Writing, Anything

It is only a matter of time before they realize how badly they fu*ked up.

The secret identity
He'll feed you bullshit. 
To get what he wants. 
Because he feels the need for power to ruin one's life
Because he can't stand the thought of one
He hates truly despises one has always
He'll feed you bullshit until he gets what he wants
One knows about this secret identity. As he one.
Others are blinded by him.
Others choose to ignore one who has spoken many times of this secret identity. 
No one listens believing one is crazy.
One is crazy don't listen to one.
Secret identity is so secret you'll never know who secret identity is.
Only those who have a mind very similar to one who truly understand will know who secret identity is.
Professional at fooling secret identity is.

Secret identity lives in my bathroom.
Possesses me at times.
Brings the anger in me out.
Continues to wreck my bathroom.
Notice the reoccurring leaks?,
Along with the amount of water leaking.
Secret identity doesn't agree with my shower curtain.
Opens my bathroom door at times.
Occasionally wants me to know he's in there.
What else could he be other than a possessive spirit living in my home.

The secret identity.. the what
He'll feed you bullshit.. possessing you no
To get what he wants.. you're like a zombie probably
Because he feels the need for power to ruin one's life.. wants to be you doesn't like himself
Because he can't stand the thought of one.. for upsetting failures being stupid
He hates truly despises one has always.. I don't know
He'll feed you bullshit until he gets what he wants.. wants to be you
One knows about this secret identity. As he one.. you should pick up on when you're being possessed
Others are blinded by him.. invisible
Others choose to ignore one who has spoken many times of this secret identity.. not many believe spirits exist 
No one listens believing one is crazy.. agreeing
One is crazy don't listen to one.. agreeing
Secret identity is so secret you'll never know who secret identity is.. invisibleOnly those who have a mind very similar to one who truly understand will know who secret identity is.. spirits are not taken seriously
Professional at fooling secret identity is.. to be you

Drenched in depression, and more similar to
Weighing her down,
Keeps her from so much.
The unnecessary thoughts,
Unable to focus, 
Not able to live life to the fullest.
Thoughts anywhere from, why am I here,
Can't make sense of this,
To everything's pointless.
Frequent heart problems.
From panic attacks,
Heart beating fast. so fast, she thinks to herself. 
Shortness in breath,
To frequent black outs,
More here and there compared to then.
Unable to keep herself together.
Hope.
What hope.
Faith. 
What faith.
Future. 
Yes. Thoughts. 
But present. 
What present. 
Past. She's gradually learning. yet very slowly.
Understanding.
She tries yet doesn't. 
Care.
Why should she.
She's nothing. 
There's nothing in this life.
Why is she here.
Makes no sense.
She's accomplished nothing. 
Lost everything. 
All hope, faith. More similar to.
While back.
Don't think it's ever been there for her to lose.
She's living her life in another dimension. 
Everything so far yet it's right there, but not in her reality. 
It's all so far.
Can't grab ahold, can't understand. 
She's never had anything. 
This is a mental situation. 
This is a mental situation. 
This is a mental situation.

She needs help you beautiful babes
Stuck in this life mental life
No way out
There are no leads
Can't find reality
Understanding nothing
Doesn't make sense
This mental situation

I do not plan on relocating for the next ten to fifteen years.

That online beauty
Is there but not,
Other words on the borderline
She wants it there but something is keeping..
It's not as easy as it should be,
Disappointing it is to her,
But she's tried
She's not giving up,
Takes time,
Shouldn't be too long, 
She'll be logged in..
Patience

You think she's that strong
She's not
Should be that simple
It's not
Her door is not that easy to open
Hint, steel door
This is a mental situation
She has tried explaining
It's difficult
As she feels it's all in her head
Is, that severe
Or do you understand? 
Have you taken anything into consideration? 
Lifetime of pain
Nothing but depression and everything that comes with
Don't show it
Faking her life away so no one notices.
No one can know. 
Know what?
The pain, depression, everything along with
She never understood
Her life,
Nothing.
Nothing but a mental situation. 
She never understood. 

She at times tells herself I love you
Takes time
Takes time
She has to tell herself
She feels the want to rush into things
Takes time
Takes time
She has to tell herself
There's something missing
She doesn't know what it is
A misunderstanding
She can't understand
She's kind of alone on this
Always has been
Difficult
It should be easy
It's not
Difficult
Takes time
Takes time
She tells herself
Trying to make herself understand
She's in another dimension
Remember me saying?
She can't find herself
She's been looking
Doesn't want to give up
Thought this would be easy
It's not
It's difficult
Takes time
Takes time
She has to tell herself
Trying to make herself understand

She may had not been a daddy's girl
But she picked up on some
She had asked herself, wonder if he's noticed. thinking it
Had he been paying attention?, observing well.
She may never know

--

Elementary
Never able to fully understand things
She was smart but she knew she could had done better
She had the feeling of not caring too much
She's, hiding, keeping something
Sixth grade 
Never able to fully understand things
She's among the smart 
It meant something to her
But then meant nothing
She's, hiding, keeping something
Junior high
Never able to fully understand things
She feels nothing matters 
Grades becoming worse
Her life becoming worse
Making other's life difficult
High school
Never able to fully understand things
Things only becoming worse
Confused, no where to turn
She understands nothing

--

Relocation
Cool day in December
After mid day
Wet out
Crossed road between school and sets of houses
Walking
Everywhere snow
Had always been difficult to think clearly
Sidewalk
Thinking to herself, need to get home.
All that was on her mind
Something always bothering her in the back of her mind
Came to the four lane
Full of running vehicles
Getting home all she wanted
No patience
Didn't know patience
Didn't want to have it
Made a run for it
Yes, first three crossed
Oh, this is what she had been seeing in previous weeks
In shock, surprised, not understanding...

