Hubby pouts when I say "no" to sex

not enough info? How often do you deny it?

He wants it a few times a week, and I deny it maybe a few times a month. Usually I just go along with it so I don't have to put up with the pouting.

Your choice to do this or not. (give in when you really don't want to)

But there's nothing wrong with saying, "Babe, I'm not in the mood tonite, but tomorrow nite let's really plan on it being something special."

Then roll over and get some sleep.

Let me talk as an ex-husband (which I think is a valid perspective).

If you are in a monogamous relationship, sex is part of the bargain. If a husband wants to have sex, and can't have it outside the marriage and can't have it in the marriage either, you can see how a husband might get a little upset.

I don't know the details, but I think not having sex in a monogamous relationship is a valid complaint. And I don't think dismissing a husbands feelings as "pouting" is very constructive.

If you care about the marriage you will not ignore it, and you will stop dismissing his feelings. This is a real problem in a marriage and it should be worked through with respect.

(Did you notice that I am speaking as an ex-husband.)

What's generally the reason you don't feel like having sex?

Is the sex satisfying for you when you do have sex with your husband?

Jean wrote:


Hey ladies if you're not in the mood just lay back, close your eyes and pretend he's George Clooney.

Of the times you go along so as not to put up with the pouting, it sounds like you make it obvious it's something on your to do list that you would just as soon not but feel obligated to, like some household chore. Very romantic.

I'm with Max and BVT on this, Jean.

If he needs sex more often than you are willing to provide...tell him he has your permission to get some on the side.

It's a good thing you're not a marriage counselor.

Part of the problem in this relationship is a lack of communication about this issue. He's pouting, which means he's not talking about it, and she's reluctant to talk about how the pouting makes her feel because she's afraid of hurting his feelings. They have to start talking much more openly about how to handle a difference in libido or sex drive between them, and about how to avoid unnecessary frustration, or conflict, or guilt, or feelings of rejection, that might result from that. This isn't just about sex, it's also about how these two people satisfy each other's needs, or fail to, and how they communicate about that, and how they might compromise or find mutually satisfying solutions when conflicts arise. Nothing will get resolved without better communication between them.

Telling your husband to go elsewhere to satisfy his sexual needs is a recipe for disaster in this kind of situation, unless you're looking to end the marriage.

Other than a suggestion to improve more honest open communication with her husband about this issue, I'd hesitate to give JeanAwesome156 any specific advice without knowing more about the nature of the problem. Are health issues involved in her lack of enthusiasm/desire to have sex more often? Is there something lacking in the sexual relationship with her husband? Does he fail to turn her on sufficiently, or does he do or want things she really doesn't enjoy? Exactly what's the source of the problem?

I think we need to wait until JeanAwesome156 provides us with more information before we jump to any more conclusions or try to offer her any more specific advice, if we really want to try to be helpful to her.

If any husband doesn't respect his wife's wishes when she says "not tonight hon", he's not much of a hub

Your advice seems quite variable.

Are there times when you initiate?



I would recommend that you go see a counselor together, and explicitly work out an arrangement that is acceptable to both of you.

I object to word "pout". It is a judgmental word that says more about feelings of the person speaking then the person being spoken about.

Once you accuse your partner of "pouting", it says that you don't respect the fact that they are feeling upset. At that point the conversation is pretty much over.

I object to word "pout". It is a judgmental word that says more about feelings of the person speaking then the person being spoken about.

Once you accuse your partner of "pouting", it says that you don't respect the fact that they are feeling upset. At that point the conversation is pretty much over.

Well, "pout" is the word JeanAwesome156 used, and you have no reason to believe that she's not being accurate in her description. And, JeanAwesome156 is trying to convey her feelings about this sort of behavior on her husband's part--she thinks he's trying to make her feel guilty, which would also be a way of trying to emotionally manipulate or punish her. This is what JeanAwesome156 said:

Should JeanAwesome156 have to feel guilty if she's not in the mood for sex, but her husband is? She can respect his feelings, but what about her feelings? Shouldn't he respect her feelings by not "pouting" about it?

If someone "pouts", which I interpret as being a silent sulking, there isn't much of a conversation going on, particularly since JeanAwesome156 doesn't want to comment about it for fear of hurting her husband's feelings.

The problem is the lack of open communication between the two of them about the issue. They've got to get that conversation started. JeanAwesome156 isn't dismissing her husband's feelings, but she's not happy about how his reactions are affecting her, and she'd apparently like him to take her feelings into consideration without "pouting" about it. Unless they start talking to each other, and communicating their feelings more directly and clearly, nothing is likely to change.

I think JeanAwesome156 is looking for advice, and not for judgments.

If she fills in more details, we may be able to give her better advice.

I agree with most of the other posters here if you wish to keep the marriage you should talk to your husband and both of you reach some level of sexual activity that both of you can live and even be happy with.

Thank-you!!

Don't get me wrong, please. I don't deny it that often (maybe three times a month) and when I do, I always make up for it by having sex with him the very next day. I'm not trying to sound mean to say that he's "pouting", I'm trying to be accurate. I need a constructive answer to what I recognize as a real problem. Thank-you for your response.
Jeannie

I really don't feel like having sex most of the time because I'm 52 years old and my hormone replacement therapy is maxed out. I can't use anything stronger because I've had a stroke. But, that being said. I only deny it when I'm just too tired. I always have sex with him the very next day to make up for it.
And no, I'm normally not satisfied but I don't let him know. I just want it over with.