"Issues"

I have a few "issues" I've been meaning to rant about to get off my chest as well as get hopefully sound advice for. I'm steadily going mad. I'm what I believe, from what I have witnessed, to be one of the only people left alive that cares more for those around him than himself. My family is devoted to killing me by neglect since the day I was born for starters. Siblings beat me almost daily. Robbed me at every corner and lied every step of the way. Bullied everyday in school. Still I grew up with a smile on my face thinking life was something wonderful. Finally found a friend at the age of 17. Best friend anyone could ask for. He acted the same as I felt for others. I killed him 3 years later indirectly with my anger and pride towards someone using him that actually did murder him and got away with it despite my witnessing and will to testify. I became part of his family and his brother and I became close friends but he had a different attitude towards things. He hides his feelings and chooses self destruction till recently when his first and only love returned married to another man with child. Up until that moment he was hell bent on self gratification and drug use. I had faith in him so rarely ever worried just smiled and kept quiet. I've lost my complacency through the years thanks to the company of women lying, cheating, and stealing from me. Always I've had faith in the relationships between man and woman and couldn't cope with my surroundings and several of these women one after the other. I found one finally that I fell in love with slowly on guard this time. Spent 4 great years with her, some times rocky, until she left. Mostly due to my mistrust in women and her shady past. She contacted me and I invited her over to spend the day to reacquaint ourselves. Staring into each others eyes at the end of the day she remarks "I still love you". Mind you she has a few men she talks to and a few that she sleeps with. Wanting a relationship she suggests lets become best friends with benefits and then if things remain exclusiveness. Until then she wants to get the party out of her. Lying in her bed a month later she tells me she was drinking with a friend and blacked out. Her roommate told her that he had his way with her. Apparently he told his wife and ended his marriage. She forgave him reason being she was raped repeatedly her whole life and it was common place that didn't bother her anymore. My urge to take vengeance on him is strong cause when this happened she and I were engaged to be wed. Now he just returned from abroad and brought back knick-knacks from her past home and drugs. She is planning on spending the weekend with him alone this time drinking smoking pot and eating shrooms. I refuse to tell her but I do still very much love her even if most was lost it's returning quickly. I don't want to stop her from having a good time. I just want to protect her from the harm this man will cause her. Due to an interruption I've lost my train of thought so I leave off on that.