Waking
But can't completely
Soon transferred to a bigger place
Unable to understand her feelings
Always, was
Discovered what happened
She's a little "slow", therapist mentioned
But she never understood

Her living situation
A difficult mental situation
Her life
A mental situation
Everything
It's all a mental situation

Rebellious, a rebel
Angry
Will upset
Influence hate 
Annoying
Hurting within
Aggravating
Disruptive
Can be disrespectful
Will fool you
Longing for something
Will trap you
Make you, 
Break you,
Can be disappointing
Will hurt you
Abuse you purposely, mentally, physically
Yet so very beautiful, is
That online beauty

These individuals who refuse to get the hell out of my head
Clearly do not understand they are seriously ******* my life up more, mentally by being in my head keeping me from living my life as I want as I want so badly
They are selfish self centered I'm talking two just two individuals who refuse to get the **** out of my head
Worried about what people would think of them
I personally think they're **** for never being mature enough to hold conversation any type of, in many ways
It really would had helped them understand me to a bettet extent and we wouldn't be as we are today
They think I make this **** up that I'm ******* crazy
News to the two, I'm sorry so sorry to regretfully inform you I'm not just like, very similar to others/everyone else in this world as expected
We all are different
Each, one individual 
I'm not truly sorry about the fact I'm different, not at all.
We all are different
These two are pissed the hell off because I wouldn't give into them, mentally
Pissed off with me because they refused communication, in any way, any form with me as it would had been mature of them to had done so
Oh I did attempt, personally at first which was more mature
Keep in mind they've no patience
Hint, the reason they till this day refuse to understand me by not getting the hell out of my head
But don't
Don't listen to me
I'm ******* crazy

She was molested as a child throughout her childhood years resulting in her head being fucked up her entire life.
Not saying anyone knew.

Due to her fucked up head she did stupid ass **** as a ******* child and young adult that can't be undone. Her head being fucked up because she was molested throughout her childhood years. It till this day being unknown.

She did stupid **** she can't take back as a young adult being she cheated on her spouse in the past due to her fucked up head. Cheated because she fell out of love which led to more depression, confusion, everything along with.. ******* her head up more.

She thinks a certain someone can't stand the fact this woman is trying to explain her fucked up head. 

It is fucked up.

Why the hell else would she be claiming ******* aliens in her ******* fucked up head. 

Why did it take her forever it seemed/her entire life to realize she is as intelligent as she is that she has that ability. She never ******* knew.

She has always known she had the ability to be smart yet she could never apply her knowledge her skills etc else it to be called. 

She never understood, never could understand, make herself understand, anything.

Because she was that fucked up in the head.

She is and will always be.

Do you believe in miracles? 

I'm not saying I do. 

But I'm telling you this.

I do believe in evolution. That things do change. That people do change. Etc etc.

I strongly believe in the Law. And everything along with. 

I believe woman was meant for man. That man shall dominate..

I also believe I'll never be understood. That I'll continue to be taken as a joke.

Which is fine.

No one needs to listen to a word I say.

I'm just some nut case, who is bipolar, schizophrenic, depressed, stressed, psychotic,.. you know. everything along with.

"If a revenge seeking person feels threatened in any way they'll do their best to turn everything around on you. Then seek revenge."
Ex. They think you're indicating the fact they're a child molester they'll use whatever they can dig up from the past to make you out as a child molester.
It's too late it's too late. 
There is such thing as it's too late.
Revenge will be sought. On their side. She simply knows it's too late. 
People seem to be so ******* ignorant now days. 
What the hell is the point.
"Do you now understand why this woman feels she can't be with anyone once she's on her own?"

No one will ever understand what it's like to live a life being nothing but a mental situation. as I have. So why the hell do I even attempt, yeah? Well. You need a way out. The key is understanding. If no one can understand then you're stuck. Mmm. I'm starting to understand not a one can go as deep as I. Still can't figure the reason as to why I was born. Makes no sense.

'Em

Em are stupid
Stupid as hell
Coulda loved em
Loved em dearly
Em treated er like ****
As a pos
She's nothing em say
**** no more no less
Em fucked up
Fucked up royally
Em don't understand
Once shed felt she'd fallen in love 
Is difficult for er to feel er fell out
But em continued 
Continued to not believe er
That's how em treated er as ****
Er will never love em the way er did in the beginning
It's lost 
Er love for em
All em had to do was have patience
Er woulda been with em in time
Er wanted to love em for ems happiness
Do anything em wanted
Er wanted em to be happy
No matter how unhappy er woulda been
Er woulda done er best to make em happy

Letting go, not as hard as it once was.