am a priority at least 5% of the time. I feel that he is taking advantage. I want to start to try and have a baby soon and he says really does too. He even talks to his friends about us trying to have a baby soon. But every time we get into an argument he puts me down about what type of mom I would make and this just devastates me. I know I am a really good person and I would be a really great mom. Having a baby is my life's dream and my husband has known this since we first started dating. I am 33 years old and feel like the opportunity for me to have a child is slipping away. Being around him has been so unbearable, that sometimes now I am actually glad when he is gone. My husband wont go to counseling, I'm thinking I should start going on my own. I just don't know what else to do.

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[+4] - Eva - 03/03/201433 is nothing. I was 40 when I had my son. My best friend was 40 and 42 when she had her two kids. You've got plenty of years left. Right now, you need to figure out whether you want to continue...

@donna413s,

I'm no expert and it's just a theory but it sounds like he doesn't actually want a baby.

You talk about having a baby yet he won't spend time with you.

I'm wondering if these arguments started around the time the baby discussion took place?

He may just be scared of the responsibility of becoming a parent.

Just ask him of he's ready to have a baby. You should be able to tell from his reaction what is true. Of he starts an argument or avoids the conversation I'd say he probably doesn't.

Counselling is always a great option. If he's not willing to go I'd really recommend going on your own.

Good luck

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@donna413s,

I'd also recommend counseling. And maybe take a good long, hard look at things. If he spends this small amount of time with you, how is he going to be with an infant? Do you really want to be what is, essentially, a single parent?

There are worse things than being divorced. Maybe explore with a counselor, a bit, how you see your future and your own personal security, in five years, ten years, thirty, etc.

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@donna413s,

I feel for you, Donna. Your husband is an idiot and not devoting himself to you but to trivial matters. You should be the most important subject for him. He must be a clam, too, since you don't know what he thinks about having children. Does he think good wives grow on vines? Spending more time with friends than with you shows you that he's not really worth it. Divorce him now before you have children. Would you like a man like this to be the father of your child? He'll make a poor father, believe me. Anyway, this is my opinion.

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@donna413s,

He obviously doesn't want to be a father, did he let you know that before you married him?
It's pathetic of him to use the silly excuse that he doesn't think you'd be a good mother!

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@donna413s,

Your husband is immature and he knows it.
The thought of becoming a father is scaring the **** out of him and that's why he doesn't want to spend quality time with you.
It just triggers his fear.
The arguments and put downs are symptomatic.
I know because I was the epitome of your husband for 11 years.

Go to a counselor; alone if he won't go.
This is about YOU and the rest of your life.

Don't be cornered by the " Biological Clock"
Nowadays, the ability to be a mother are not diminished by your age.

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@donna413s,

33 is nothing. I was 40 when I had my son. My best friend was 40 and 42 when she had her two kids. You've got plenty of years left.

Right now, you need to figure out whether you want to continue your marriage or not. Counseling can help with that. I highly recommend that you go on your own. You will be more likely to tell a counselor your true feelings without your husband being there, especially at first. If your husband changes his mind and decides to go later, so much the better. But it will help you clarify your thoughts.

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@donna413s,

I am divorced and was in a bad relationship. The problem is I have 3 kids with her. If you feel it is not working now it will only get worse after you have children. He sounds very selfish and might actually resent you and the baby if it cuts into his guy time. Think about it befor you have children. good luck

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